[on date]
ME: I like my women like I like my wine
WAITER: [arrives] Anything to drink?
ME: [clears throat] One glass of very hot wine please
— Joe West (@joejwest) January 12, 2015
Yes, mom! I can too make dinner without reading a recipe.
*dunks oreos in glass of milk
— Wicked Jen (@wickedsuga) January 12, 2015
Every man must decide if he’s an “anyone but Jeb” guy or an “anyone but Mitt” guy
— Allahpundit (@allahpundit) January 12, 2015
I just burned 1000 calories by forgetting my pizza in the oven.
— erinsaurus rex (@erinberrypie) January 12, 2015
The saddest sentence I've ever heard is: "I briefly had a dog."
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) January 13, 2015
Re ” I like my women like I like my wine “, this exchange has been following me over the years.