(AP) – Sounding much like their Democrat counterparts, GOP Senators Hatch, Inhofe and Thune have been considering raising the federal gasoline tax in the wake of the rapid decline of gas prices nationwide.  “With gasoline prices at lows not seen since 2009,” Senator Inhofe has said, “now is the ideal time to raise the tax on gas.  People have become accustomed to the higher gas prices and have budgeted for it. Now that the prices have dropped, they can afford to pay their fair share to upkeep our nation’s highway system.”

“Nothing is off the table,” Senator Hatch commented.  “I don’t know why anyone would complain about this.  The American citizens didn’t do anything to drive down the price of gasoline.  They did nothing to earn this sudden windfall of money.  Is it really too much to ask them to give back some of this undeserved cash?  I can’t believe Americans are that selfish.”

Senator Thune, however, felt that raising the tax on gasoline didn’t go far enough.  “There are many occasions when the American public benefits economically without warrant.  When they head over to Super Target or Smith’s Marketplace to stock up during their annual case lot sale, they are getting quite the bargain and are saving quite a bit of money.  They did nothing to earn this savings.  Isn’t it just to expect them to spread these savings around for the greater good?  That is why I am proposing that all such undeserved income be considered windfall profits and be taxed appropriately.  I propose that anytime someone pays less than the MSRP for any product, those savings will be considered windfall gains and taxed at 75%.  The citizen gets to keep 25%of this unearned income, so what do they have to complain about?  Savings from coupons will also be taxed at 75% except for on double-coupon Tuesday when the extra savings will be taxed at 90%.  Kohl’s cash, being illegal currency in my opinion, will be justly confiscated and turned over to the congressmen’s wives and mistresses for disposal.”

When Speaker of the House John Boehner was asked his opinion about this, he merely said, “We have to pay for President Obama’s executive amnesty somehow.  Illegal immigrants can’t be expected to pay for themselves.  In addition, it is anticipated the oversight of these new taxes would create on the order of 10,000 jobs in the IRS, and in this economy, we need all the jobs we can get.  If the CBO calculations are correct, these new taxes will almost cover the salaries of these new federal employees (not counting benefits, of course), and those are the kind of budget numbers I can stand behind.  It would likely also require that all retailers hire additional accountants and software/capital equipment to comply with collecting these new taxes, and that would cost the government nothing, and that’s a win in my book.”

When asked to comment, Rand Paul merely shook his head forlornly and tossed Hatch, Inhofe and Thune into the Boston Harbor.