Despite Obama’s hissy fit about Netanyahu’s visit, Kerry has been working around the clock brainstorming ways to get Israel and Iran to empathize with each other and make nice. Here’s his list:

• Schedule Netanyahu and Ahmadinejad for the next episode of Wife Swap.
• Sponsor a Peter, Paul and Mary concert during a peace summit at Camp David.  Distribute hammers for audience participation. The delegation with the most men left standing after the hammer song gets their demands met.
• Get them to agree to settle their differences with a winner-take-all sailboarding competition.
• Invite both delegations to Theresa’s place for the annual Heinz Pork Chop Cook off.
• Figure out how to say ‘reset’ in Hebrew and whatever language Iranians babble in.
• Convince the Iranians that denying the Holocaust is just as bad as denying global warming.
• Hezbollah gets custody of Jerusalem Monday through Wednesday and every other weekend.
• Slyly let the Ayatollah in on his suspicion that Obama is the hidden imam.
• Threaten to cut Israel’s nuclear weapons in half to see who wants them the most.
• Get them both to just agree that both genders should be circumcised.
• Tell them if they don’t start getting along with each other, Obama is going to get very cross.
• Have they tried Xanax?
• Convince the Iranians that using nuclear weapons against Israel will only produce a race of super powerful Jewish mutants.
• Return the region to pre-1 AD borders and let Rome deal with it.