The next item to be banned in New York City… come on! No Big Gulps and now No Juice! They’re trolling us, aren’t they? This is some really elaborate setup for a punch line or some guy is going to step out of an alley and point at the hidden camera or something, right?
…will be awards of any kind, because it means someone loses.
…will be police powers of any kind.
…will be decided by Al Sharpton.
…will be buses, because when only one bus is involved in a fatality the death count is so much higher.
…will be the U.N. (O.K., THAT one was only wishful thinking!)
. . . the Hank Williams, Jr., song “If Heaven Ain’t A Lot Like Dixie” (which contains one of my favorite lines in all music – “Just send me to hell or New York City, it’d be about the same to me.”).
The Next Item to Be Banned in New York City…
…: common sense.
…: freedom.
…: fat kids.
The next item to be banned in New York City…
Shakes magic 8 Ball…
The next item to be banned in New York City…
something not too ethnic, not too elitist, and not too Avant Guarde. Try something liked by middle class, white, males.
“The Next Item to Be Banned in New York City…”
…will be announced following pending arrests for possession of unsaid item.
Republicans
. . . dissent.
…voter registration cards for Republicans.
…: juicers with a receiver larger than 4 ounces.
…: deliciousness of any sort.
…: privately-owned servers.
Jobs
…the rest of New York.
…drinking non-bottled water, and water bottles.
…the six tens that Jeter didn’t bang.
…Orioles fans, as if I needed a reason not to visit.
…tax neutral residents.
…the laws of other jurisdictions (US only).
The next item to be banned in New York City… come on! No Big Gulps and now No Juice! They’re trolling us, aren’t they? This is some really elaborate setup for a punch line or some guy is going to step out of an alley and point at the hidden camera or something, right?
…. homeless people
…. street musicians
…. the disabled
Gotta keep up those appearances of “beautiful people”
…the Statue of Liberty
…English.
… Hurricanes (This will work about as well as banning guns however)
… Clapping
…Claiming that 2 + 2 = 4 when the government has clearly declared it to be 5.
The next item to be banned in New York City…
…Ban. http://www.amazon.com/BAN-ROLL-UNSCENTED-3-5OZ-BRANDS/dp/B004N11KAQ/ref=sr_1_29?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1427305104&sr=1-29&keywords=ban+deodorant+unscented+roll-on
. . . the word Liberty.
The next item to be banned in New York City…
…tar and feathers
…caffeine
…buying more than 12 ounces of beer
…toilets that use more than a pint per flush
…any firearms that can have a capacity of one or more rounds of ammunition
……. KRYPTONITE 🙁
…will be driver’s licenses because they are somehow racist and they do not allow people who shouldn’t vote, vote for the Democrats.
…brains. Sure, they’ll say it’s because of a possible zombie apocalypse but they just don’t want thinking constituents.
…clapping. Jazz hands only!
…Pace picante sauce.
…anything that isn’t explicitly allowed.
…will be awards of any kind, because it means someone loses.
…will be police powers of any kind.
…will be decided by Al Sharpton.
…will be buses, because when only one bus is involved in a fatality the death count is so much higher.
…will be the U.N. (O.K., THAT one was only wishful thinking!)
Playing Cards.
…no Jokers allowed.
…please God, let it be Voting!
… will be marriage, marriage banns, and marriage bans.
Sanity!!!
…escaping.
The Next Item to Be Banned in New York City…
…anything that has not been previously banned
big boffo Act I closing numbers
Jazz Hands
NYPD anti-radical Muslim intelligence operations…Oh, Wait!
Broken Windows Theory Policing…Oh, Wait!
. . . the Hank Williams, Jr., song “If Heaven Ain’t A Lot Like Dixie” (which contains one of my favorite lines in all music – “Just send me to hell or New York City, it’d be about the same to me.”).
. . . anything that is not already compulsory.