Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
When the new Star Wars movie hits theaters, we’ll be disappointed to discover…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
When the new Star Wars movie hits theaters, we’ll be disappointed to discover…
…Pepsi & Doritos product placements.
…it was more of an escape than a release.
…Its release compares favorably with Obama’s releases at Guantanamo.
… the Stars all lose.
…that Walt Disney makes a cameo appearance.
(I don’t know what that means.)
…that it’s a…
Piece. Of. Junk.
(Well, Star Wars fans will be. But I won’t be. I HATE that stuff.)
…nobody shoots first.
…that the concession stand doesn’t carry Junior Mints any more…
… the cantina scene is reset inside of a mosque…
…Darth Vader is fighting paternity…
…Charlie Sheen plays the Death Star.
…Caitlyn Jenner wears the Princess Leia slave outfit.
…Storm Trooper’s armor matches their skin color to prove diversity compliance.
…light sabers look really cumbersome with their solar panels.
Straight Line of the Day: When the New Star Wars Movie Hits Theaters, We’ll Be Disappointed to Discover…
…Obama is still president.
…that the National Debt will be up to 76.4 Tredecillion Credits.
…8 track tapes have come back in style
…Gungan lives matter
Jar Jar Binks sexting Darth Vader
The theatre popcorn will give you the Kessel runs for 12 parsecs.
You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll kiss 10 bucks goodbye.
you’ll find the sound systems’ lack of bass disturbing.
Milton Waddams wielding a light stapler.
Janet Yellen as a sith lord.
…that this time the sith has really hit the fan.
A special appearance by William Shatner
…that they used the CGI to redo all the blasters as radios. Han Radioed First.
…that these punchlines are better than the blooper reel
The Millenium Falcon gets shot down by a Turkish fight jet.
The Millennium Falcon gets shot down by a Turkish fighter jet.
(corrected)
The three bounty hunters – Harpo, Bozo, and Bilbo Fett.
Jar-Jar is the one wielding the claymore light saber.
…Obama’s father was really a Darth Vader and Obama will continue the Dreams of his Father.
When the new Star Wars movie hits theaters, we’ll be disappointed to discover…
Disney forgot to set up any marketing tie ins for it.
it doesn’t include a death match between Whoopi GOldberg and Gwyneth Paltrow.
Ewoks and Gunguns galore!
that sometimes it is the one who shoots last that matters most.
…that, like in the other episodes, no one can hit their target.
…that the laser sounds are sub-par, sickly “pew-pew.”
…the cameo of PSY performing ‘Gungan Style’ isn’t just a rumor.
…the identification number of the Star Destroyer that crashed is 815, and the leader of Jakku is played by Michael Emerson.
George Lucas will make changes every 6 days of its release and each change will be worse than the last.
When the New Star Wars Movie Hits Theaters, We’ll Be Disappointed to Discover…
Jar Jar Binks is the main character, and is the lifelong companion of Princess Leia, and actually set up the death stars for destruction along with the ewoks and, and, and…
Ach, blah, ptui!
Excuse me, I need to wash my own mouth out with soap now.
I’m sorry.
…that Jimmy was responsible for the soundtrack, B B King’s The Thrill Is Gone, over and over.
…that Chewbacca now self identifies as a First Lady, with an uncontrollable desire to plan the lunch menus of all Sith children.
…that at no time does Ripley emerge from or prepare to enter a cryo-chamber.