Archive of entries posted on January 2023

Facts Aboot Canada

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I’m bored, and I thought it would be fun to have a Top Ten list of facts about Canada. It seems like a cool country, with Scotty T and fewer of the problems that plague the U.S.

I remember with fondness how FrnakJ and Harvey would create “Babylon Bee”-style lists of things that made me laugh, before the Babylon Bee even existed.

So have at it.

  1. Alberta is a province, not a VO-5. Biden has decided not to visit.
  2. The plural of moose is not meese.
  3. The plural of Mounties is “Shut your freaking mouth.”
  4. In Ottawa, you can get arrested for repeating the word “Ottawa” over and over.
  5. In British Columbia, you can get arrested for forgetting which Columbia you are in.
  6. Huskies do not cuddle.
  7. William Shatner = Canada.
  8. If you ever meet anyone being polite in America, they are probably from Canada.
  9. Canada did not join the American colonies in rebelling against England, but they still might.
  10. It’s freaking yuge! Consult a map if you don’t believe me.
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Yes, I Want Fries With That

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Some stupid story on MSN had this waitress talking about how she got extra tips based on what she wore to work.

My napkin is fine, thank you.

There were some other words in the article, but I didn’t read them. Just as you are not reading these.

Later I recognized my handwriting on the tab, and my pseudonym, too.

1

Biden Must Have No Sense of Humor

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Because:

  1. Does he never look at what he’s doing and saying?

2. Every hilarious story that he tells he kills with “I’m not joking.”

3. He married the babysitter and calls her “doctor.”

4. He doesn’t comment at IMAO.

On the other hand:

  1. He called Hunter “the smartest man I know.”
1

Friday FBI Corner

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(I know this hasn’t worked out well in the past, but we have a new agent who wants to give it a try.)

We’re going to totally stick it to the government! Yay! Post your own self-incriminating statement here:

I wanna __________________________________________________________________________ .

I Ain’t No Lawyer

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. . . But I’d Take This Case:

Lawsuit Alleges Disneyland Employees Laughed at Disabled Woman Before She Fell While Getting Off Ride, Later Died
KTLA | 01/19/2023 | Cindy Von Quednow

My opening statement to the court:

“Call Cindy Von Quednow!”

“Has she tainted the jury pool?“

Straight Line of the Day: Biden Apparently Still Wants To Run in 2024: We Might As Well Come Up With His Campaign Slogan Now So He Has Plenty of Time To Learn It.

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Biden Reelection Plans On Track Despite Documents Controversy
The Hill | 01/18/2023

President Biden is on track to signal his reelection plans in the next few weeks, despite a self-inflicted classified documents controversy that has energized the GOP and put his political team on its heels.

“It’s still very much in the works and nothing has changed,” said one source familiar with the planning around the president’s forthcoming 2024 campaign bid.

Straight Line of the Day: Biden apparently still wants to run in 2024: We might as well come up with his campaign slogan now so he has plenty of time to learn it.

Outlaw Motorcycle Gangs To Become Family-Oriented In-Law Motorcycle Gangs

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Harley-Davidson Will Go All-Electric, Says CEO
Jalopnik | 2023-01-18 | José Rodríguez Jr.

Harley-Davidson is planning to phase out motorcycles powered by its storied internal combustion engines, and will slowly but surely transform into an all-electric brand. Harley CEO Jochen Zeitz tells Dezeen that after 120 years of being famous for its big gas-powered models, electrification is the logical next step. That is, if the company plans on sticking around for another 120 years.

Harley-Davidson’s EV transition “needs to happen,” according to its CEO, and not just on a small scale with a brand like LiveWire. No, we’re talking H-D dealers selling EVs exclusively, although it isn’t going to happen overnight.

♪

Greta motor runnin’
Make a ghetto of the highway
Lookin’ for indenture
To whatever comes our way
Yeah, Darlin’ go make it harping
On the evils of the human race
Confiscate all of your guns at once, in an
Ex post facto case

I believe in wonderkinds
Ah, that little Thunberg
Embracin’ all of that wind and
The solar ceiling I’m under
Yeah, Darlin’ gonna make Jake Tapper
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire conservatives all at once;
Diversify aerospace

Like a true female child
We were born to be beguiled
Hog Riders goodbye —
The planet’s gonna die!

Born to be guiled
Born to be guiled

♪

2

Monty Python’s “Cheese Shop Sketch” — With Cheese Replaced By Visitor Logs

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Report: Secret Service to Disclose Visitor Records from Biden’s Residence
Breitbart ^ | 01-19-2023

The Secret Service is reportedly willing to reverse course and disclose visitor records from President Joe Biden’s Wilmington residence, where classified documents were unearthed by the president’s personal attorneys.

While the Secret Service claims not to keep visitor logs of everyone who entered Biden’s home, the Secret Service does keep records of those who “come into contact” with the locations the agency protects. It’s those logs the Secret Service is willing to turn over to Congress, according to Fox News.

Ask them any questions, and you’ll quickly find yourself in the Argument Sketch.