Kerry recently came out with his four-point plan for Iraq, but they were all basically what Bush is already doing… except Kerry would do it while haughtier and more French-looking. It took a lot of brainstorming for him to come up with those points, and I obtained a probably non-forged document of the rejected ideas.
TOP TEN REJECTED POINTS FOR KERRY’S IRAQ PLAN
10. To help fund it, have corporate sponsorship. I.e., the interim government becomes the Coca-Cola government.
9. Calm fears of allies by negotiating new corrupt deals with France over oil.
8. Don their clothing and become one of them ala Laurence of Arabia.
7. Give troops more nuanced weaponry that never does anything useful but has lots of electronics and switches.
6. See if the insurgents would be any nicer if they knew the president of the U.S. served in Vietnam.
5. Send his wife over there to give them an example of what a liberated woman is like.
4. Get people against Sadr by telling them that ‘S’ stands for “stupid.”
3. Rename Iraq “Happy Fun Desert Land” for better marketability.
2. Have all the different factions meet at Kerry’s (wife’s) Cape Cod estate for a dinner party to resolve all differences over hors douvres.
And the number one rejected point for Kerry’s Iraq plan–
Run away!
First!
“Happy Fun Desert Land”
funny
If he brought Teh-ray-za there, they would never want to be liberated!
As long as he keeps step #1….Pull his head out of his rectum.
If those don’t work, maybe we should build a large wooden badger…….
Send his wife over there to give them an example of what a liberated woman is like.
Tooooo funny! I can just see Ter-ey-zaa calling them all “scumbags” and “idiots”! That would work.
abnjm,
we can’t do that…no…no…it’s much to perilous!
Frank: Your ideas are too funny, dude! Laughing very loudly at work!
1. Can’t wife just pay them to play nice?
2. Threaten to pilot swift boat up the Tigris and Euphrates start free fire zone, burn hooches, cut ears off, rape, throw grenades in rice stores, show wound on butt, remind all that I served in viet nam.
3. Threaten to take over the airwaves and show viet nam highlights reel 24/7 with my exciting narration until terroists beg for mercy.
4. Have wife slowly fly over entire country in blimp from Blade Runner screaming “shove it” “idiots” and “scumbags” until terroists heads explode
5. If wife happens to “buy it” in blimp “accident” pass go and collect $200 Billion
6. Have butler make PBJ, won’t help Iraq, but me hungry
7. Threaten terroists with germs from that white craps that was at the corners of my mouth during exceptance speech
8. Have running mate “sue their ass” if terrorists won’t give up
9. Have wife buy enough “virgins”
10. Offer Sadr that you’ll pimp his ride
EIGHTH!
While “Happy Fun Desert Land” is good, wouldn’t you be able to market it better as “Happy Fun Dessert Land”.
It’d be a much sweeter name…
Peace=Prosperity, Bush=War
That’ll get them begging for an eight amendment in no time.
First!
Well, dang. I guess I took too long composing that comment.
ken fowler,
WAR=PEACE=PROSPERITY….and Bush is the only guy running who’s man enough to make it happen!
Have Dan Rather replace Baghdad Bob.
Give em a long (scary) stare, artifically deepen your voice a couple octaves and well …. just bore the whole country to death.
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