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  8. “I know what your thinking: Did I fire all six bullets or only five? To tell you the truth, in the heat of the moment I lost count myself. But, being this a .44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and could take your head clean off with a single shot, you have to ask yourself, ‘Do you feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?”
    That’s from memory, so it’s probably not verbatim 🙂

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  11. Analyze This…
    Billy Crystal: “What can you do with a mistress you can’t do with your wife?”
    DeNiro: “Hey! Those are the lips that kiss my children!”
    There are just too many quotes from too many movies to pick just one though!

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  13. This might be a bit long, but it’s still the best:
    “I know what you’re thinking, punk. You’re thinking, “Did he fire six shots or only five?” Well, to tell you the truth, I’ve forgotten myself in all this excitement. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?”

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  17. Sorry ladies but a great line from As Good As It Gets
    Fan: “How do you write women so well?”
    Jack: “Well, I think of a man, then I take away reason, and accountability.”
    Sexist yes, but that was the point of the line. Very good line though :^)

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  21. Are you going to pull those pistols, or whistle Dixie?
    – The Outlaw Josie Whales
    young kid – Do you think we outta bury those fellas?
    Josie – (spits on one of the dead mens forehead) To hell with them fellas. Buzzards gotta eat, same as the worms.
    – The Outlaw Josie Whales

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  23. I think Frank will now change his vote to this one:
    “Laugh while you can, Monkey Boy!” – Dr. Emilo Lizardo, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eigth Dimension, 1984.
    Yikes! I didn’t even catch the applicability of the reference fo lizards from so long ago until just now!
    Oh, runner up: “Where are we going?” “Planet 10!” “When?” “Real SOON!”

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  24. From “Labrynth”…Jennifer Connelly (mmmmmmm….Jennifer Connelly) has just compained to the Goblin King (David Bowie) “That’s not fair!” to which he resonds:

    “You say that alot. I wonder what your basis for comparison is?”

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  31. Ok, here is the direct quote.
    Perp looks at shotgun lying just a foot away. Harry Callahan says “ah ah aaah.. I know what you’re thinkin. Did he fire 6 or only five.. well, this being a .44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off, you gotta ask yourself one question… Do I feel lucky? Well, Do Ya? Punk!”

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  32. “Supreme executive power derives itself from a mandate of the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony!!! I mean, if I went ’round, sayin’ I was a emperor, just because some moistened bent lobed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!!!”
    “We are the Knights who say… Ni!!!!!!”
    Any of John Cleese’s lines from his part as the Rude French Soldier would also be good…
    For the uninitiated, both quotes and the Rude French Soldier are from Monty Python and the Holy Grail…

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  34. Wait, that’s not it, here it is 🙂
    Perp looks at shotgun lying just a foot away. Harry Callahan says “ah ah aaah.. I know what you’re thinkin. Did he fire 6 or only five.. [well, in all this excitement, I don’t rightly know myself], but this being a .44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off, you gotta ask yourself one question… Do I feel lucky? Well, Do Ya? Punk!”
    There, I feel better now. haha

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  37. You want answers?!
    I want the truth.
    You can’t handle the truth!!!!
    Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I
    know: That Santiago’s death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence,
    while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.
    You don’t want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don’t talk about at
    parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty…we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use ’em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the
    very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I’d prefer
    you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a
    weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you’re
    entitled to!!!!
    I know it’s long but it still gives me chills.
    Adam

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  50. Johnny Dangerously: Roman Maroni addresses the court…
    “I would like to direct this to the distinguished members of the panel: You lousy corksuckers. You have violated my farging rights. Dis somanumbatching country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens like me could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin iceholes…like yourselves.”
    farging bastiges!

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  51. OOOH i hated the colonel with his WEE BEADY EYES!!! AND THAT SMUG LOOK ON HIS FACE!! oh!! you going to buy my chicken, oooohhh
    How can you hate the colonel?
    Cuz he put a secret ingredient in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly!!!! Smartass!!!!!!!!!
    Charlie and his father
    SO i married an axe murderer

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  57. From Major League:
    Cerrano: “Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.”
    Harris: “You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.”
    Cerrano: “Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.”
    Harris: “You trying to say Jesus Christ can’t hit a curveball?”

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  59. Arnold goodies!!
    Stick around!!
    Move out..Five meter spread..no sound.
    Predator
    I let him go.
    Blow off some steam bennet.
    Remember when I said I would kill you last?…I Lied.
    Don’t disturb my friend…he’s dead tired.
    Commando
    I’ll be back!
    Terminator
    Hasta la vista, baby!
    Terminator 2
    You are terminated!
    Terminator 2
    Consider that a divorce!
    Total Recall
    You should not drink and bake!
    Raw Deal
    You are one ugly mother f***er!
    Predator
    Knock, Knock!
    Predator
    Chill out
    Terminator 2
    it’s not a tumor
    Kindergatern Cop
    Feel free to add any i missed
    Adam

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  60. “Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need roads.”
    (Doc Brown, Back to the Future and motto of M1A1’s Flying Car Company)
    And many from Princess Bride
    “No good. I’ve known too many Spaniards”
    “We are men of action. Lies do not become us.”
    “You must be that little Spanish brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. Simply incredible. You’ve been tracking me your whole life, only to fail now? I think that’s the worst thing I ever heard. How marvelous.”
    “I want my father back, you son of a bitch!”

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  61. And not to be forgotten.
    Humperdinck: [standing in the doorway] A technicality that will shortly be remedied…but first things first.. [He draws his sword] To the death!
    Wesley: [slowly sitting up] No! To the pain!
    Humperdinck: I don’t think I’m quite familiar with that phrase?
    Wesley: I’ll explain, and I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand. You warthog-faced-buffoon!
    Humperdinck: [insulted] That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
    Wesley: It won’t be the last. To the pain means the first thing you lose will be your your feet below the ankles, then your hands at your wrists. Next, your nose.
    Humperdinck: Then my tongue, I suppose? I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don’t mean to duplicate tonight.
    Wesley: I wasn’t finished! The next thing you lose will be your left eye followed by your right!
    Humperdinck: And then my ears…I understand! Let’s get on with it!
    Wesley: Wrong! Your ears you keep, and I’ll tell you why; so that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness is yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman that cries out, ‘dear god what is that thing!’ will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.

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  66. HAL: I’m afraid. I’m afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I’m a…fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you’d like to hear it I can sing it for you.
    Dave Bowman: Yes, I’d like to hear it, HAL. Sing it for me.
    HAL: It’s called “Daisy”. Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I’m half crazy all for the love of you. It won’t be a stylish marriage, I can’t afford a carriage. But you’ll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two.

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  67. “What in the Wide Wide World Of Sports is a-goin’ on here?” -Slim Pickens, Blazing Saddles
    “Wait, help! Auntie Em, Auntie Em! Surprise. Like who doesn’t have an Interocitor, you collective heads of knuckle? Now get back into that theater, you ninny-hammers! And remember, I know who you are, and I saw what you did! I’m the God. I’m the God! Ahahahahaha!” – Dr. Clayton Forrester, MST3K: The Movie

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  69. “She’s like the village bicycle! Everybody’s had a ride!”
    -Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
    “You thought you could destroy me, but I’m still standing! I’m still strong!
    -Antwone Fisher
    “Say hello to my lee-tle friend!”
    -Scarface

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  70. Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat-bastard cream there is none. — The Full Monty
    Asshoooooooooole! (with a Shakesperean delivery) — A Fish Called Wanda
    Fasten your seat belts. It’s going to be a bumpy ride. — All About Eve

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  71. from We Were Soldiers….
    SGT Savage: “Beautiful morning, Sergeant!”
    Sgt. Maj. Plumley: “What are you a f***ing weatherman now?”
    also….
    SGT Savage: “Good-morning Sergeant Major.”
    Sgt. Maj. Plumley: “How do you know what kind of goddamn day it is?”

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  79. Okay, here are a few from Full Metal Jacket, not the best movie in the world but one with some of the best lines –
    Joker: How can you shoot women and children?

    Door Gunner: Easy… you don’t lead ’em so much. Ain’t war hell?

    Joker: I wanted to visit Vietnam, the crown jewel of Southeast Asia. I wanted to meet people of an exotic and interesting culture and kill them. I want to be the first kid on my block to score a confirmed kill.
    And, finally, a few choice quotes from R. Lee Ermey as Gunnery Sergeant Hartman:
    If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon, you will be a minister of death, praying for war.

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  86. The best quote from Casablanca is way too often overlooked.
    Near the end, the Nazi Colonel tells the Police Chief to find a reason to close down Rick’s Place.
    (Twweeeeeet!) “Everybody out! This establishment is now closed!”
    Bogart: “What are you shutting me down for.”
    Chief: “I’m shocked, shocked I say, to discover that there is gambling going on in this establishment.”
    (waiter hands Chief a wad of cash)
    Waiter: “Your winnings, sir.”
    Chief: “Ah, yes, thank you.”

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  88. Clint Eastwood in Hearbreak Ridge was outstanding for quotes. Better than R. Lee Ermey.
    “Be advised, I’m mean nasty and tired. I eat concertina wire and piss napalm and I could a round through a flea’s ass at 300 yards.”
    “The United States’ Marines is lookin’ for a few good men – you ain’t it.”
    “This is the AK-47 Assault Rifle, the preferred weapon of our enemy. It makes a distinctive sound when fired at you, so remember it.”
    “Why don’t I bend you over the table there… send you home with the “I just pumped the neighbor’s cat” look on your face.”
    “Just because we’re holding hands doesn’t mean we’ll be taking warm showers together until the wee hours of the morning.”
    “Here’s to J.J. and all the pieces of him we couldn’t find.”

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  92. You’re gonna need a bigger boat. – Jaws
    If you can find lower prices anywhere, my name ain’t Nathan Arizona! – Raising Arizona
    Yeah, if you could do that from now on that would be great. – Office Space

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  96. legal advice from Liar Liar
    STOP BEAKIN THE LAW ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!
    AND
    you know what i’m gonna do about this?! Nothing…because if i take you to small claims court it will just drain 8 hours out of my day, and if i finally got the judgement you’d just stiff me anyway, and so what i gonna do is piss and moan like an impotent jerk and then bend over andtake it up the tail pipe!!!!!!!!
    AND
    He’s a pedantic pontificating pretentious bastard, a beligerent old fart a worthless steaming pile of cowdung…figuratively speaking…….
    simmons is old. he should have been out of the game years ago but he can’t stay home cuz he hates his wife. and you tom…you’re the biggest brownnose i have ever seen. you’ve got your head so far up mr allens ass,. I can’t tell where you end and he begins. You couldn’t get a pornstar off. Your hairpeice looks like something that was killed crossing the highway, i don’t know weather to comb it or scrape it off with a shovel and bury it it lye!!! Loser!!!!! Idoit!!! Wimp!!! Degenerate!!!!
    SLLLLUUUTT!!!!!!!!
    See ya later dickhead!!!!
    adam

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  97. “Ray, when someone asks if you are a god, you say YES!” – Ghostbusters
    “Look, Sammy, I’m not a very good shot… [holds up his huge revolver] …but the Samaritan here uses really big bullets. ” – Hellboy

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  99. Come with me if you want to live. – Terminator 1&2 never saw 3
    It’s no joke, it’s a rope, Tuco. – Clint from GB&U
    There’s really not much future with a sawed off runt like you. – same
    How is it with stains? – Josey Wales
    I have one simple request, and THAT IS TO HAVE SHARKS WITH FREAKIN’ LASER BEAMS ATTACHED TO THEIR HEADS! – Dr. Evil

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  100. “We’re going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks!” – George C. Scott in “Patton”

    “Make’em a deal”
    “A deal?”
    “Yeah, a deal deal. Maybe they’re Republicans!”
    Crapgame to Kelly at the end of “Kelly’s Heroes”

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  101. “you shouldn’t a done that. He’s just a boy. uhhm-hmmm.”
    I also like the “steeking badges!!” qoute. But how about Wierd Al in UHF?
    “Badgers? Badgers??? We doan need no steeekin badgers!!!”
    “She touched my peppe Steve”
    From that clone movie with Micheal Keaton

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  102. What we’ve got here is… failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach. So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it… well, he gets it. I don’t like it any more than you men.

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  105. I know it’s a show but Spike from Buffy had some of the best quotes ever:
    “You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That’s what conquering nations do. It’s what Caesar did, and he’s not going around saying, “I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it.” The history of the world isn’t people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story. ”
    “You’re not friends. You’ll never be friends. You’ll be in love till it kills you both. You’ll fight, you’ll shag and you’ll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you’ll never be friends. Love isn’t brains children, it’s blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m man enough to admit it.”
    And finally, Bester from Babylon 5:
    “I see they’re still hiring from the shallow end of the gene pool.”

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  106. “Now when this can hits the ground, draw your guns and start shooting.” – Snake Blisken in Escape from LA ending a Tijuana stand-off.
    “How can you shoot women and children?!”
    “Easy… Ya’ Just don’t lead ’em as much… HA!… Ain’t war hell?” Full Metal Jacket
    “Enough talk.” Auh-nald in Conan the Destroyer
    also,
    “Doesn’t anything hurt you?”
    “Only pain.” also from Conan the Destroyer.
    It amazes me that every single line listed so far in the comments is right out of my list of favorites. Methinks I found a group of folks that I’d like to meet for a few beers and hang out with. Frank, when are you going to have the IMAO takes over Disney tour?

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  110. Ah, B5 qoutes. ^-^
    A guard: I don’t watch TV. It’s a cultural wasteland filled with inappropriate metaphors and an unrealistic portrayal of life created by the liberal media elite.
    Captain Elizabeth Lochley: What the hell is your problem?
    Michael Garibaldi: For starters, I don’t know you, therefore I don’t trust you.
    Captain Elizabeth Lochley: The world is full of people you don’t know.
    Michael Garibaldi: I worry about that all the time.
    Ambassador Londo Mollari: Ah, arrogance and stupidity all in the same package. How efficient of you!
    Ambassador Londo Mollari: Everyone around me dies, Mr. Morden, except those who most deserve it.
    Ambassador Vir Cotto: Prophecy is a guess that comes true. When it doesn’t, it’s a metaphor.
    Marcus Cole: [after beating someone for information] Its like I always say, you get more with a kind word and a two-by-four than with just a kind word.
    Dr. Stephen Franklin: I’m waiting. For an apology.
    Sinclair: You better check the temperature in Hell first.
    Citizen G’Kar: The universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements. Energy, matter, and enlightened self-interest.
    Susan Ivanova: I know, I know. It’s a Russian thing. When we’re about to do something stupid, we like to catalog the full extent of our stupidity for future reference.
    Lt. Commander Susan Ivanova: Fine! All my life I’ve fought against imperialism; now I’m the expanding Russian frontier!
    Dr. Stephen Franklin: Yes, but with very nice borders.

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  114. “I FEEL the need; the need for speed!”
    Kids; sheesh!
    “You live your life between your legs, man.”
    “That sonofabitch cut me off!”
    “Did you catch the number of that school we saw on TV, Mav? ‘Truckmasters’, I think it was? I might need that.”
    “Just tell me one thing: if you had to go into battle, would you want him with you?”
    “You guys really are cowboys.” Now, that should have also been Val Kilmer’s line after he shot Johnny Ringo!

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  115. And I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless,hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spineless, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujia! Holy Shit!… Where’s the Tylenol.
    Clark Griswald ….Christmas Vacation

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  120. Dr. Egon Spengler: There’s something very important I forgot to tell you.
    Dr. Peter Venkman: What?
    Dr. Egon Spengler: Don’t cross the streams.
    Dr. Peter Venkman: Why?
    Dr. Egon Spengler: It would be bad
    Also..
    Dr. Raymond Stantz: Good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County, and State of New York, I order you to cease any, and all, supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin, or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.
    Dr. Peter Venkman: That ought to do it. Thanks very much, Ray.

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  122. Egon: Vince, you said before you were waiting for a sign. What sign are you waiting for?
    Vince Klortho: Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!
    Forgot this one

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  123. Hey, orange balls! I’ll have a box of those, gimmie a box of those naked lady tees, gimmie 2 of those, gimmie 6 of those. Oh, this is the worst looking hat I ever saw. Well you buy a hat like this I’ll bet you get a free bowl of soup. Huh? Oh, well it looks good on you though.
    Rodney, in Caddyshack

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  125. From “The 5th Element”
    Quote 1: Bruce Willis has just been told the world is about to be destroyed…
    “How much time do I have?”
    “About fifty-five minutes.”
    ….
    “I’ll call you back in an hour.”
    Quote 2:
    “I. Am. VERRRRY. Disappointed!”

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  128. from Mars Attacks:
    “I want the people to know they still have two out of the three branches of government working for them, and that ain’t bad.”
    (after the Martians kill the entire welcoming party on arrival) “Maybe it was just a cultural misunderstanding.”
    from The Big Lebowski:
    “The Dude abides, man.”
    Wu: “What the f*** is this?” (holding a bowling ball)
    Dude: “Obviously, you’re not a golfer.”
    “What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? Is it being prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost? Isn’t that what makes a man?”
    “Mmm. . . sure, that and a pair of testicles.”
    “You’re entering a world of pain, my friend, a world of pain!”

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  132. “But Scotty-if we kill all the gophers won’t we all go to jail?”
    Bill Murray in CaddyShack
    “You can’t fight in here- This is the War Room!!”
    Peter Sellars as the “President” in Dr. Strangelove

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  133. “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.”
    Wooderson, from Dazed and Confused
    Disclaimer: The poster of this quote does not in any way suggest, recommend, or encourage the harrassment of high school girls. This is posted for entertainment purposes only. Use at your own risk. That is all. Carry on.

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  137. “Get your ass to Mars!”
    – Ah-nold, Total Recall
    “You tell them I’m coming, and hell’s coming with me!”
    – Wyatt Earp, Tombstone
    This should be the military’s slogan! Especially when they’re hunting for terrorists.

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  143. From The Thin Man:
    Powell reading the paper the morning after being superficially wounded:”I’m a hero, I was shot twice in the Tribune.”
    Loy (wife):”I read you were shot five times in the tabloids.”
    Powell:”It’s not true. He didn’t come anywhere near my tabloids.”

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  145. Here’s an interesting concept:
    If you’re going to post a comment here, offering your choice(s) of great movie lines, give us the damned movie title and the character or actor’s name(s).
    Otherwise, quit wasting precious space and bandwidth.
    Wilford Brimley’s only great moment in cinematic history is in “Absence of Malice” with Paul Newman and Sally Fields. I won’t quote it, because it is too long and wouldn’t make sense out of context, much like about 40% of the posts above. But it is brilliant, and so apropos to today’s television and print media.

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  147. ‘Of course, you’ll have the good taste not to mention that I spoke to you.’
    “Of course.” Blazing Sattles
    warningracy*
    “You said you wanted a couple of n- words to go down there, but truth be told, my mother was part Dutch.” – same
    “Is it twoo what they say of you and your peopw?
    OH- IT’S TWOO, IT’S TWOO”

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  154. “Good, bad, I’m the guy with the gun.”
    “You found me beautiful once. Honey, you got real ugly.”
    Pretty much anything from the Evil Dead series.
    Mallrats-
    Brodie: “Why can’t they bring back or remake good shows. Like BJ and the Bear. Now there’s a concept I can’t get enough of, a man and his monkey.”
    Gwen: “Brodie, you remember that costume party?.
    Brodie: Might that be the one were you banged Rick Deras on the pool table?
    Gwen: How is it you recall the most trivial events?
    Brodie: I’ll never forget it, how many chances do you get to see smokey f*** the bandit?”

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  159. Little Bill: “I don’t deserve this, I was building a house.”
    William Muney: “Deserve’s got nuthin’ to do with it.”
    or
    “Anyone don’t wanna get shot better head on out the back”
    or
    “Anyone out here takes a shot at me and I’ll kill ya and your family and everyone you know and burn your damn house down.”
    Unforvigeven

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  165. “You were gonna shoot a deer?? A poor, defenseless, doe-eyed little deer?? Imagine you’re a deer. You go down to the brook, put your little deer lips down to the cool, clear water… and BAM! a fckin’ bullett hits you right in the head, your brains are splattered all over the ground. Now I ask ya… would you give a fck what kind of pants the sonofabitch who shot ya was wearin’?”
    Marisa Tomei in “My Cousin Vinnie”

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  168. “I want to Eat Your Face…. it could just be so yummy…..”
    Alien from Naked Space
    The Captain (Played by Lieslie Nielson): It appears to have eaten Dr. Stark.
    Rodsinski: Appears?! Tht was unmitigated eating!
    Office Space? Oh yeah….
    Anything Milton says!
    Samear (SP?)
    Oh no, not again – Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam – I swear to God – one of these days, I just kick this piece of st out the window.
    Michael Bolton:
    You and me both man – that thing is lucky I’m not armed.
    Samear:
    Piece of s    t.
    Peter: Hey guys…..
    Michael: What up, G?
    Peter: So you guys want to go to Choci’s – get some coffee?
    Samear:
    It’s a little early…..
    Peter: I gotta get out of here – I think I’m gonna lost it.
    Office Lady: Uh-oh – Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays.
    At Chocis:
    Peter: Boy I tell ya, some days, one of these days its just going to be like (Sound of Machine gun)
    Annoying waiter: Guh guh guh – ha ha ha so can I get you gentlemen something more to drink, or maybe something to niblle on – some pizza shooters, shrimp poppers, or extreme faijitas?
    Peter: Just coffee.
    Annoying Waiter: OK – sounds like a case of the Mondays. (Laughs and walks off)
    Bob 1:
    What you do at Initech is So you take the specifications from the customers and you bring them down to the software engineers.
    Tom: Yes, yes, that’s… that’s right.
    Bob 2: Well, then, I’ll just have to ask – why couldn’t the customers just take them directly down to the software people, huh?
    Tom: Well, I’ll tell you why…. because engineers are not good at dealing with customers.
    Bob 1: So you physically take the specs from the customer?
    Tom: Well…. no…. my secretary does that… or their fax.
    Bob 2: So then you must physically bring them to the software people.
    Tom: Well… no…… yea, I mean sometimes.
    Bob 1: What….. What would you say you do here?

    Tom: Well, look, I already told you – I deal with the g*****n customers so the engineers don’t have to. I have people skills. I am good at dealing with people. Can’t you understand that? What the he** is wrong with you people?! I….

    Joanna:
    So where do you work, Peter?
    Peter: Initech.
    Joanna: Inyaa……. so what do you do there?
    Peter: I sit in a cubicle – and I update bank software for the 2000 switch.
    Joanna:
    What’s that?
    Peter:
    Well, see they wrote all this bank software and uh to save space they used 2 digits for the date instead of 4 – so like 98 instead of 1998? Uh so I go through these thousands of lines of code… and ah…. it doesn’t really matter …. I don’t like my job and I don’t think I’m going to go anymore.
    Joanna:
    Youre just not going to go?
    Peter: Yeah.
    Joanna: Won’t you get fired?
    Peter: I don’t know. But I really don’t like it, and I’m not going to go.
    Joanna: Heh – so your going to quit?
    Peter: Nu uh – not really – uh… I’m just gonna stop going.
    Joanna: Heh heh when did you decide all of that?
    Peter: About an hour ago.
    Joanna: Really?
    Peter: Yeah.
    Joanna: About an hour ago. Ha – So are you going to get another job?
    Peter: I don’t think I’d like another job.
    Joanna: So what are you going to do about money, and bills and…?
    Peter: You know, I never really liked paying bills, I don’t think I’m going to do that either.
    Joanna: So what do you wanna do?
    Better stop now, I could keep going. How I love that first half of the movie somedays.

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  170. Any of the however many minutes of Casablanca kicks the rear of most any other movie.
    My favorite edited-for-TV quote:
    (Ghostbusters) “We were fine until Wally the Wick there shut down our containment unit.” “Is that true?” “Yes; the man is some kind of weasel.”
    Funnier than the original.
    Favorite new quote:The Incredibles – “Where is my super suit?”

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  173. Terry: “You know the hardest thing about being smart?
    His friend: “No”
    Terry: “I always pretty much know what’s gonna happen. There’s no suspense.”
    – Billy Bob Thornton in “Bandits”
    “The hurt you’re feelin now ain’t the worst pain. The worst thing, is not feelin’ the hurt anymore.”
    – Tom Berenger in “Sniper”
    Oh, and BTW, for the dildos who are putting quotes up without attributions…uh, just a little unclear on the concept, ya know?

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  175. From True Grit: Rooster & Co are headed to town with a load of corpses following a shoot-out with the bad guys. Mattie Ross looks back and worries that the cadavers may be jostled off the pack horses. Rooster replies: “Well – they’re past hurtin.”
    And, my fave from Dr. Strangelove: “Gentlemen! You can’t fight in here – This is the WAR ROOM!”

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  176. OK not a movie but great anyway: “We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them all to Christianity.” — Ann Coulter
    “I fart in your general direction, I unclog my nose at you, you son of an English Pig-Dog!” — MPAHG
    “Your Commie has no regard for human life. Not even his own.” — General Jack D. Ripper
    “Survival kit contents check. In them you’ll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days’ concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella’ could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.” — Major King Kong
    “Mein Führer! I can WALK!” — Dr. Strangelove

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  177. “Who are you going to believe? Me or your own eyes.”
    “How much would it cost me to buy back my introduction to you?”
    “Why dont you join the club and beat yourself over the head with it.”
    -Groucho Marx

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