Amnesty International has been pestering the greatest country in the universe – America – for some time, so I sent my crack research staff to find out what they can about that strange organization.
FUN FACTS ABOUT AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL
* Amnesty International was co-founded by Eddie Amnesty and Louie International, and it was named after their fathers.
* It started out as more of a fight club, but eventually, as always happened, it evolved into an organization that tries to free political prisoners.
* Amnesty International has been around a really long time. Back in the Wild West, they made sure mob justice was at least sanitary.
* They still have a few unanswered petitions sent in about the Spanish Inquisition.
* After personally filing a complaint to a lion about its treatment of zebra, the resultant loss of limb convinced them to stick to abuses done by people.
* With all the murder, oppression, and horrors in the world today, they’ve decided the most pressing issue is America not giving terrorist prisoners free HBO.
* Oh, and they don’t like America executing murderers. Hey, our murderers,
our choice.
* I think technically they’re against people being executed in other countries for simply practicing their God given rights, but why make a fuss?
* Amnesty International is still petitioning God to get a full account of the conditions in hell and what His trial process is.
* Since Amnesty International was created to focus on freeing political prisoners, apparently murdering children is now a political view.
* While huge atrocities are committed by other countries all the time, Amnesty International tends to focus on things to complain about in America as it is a much better country to hang out in.
* Amnesty International has been against Gitmo ever since they visited it once and an officer accidentally spilled bottle water on one of them which, by their account, is the worst possible form of torture.
* While they called Gitmo a “gulag,” they also said the same thing about Denny’s in their annual Amnesty International Dining Guide.
* Though they made a fuss about Koran treatment in Gitmo, they constantly play “Koran Ball” in their own offices.
* If you want to play yourself, all you need are four markers to mark the goals and the words of the prophet Mohammed.
* Soon they plan to file a big complaint about the U.S. and Iraq imprisoning Saddam simply for his political views of killing everyone who disagrees with him politically.
* In a fight between Aquaman and Amnesty International, Aquaman’s phony trials without juries in Atlantis would go ignored since they can’t be used to zing America in any way.
* If you are being attacked by Amnesty International, the best defense is to lock them up without a trial.
* If you have a good shovel, you can also hit them with a shovel.
* Once, Amnesty International unsuccessfully petitioned to free the contestants in Big Brother. If they can get more reality shows off the air, more power to them.
Frist! lol…
SarahK: Aren’t you glad I didn’t say “first?”
I thought that Sweden, Switzerland, and Canada all offered a greater quality of life than the US…?
I will donate 5 cents towards a one way ticket for oasis to go to one of the listed countries and not come back.
Interestingly enough I walked past a pathetic Amnesty International protest today objecting overthe holing of asylum seekers in Britain or somthing, it consisted of a bunch of stupid, aging, self hating hippy liberals locking themselves up in a plywood cage, scathing!
Kenneth Anderson found this in AI’s Handbook for the Hoodwinked, or An American Gulag?
“The United States government and its leadership are a gang of criminals who should be isolated, sanctioned, arrested, and condemned as in principle no better than the undeniably criminal Sudanese government–but, by the way, it would be excellent if the Great Satan would also mount its noble charger, rattle its weapons, gird up its loins, and intervene to defend the people of Sudan. Please report to the International Criminal Court’s dock in The Hague to be tried for torture and war crimes and what-not–but on your way, could you stop by Darfur, using military force if necessary to protect the people from genocide, make sure the peace treaty ending the war in the south doesn’t fall apart, and don’t do anything that we might regard as unnecessary collateral damage (we’ll be watching, and we’ll add anything we don’t like to the list of your crimes). And, oh yes, be sure to arrest and bring the wicked Sudanese leaders and militias along with you to The Hague, so they can be prosecuted after we finish with you.”
So they do have a plan, just a really twisted one we should probably refuse to play.
apparently murdering children is now a political view.
Ouch. Good one, Frank.
Yes, please!
Hey, our murderers, our choice.
That’s my kind of pro-choice. Classic, as always.
A great list, Frank.
Amnesty International is still petitioning God to get a full account of the conditions in hell and what His trial process is.
Heh, I just got a mental image of three hippies in red armbands, standing before God and demanding to be allowed access to Hell.
AI: “And we want to see ALL NINE Circles, too! No hiding from us!”
God: “OK, if you insist. I’ll do ya one better, I’ll even put you on the ‘interactive full experience’ tour! It’ll take a millenia or so, make sure you’re wearing your comfy shoes. . .”
Dr. Phat Tony
You’re welcome to fund it, sugar. ;-*
“Koran Ball”… Heh. Classic!
But they call it “Qu’ran Oblate Spheroid.”
Just a heads up.
If you have a good shovel, you can also hit them with a shovel.
Damn, I hate manual labor.
On the bright side I get to go to the Home Depot. Pretty, shiney tools!
With all the murder, oppression, and horrors in the world today, they’ve decided the most pressing issue is America not giving terrorist prisoners free HBO.
ROFLMAO!
Priceless, freaking priceless!