“The Democrats and the terrorists have never agreed on anything,” Representative John Murtha told the press, “Well, we both think that the Iraq war was a mistake, we oppose America acting unilaterally, we hate President Bush and everything he stands for, and we use troop deaths as an indication that our views are correct – but other than all that, we Democrats and the terrorists are complete opposites on everything. That is until today when we’ve come together to oppose Bush’s new troop escalation.”
“Bush is an infidel and a joooo!” the terrorist next to Murtha shouted.
Murtha chuckled. “Exactly. That why the terrorists and I have come up with a plan to finally end the war in Iraq. I call it the ‘slow-bleed’ strategy. At home, we Democrats will use our legislative powers to limit the number of troops available for Bush’s war. In Iraq, the terrorists will use their guns and bombs to also limit the number of troops available. Together, we’ll make sure that eventually there will be no troops in Iraq.”
The press was stunned silent. One reporter finally said, “Uh… I’m from the New York Times, and even I think that might be treason.”
“Treasonous like a fox!” Murtha said.
“New York is full of joooos!” the terrorist added.
Another reporter stepped forward. “I’m Melinda Hawkish from FOX News, and I have a question for the terrorist.”
“What is it, filthy harlot?” the terrorist asked.
Melinda pulled out a gun and shot the terrorist in the kneecaps. She then took out a package of uncooked bacon and began shoving it into the terrorists mouth. “You want bacon? You want bacon?”
“That’s unnecessarily combative!” Murtha shouted.
Melinda dropped the bacon. “Well, the only other questions FOX News is allowing me to ask are about Anna Nicole Smith.”
“This press conference is over!” Murtha said. “Death to America!”
Somewhere in Iraq, Buck the Marine was watching the news on TV with fellow Marines. “You ever get the feeling some of the America people and politicians don’t support us?” Buck asked.
“It’s not like they want us dead,” Gomez said. “They just want us to lose and be humiliated.”
“I thought I once heard that Murtha was a Marine,” Johnson said.
“That’s just a lie the enemy put out there to demoralize us,” Buck responded. “Don’t believe a word of it.”
We need more reporters like Melinda Hawkish. She’s my kind of gal.
Melinda is my hero.
She should have used that bullet to ventilate Murtha’s cranial cavity. Bastards!
“What is it, filthy harlot?” the terrorist asked.
You have your channels mixed up, Frank! Rita Cosby works for MSNBC not Fox! Very funny as always!
No, I thought that “Rita” hosted Red Eye.
another IMW in which Chuck Hagel fails to die. I am sorely disappointed.
and yet amused.
A good effort, but not even the mystical powers of bacon can replace the empty hole of unstrangled reporters left by the departure of Rumsfeld.
maybe Robert Gates can start running reporters over with a humvee. or poking them with a cattle prod. or something.
maybe Condi will have to do the compensating for the loss of her partner in cool by fragulating some reporters. (ooh, I got it…the sudden stoppage in stranglings leads the DC police to believe the strangler has been caught for smething else, then Condi starts strangling reporters, leading them to wonder if he’s back, or if its a copycat….then she pins the blame on Bush so she can take over!)