* So the big news: Steve Jobs has resigned. Apple was basically the one company doing well in the Obama economy, and now what’s going to happen to them? Are people going to want the next iPhone if it’s not Steve Jobs playing up its minor improvements but instead some other old guy in a black turtleneck? I can’t imagine they will. You’ll probably be able to buy one of those expensive Mac books soon for like $20 because why would hipsters want them anymore.
So how did Obama screw this up? I don’t know; we can just be pretty sure he did something stupid. We thought we were safe since he was busy golfing, but somehow he must of done something to get Steve Jobs to quit. That’s President Obama, always costing this country Jobs.
* Did you know that way back when, Barack Obama called Bush adding $4 trillion to the debt over eight years “unpatriotic”? Obama has added more than that in two and half years, so what’s the term for that? Terrorism? No; wait — terrorism is not wanting to spend more. Oh, this is so confusing; it’s like the left-wing are babbling partisan idiots with no coherent philosophy. I guess I’m just not understanding it.
* Apparently Cheney advised Bush to bomb Syria back in 2007. Cheney came to this conclusion when he realized Syria was in the Middle East.
* According to polls, Rick Perry is now the clear frontrunner among the GOP candidates, and the White House is already focusing on digging up as much dirt on Perry as they can. They even have an online form just for people to submit what they think is the worst part about Perry’s record. I’m going to fill it out:
I hate how arrogant and aloof he is while all his efforts have been so completely inept, just wasting taxpayer money while unemployment continues to rise.
…No wait; I was thinking of someone else.
* Marco Rubio said, “The free enterprise system has lifted more people out of poverty than all the government anti-poverty programs combined”, but isn’t that a bit like saying, “More lives have been saved by doctors than all the chimpanzees wielding scalpels combined.” If this is news to you that the brilliant people who create business and opportunity in this country have lifted up people more than idiot bureaucrats wasting other people’s money, you’re a moron.
* Scientists say 86% of the earth’s species are still unknown. I don’t know how you count stuff you don’t know about, but the scientists did. I wouldn’t worry much about it, though, because I’m pretty sure we know about all the interesting species already. The only things left are like, “Hey, look at this bug that is slightly different than this other bug. It’s a new bug.” and “Here’s a single cell organism marginally different than other single cell organism but still just as boring.” Oh, and don’t forget new species of plants; they’re not so much undiscovered as much as no one cared. Being dropped in the jungle and told to identify all the weeds has to be the sort of thing they only do to the science intern no one likes.
* IGN has a list of the top 25 funniest shows of all time. I felt kind of dumb when I got to their video for their number one choice and hadn’t figured it out by process of elimination. I really like Arrested Development, but I guess I never thought of it as a number one contender. The more obvious choice would be Seinfeld — the Beatles of sitcoms — or the Simpsons whose first ten seasons are one of the greatest things ever (and one the greatest influences on my own sense of humor). Arrested Development just felt like it never was on long enough to contend (though that certainly wasn’t it’s fault as funny as it was). Anyway, my favorite extant comedy right now is Community which will be entering it’s third season in the fall. What’s your favorite comedy?
* If you were concerned whether you’d be able to gay marry in the next Elder Scrolls game, don’t worry you can. I guess that makes sense, because if you’re playing a game about exploring a fantasy world and fighting dragons and are at all concerned about your marriage optiobs, you’re probably gay. I don’t remember getting any sort of married in the last two Elder Scrolls games, and I didn’t feel like anything was missing. I actually hate that sort of thing; I mean I’m fine with some love interest in the story in cinema scenes, but I hate how so many games now are expecting you to cultivate some relationship with some made up person in the middle of your fantasy or scifi game. That’s not what I play games for; it’s for the purity of killing bad things. But now they add relationships and then next was, “Just killing all the bad people is so thuggish; we’ll give you pacifist options and reward you for that.” And the the sissification of games continues. People will argue that gay marriage won’t ruin traditional marriage, but it’s at least going to ruin video games. Guess I’ll stick to Tetris in which there’s nothing there to PC-ify.
If we’ve identified all the species that we can eat or that can kill us, I’m ready to call it a day.
Favorite comedy right now? Either “Modern Family” or “Archer.” Modern Family has the edge because of two scuffable moms, but Archer is who I wanted to be as a kid…sorta.
danger zone
Favorite comedy, South Park! Episode, when Cartman put Butter’s penis in his mouth and took a picture to prove Butters was gay!
Rick Perry bothers me! His hair is too pretty. Real men don’t have pretty hair like that! He and Mitt Romney have like Silky Pony hair and there is something wrong with guys like that! Vanity strikes me as a front runner, but the guy Creeps me out for some reason. I don’t buy his Conservative bona fides!
I’m sticking with my girl, Michelle Bachmann because she is a true Conservative and she is a babe! She has really nice hair too, but she’s a chick and she’s suppose to!!!
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Really great show with Danny Devito on FX.
“So the big news: Steve Jobs has resigned.”
I think this news story is being reported incorrectly. I believe the headline should read, “Steve Jobs Has Redesigned.” In true Apple fashion, Steve Jobs will release a slightly different version of himself, for substantially more money than the previous version, that promises many new features but delivers only enough to keep Apple fanatics anxious for the next, even more expensive, version of Steve Jobs that supposedly will really do what the last one was supposed to.
I left a note on the Rick Perry mud-line:
As Governor, Rick Perry was responsible for most of the jobs created in this country being created in Texas during this horrible recession that Obama won’t seem to end, and Texas has had it’s bond rating upgraded, while Obama has had the Nation’s bond rating downgraded. You should see that he gets whats coming to him!
The filters will probably remove my comment, as it doesn’t seem to from an Obama supporter because:
1. NOT IN ALL CAPS!!!
2. Every sentence doesn’t end in an exclamation point!
3. Too many words spelled correctly.
4. Its not one long run-on sentence with no commas although that first one seems sort-of longish but I kind of did that on purpose because I want an Obama campaign staffer to suffocate while reading it because I know those mouth-breathers all read everything out-loud.
5. It doesn’t compare Perry to Bush, Hitler, Pol Pot, Scott Walker, or a monkey.
6. It makes sense.
Actually, its probably not even recorded, because clicking submit just takes you to a donation page. Elitist liberals don’t care what people think. They just want to take your money so they can spend it smarter on smarty things like cowboy poetry and windmills and hybrids and arugala. Fascists!
Futurama only at 19? List is invalidated. And Simpsons at number 2 is a travesty. Old glory doesn’t make up for the fact that it hasn’t been good since I was a kid. Oh, and no Venture Bros.
My pretty, young (you might say “barely legal,” though legal in Tamriel is probably 12) female Breton spellsword in Oblivion is looking for a wife. Preferably just as young and pretty as her…Looks like Skyrim might deliver.
(Yes, you can get pretty in Oblivion, if you have the right mods and are very good with the sliders in the character creation. Too bad you can’t do much about the NPC’s. Skyrim looks really good, though, counter to the usual Elder Scrolls situation.)
No “Beverly Hillbillies” of “Married with Children”? Lame.
In it’s synopsis of “The Daily Show on that top-25 list, they state, “The series is highly educational and informative without being partisan.” Umm…seriously?
I posted the following:
He sure goes on vacation a lot. Also he seems to be afraid of speaking without a teleprompter
Maybe they will go after Perry for those complaints. heheh
big fan of Workaholics and Childrens Hospital – funny but wrong, but mostly funny, but really wrong, but still funny
I just can’t get behind Al Gore’s campaign manager. Somebody else can get behind him. What that person does there (while behind him), I’ll leave up to ussjimmycarter. I just don’t wanna go there.
BTW, saying that Reagan was a former Democrat just like Perry, doesn’t cut it. Reagan wasn’t Kennedy’s or Johnson’s campaign manager to boot.
AL GORE’S CAMPAIGN MANAGER
Think about that for a while before you get all excited about Rick Perry.
How is that even possible from a so called ‘conservative Republican?’ I don’t think it is. The guy’s a giant red flag in my book.
Bring on the bromides.
Best comedy ever: Deadwood
Speaking of nothing relevant, I got all excited the other day because I saw a truck with a clever saying on the back and “Burmashave” written underneath. I thought maybe Burmashave lives near me. Then I researched (aka Googled) Burmashave and saw that it was a shaving company product. Is this common knowledge, or is this a ‘before my time’ thing?
Awesome that Arrested Development was first on the list. I love that show, as does everyone I know who has seen it. I’ve seen every episode multiple times, but I still crack up when I see it on tv even now. It has sooooo many jokes.
I can’t wait to see the movie (if it ever comes out).
Already mentioned that I agree with. Archer & Always Sunny.
PArks & Recreation is phenominal. Not only is Ron Swanson the most awsome character on TV, but I can personally attest to the fact that this show accurately portrays working for a small city government.
another comedy I loved and cant wait for the second season – Walking Dead – frickin kills
Good gosh, Carolyn, Burma-Shave was before all of our times (1920’s to early 1950’s), although I think you can still find Burma-Shave in the aerosol shaving cream form. Tom Waits has a very good blues song called Burma Shave in which he relates aimlessly leaving town to “being on my way to Burma Shave,” because it would be beyond the town that one would see the Burma-Shave signs.
Well I learned something new today (well technically, the other day)!
I like the British comedy “One Foot in the Grave”. In addition to being hilarious, it is educational: it shows how awful it can be living in a country with Government-Run Health Care and European-Style Socialism.
Almost can’t keep from posting fat prego. jokes…ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Must restrain self….ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Tetris will soon require union demolition teams. So, blocks will fall, but occasionally, there will be five minutes stretched where you can’t move them because they’re out on cofffee break.
Also, blowing up rainbow blocks is clearly a dog whistle telling you to punch gay people, so all blocks will be grey in the future.
The Top 25 Ways you can tell this Top 25 list was made by a hipster douche born after 1980
22. No CBS Evening News
21. Including the Daily Show with Jon Stewart and not Craig Kilborn (back when the Daily Show was actually funny, funny jokes get laughs not applause)
20. No Mork and Mindy
19. No In Living Color
18. No Mash (early seasons)
17. Taxi at #22
16. No Sanford and Son
15. No Drew Carey
14. No mention whatsoever of Uncle Miltie (the man who invented TV comedy).
13. No Malcolm in the Middle
12. No Odd Couple
11. No Newsradio
10. No Night Court
9. No Carol Burnette Show
8. No Roseanne (yeah, she’s an idiot, but her show was darn funny)
7. No Bob Newhart Show
6. No Newhart
5. No Get Smart
4. No Hogan’s Heroes
3. No F Troop
2. No Soap
1c. Arrested Development at number 1
1b No WKRP in Cincinnati
1a No Barney Miller
Why did you include a link to 25 best when we can’t even vote.
I am not too old for Burma Shave. I always enjoyed those signs.
I like the George Burns and Gracie Allen Show on Antena TV. Second would be Cosby. He was sort of a cool Obama.
OMG, Veeshir, some of the best lines.
20 Non-new, non-new
16 I’m coming lizabeth
9 The ear pull
5 So many: Not Da Craw, Da Craw; The Cone of Silence; Would you beleive
4 I don’t see nuthing, I don’t hear nuthing, I don’t know nuthing
Then there was the politicaly incorrect Amos and Andy; Hear come da judge!
Imagine a series of billboards spaced on a road.
– Don’t lose
– Your head
– To gain a minute
– You need your head
– Your brains are in it.
– Burma Shave
Common knowledge AND before your time. Some things are so awesome, they detach from time and whisper into the future. Like Seinfeld reruns.
I’d like to see a show that just shows the best episodes of other shows. Why do reruns always have to show entire seasons? Every show has bad episodes. Some episodes can even be trimmed down to the teaser and be far better off for it. Some movies, too, for that matter. This is a billion dollar idea, I’m tellin’ yous.
Ivan, you forgot one of the funniest lines.
From number 22: “I’m Katie Couric”
@CarolynthePregnant:
As Fly points out, the Burma Shave ads were a series of roadsigns each with one stanza of a poem with the last sign saying “Burma Shave”
I once went with my wife (who is a writer) to a literary conference. Some self-important twit got up and gave an impassioned rendition of her idiotic BS of a poem. It was beyond trite and struck every liberal meme there was. When she finished and hung her head, I couldn’t resist and said in a normal but clear voice…”Burma Shave”
The funniest Skit evah: Tim Conway’s Elephant Story
Dedurkurjerbz!
Just got a Cracker Barrel set up in my town a couple months ago. Need to get Dad one of those jars of ’60’s candy.
In Politically Correct Tetris there are no misfits.
FormerHostage, thanks. I had forgotten about that one.
That show was high-larious for most of my childhood and before, I had forgotten how funny it really was or that would have been 1.b with the rest moved down the list.
It must have been at least 80% ad-libbed as they all seemed to spend most of the time trying to get each other to laugh too hard to continue.
Headline: Obama is killing Jobs!
Correction: Actually, cancer is killing Jobs. Sorry.
Headline. Apple releases iJobs.
Veeshir is pretty much spot on, and to add to Ivan’s unforgettable bits, many of us still say, “Missed it [me] by that much.”
Ivan, I stand corrected on the depth of experience of IMAO commenters.
“I don’t know how you count stuff you don’t know about, but the scientists did.”
Freakin’ brilliant. And funny. Unlike most of the shows listed in the TOP 25. Who the hell voted for those shows, anyway?
The funniest thing on TV within the past I dunno HOW many years? Archer. Certainly the funniest show of the 21st Century, anyway. And it’s only two seasons long, so far.
Mayor Bloomberg just gave a speech on Emergency Preparation for Hurricane Irene first in English and then suddunly mumbled he would now do it in Spanish and gave this long, monotone, nasal way of speaking in a horrifying sort of Spanish sounding noises and I don’t speak spanish but it was HILARIOUS ! :0 So he is my favorite comedy.
FUTURAMA MOVES TO NUMBER ONE!!!!
On tonight’s new episode of futurama, a young Philip J. Fry in the 20th century is with his parents in the pizzaria, when his father says that with Phil’s intelligence, he’d be lucky to get a job delivering pizzas. Then, focus shifts to the background where Mr. Panucci hollers,”C’mon, Barrack! Pizza goin out!” A black teenager comes forth to take the pizza out, muttering about going back to law school. Fry then consoles himself,”At least I’m not like that Loser!”
At which point, I fell off the couch laughing!
Rick Perry got a D in Principles of Economics at Texas A&M.
He took Algebra in college and got a C, and Trigonometry and got a D. Isn’t that usually taken in high school? His US History grades stunk too.
Take a look. He’s not all that bright.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/61684192/Rick-Perry-s-Texas-A-M-Transcript
So we really want a guy in charge with this economy who got a D in Economics?!?!?
And a Cheerleader?
Gaaak!
@helpful researcher, No, it’s better to have a guy in office who’s grades are so bad he won’t even release them, who got to the age of 47 without ever getting a real job.
@helpful researcher,
Some of the dumbest people I ever met were ‘A’ students, and there are plenty of smart people who don’t do well acdemically, for various reasons: not being completely grown up, having other things going on in their lives, or being bored out of their minds. What kind of halfwit thinks that grades equate to intelligence? Have you even been to college? If you have, I suspect you were a lot like those dumb ‘A’ students I mentioned, except, perhaps without actually getting an A. Perry is 61 years old; he was in college forty years ago, you don’t think he’s grown since then?
But even if you’re right, and Rick Perry is dumb, does it matter if you’re dumb if you get results? Texas did more than fine with him as governor. He’s not perfect, the whole forced immunization thing makes me sick, and his support for ‘fair trade’ is absurd, but he’s better than the SCOAMF that is Obama.
And so what if he was secure enough in his masculinity to be a cheerleader.
I personally got plenty of C’s, D’s and F’s in college. I was a Trumpet performance major. But I had to take idiot courses like 2 years of Latin (that’s been helpful to my life), Economics taught by a communist, etc.
But, I was NEVER…EVER a cheer leader!!! There were plenty of comments about the male cheerleaders directed from us in the stands. Puffers, I think we called them…
Again, Perry creeps me out… Bachmann is my candidate! A man should not have prettier hair than a woman! And Perry sounds like Bush and I won’t be able to take 4 more years of THAT!!!
I got “A”s in religion class all through school. I guess that means I’m qualified to be a pope.
No? Oh, you mean there’s training involved?
Well, then let’s keep focus on Perry’s training for president. There’s enough to chew on and debate over, trust me. We’ve all met enough dummies who graduated from “prestigious” universities. Anyone who has had to endure college has also seen there’s less to be learned inside the halls than in the world.
Former Democrat, Al Gore’s Texas campaign manager, cheerleader, lousy student… and… crappy politics.
You can have him.
Grade inflation. Google it. Same with how stupid jet pilots are.
Crap, now I have to revise my top 25 comedies with helpful researcher.
Uhhh, put it at 25 and knock Katie Couric off.
I mean, who doesn’t laugh at muckadoos?
Bring me all the bacon and eggs that you have. Wait a minute, wait. I’m concerned that you just heard, “Bring me a lot of bacon and eggs.” What I said was, “Bring me all of the bacon and eggs that you have.”
Need I say more?