A new report says STDs are running rampant in areas controlled by ISIS, so you might want to consider other spring break destinations.

— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) September 17, 2014

I'm the Johnny Appleseed of putting little tiny beer bottles in dead squirrels' paws.

— buck turdgeson (@Rason_Meese) September 17, 2014

Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before xanex, how did we end up in Des Moines?

— Rob Fee (@robfee) September 17, 2014

I'm guessing an independent Scotland will be sort of a drunker version of North Korea. #KimJongMcGill

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) September 17, 2014