Heck, this could’ve been one of Walrus’s polls, but an emu chased me out of the Polling Data Techno-Suite down to the atrium, so I’ll just post it this way. And it almost bit me in the atrium.

One of these two quotes are in the running for Biden’s putative inauguration speech. Which one would he go with on the steps of the Capitol?

The details of my life are quite inconsequential… very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds — pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum… it’s breathtaking — I highly suggest you try it.

Or:

I wash born here, an I wash raished here, and dad gum it, I’m a-gonna die here, an’ no sidewindin’ bushwackin’, hornswagglin’ cracker-croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter!

(Penguins on the right side are cute.) Ignore them, Denier!

I have always maintained (to anyone who listened) that there are people who liked The Three Stooges and people who liked The Marx Brothers — but very little overlap between the two groups. Am I wrong? Are there many who liked both?

They appeal to such different tastes. You can’t poke someone in the eyes and still make a witty comment.

On the other hand, one does watch both Gilligan’s Island and Shakespeare . . .

But what I mean is, there is the Benny Hill fan and the Monty Python fan. Can one person be truly both?

Motion pictures by radio coming soon. Motion pictures by radio is very near, predicts C. Francis Jenkins, who has designed this small radio-vision receiving set for use in the homes. It is only a few inches square and is attached to the regular radio receiving set. A miniature motion picture screen is placed on the wall of your home, as shown in this photo. The first of this machine to be made. The photo was taken in Mr. Jenkin’s laboratory at Washington, D.C. (1925)