Brian the Adequate

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Brian the Adequate.

What’s the story behind your name? Brian is my first name. I started commenting at IMAO and Wizbang as simply Brian, but then a stupid liberal troll started commenting at Wizbang, besmirching the good names of Brians everywhere with its poo flinging idiotcy, and I added the The Adequate to distinguish myself from it. I figured no libtard would go for self- depreciative humor and I can also hope one day to deserve a promotion to Brian The Somewhat Nifty.
[Win some High Praise and you’ll get the promotion. -Ed.]
Where do you live? Lafayette, Indiana
How old are you? As of 2:00 PM, October 1, 2007 I am 36 years, 360 days and approximately 10 hours.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I am a conservative Christian, married for 13 years, proud father of 2 beautiful daughters ages 11 and almost 9. I have a BS in chemistry from Rose-Hulman and an MS in physical-organic chemistry from Colorado State and work for a large Pharmaceutical company supporting manufacturing. I don’t have any guns currently, but recommendations with respect to the best brand of shotgun would be appreciated as I will need to acquire one in the next few years (see age of daughters above). Other than the time at CSU, I have never lived outside of Indiana (Granger, Terre Haute and now Lafayette)
How long have you been reading IMAO? About 4 years.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Of all time I don’t think anything can beat the original Nuke The Moon post though the fun facts about the fifty states comes close. Currently Franks editorials and the LOLTERRITZ.
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Proverbs Twentysix three
What’s you favorite political issue? Not my favorite, but the only issue that is a deal maker/breaker for me is Judicial appointments. With the messed up system we have now, bad judges are a pox for years to come. More selfishly I am interested in ensuring that Big Oil remains (or someone else becomes) the whipping boy de jure for the socialist instead of the pharma industry.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. No, I am far to lazy.
[Me too! -Ed.]
What would you find more useful: A wheelbarrow full of rocks or a bucket of mud? Depends on the situation, if there is only one monkey faced liberal around, definitely the bucket of mud. Much more portable when running down ones target. If one is unfortunately confronted by a horde of code pinkers or moveon.morons then you need the greater number of shots allowed by the wheelbarrow of rocks.

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

No-L

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s No-L.

What’s the story behind your name? A friend in high school said that I should write my name No-L instead of Noelle. And for some reason it stuck.
Where do you live?I live in the “People’s Republic” of Portland Oregon, where it’s not normal if there are no protests in Pioneer Square blaming Bush for something or other.
How old are you? 26.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I have a bachelor of science degree in theatre arts from Portland State University, I’m getting married on November 4th, I love animals, I love Baja Fresh, I love Brit Pop, I am counting down the minutes until they release Fable 2, and someday, I hope to write a book about Tom Stoppard.
How long have you been reading IMAO? Since 2003 I think. I think I Googled “conservative blogs” and found it. I had checked it out everyday since. It makes my workday so much more pleasant.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? It’s hard to pick a favorite, but the ones that really tickle me are the ones that piss off Monkey Faced Liberal or someone like Laff Riot. They’re just so entertaining when they’re seething with rage!
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Whimsically, delectably, satisfying.
What’s you favorite political issue? Hmmm, hard one. Probably illegal immigration, or rather, that big hullaballoo over those omnibenevolent undocumented workers.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I don’t. But if I did it would look something like the Friday Cat-blogging only with cockatiels.
How would you introduce the president of Iran if he were giving a speech at your college? I would say:

“Can you believe that we have such a government full of pansies that would let this douche-bag come here and speak as if he had any interest in anything other than jihad? For God’s sake people! This guy probably held Americans hostage when he was a “politically active student” in the late seventies! C’mon! Iran is the number one sponsor of terrorism! Can we skip the speech, taser the bastard and ship him to Gitmo?”

But at the college I attended, it would probably sound more like this:

“Today we introduce a true hero and role model, the democratic frontrunner for the 2008 election, a great intellectual mind, a man who rules with a just hand, a man that can talk truth to Chimpy McHalliburton, a tireless advocate for women, a just crusader against the eeeevil Joooooooooooos, I mean Zionist conspiracy,that warm ball of fluff, the most reverend, sexy as all hell, John Edwards’ first kiss, the democratically elected (if only we could say as much) president Iran (that bastion of freedom), Jedi master Mahmoud……………”

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

K T Cat

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s K T Cat.

What’s the story behind your name? K T is a pleasant, little tuxedo cat who has lived with me for years. I’m not one of those catbloggers who thinks cats can talk, but I can tell you that we are very close friends. When I started blogging, I decided I wanted an anonymous name and so I used hers. Now I use it for everything on line. She doesn’t seem to mind.
Where do you live? Sunny San Diego!
How old are you? My first vote was for President Reagan in 1980. It was glorious.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I’m a single dad who likes to work on cars, coach sports, suffer along with New Orleans Saints football and blog.
How long have you been reading IMAO? For years! I was bored one day and started checking out the blogroll on Scrappleface. I came across yours, something like four or five years ago, and got hooked. Thanks for the laughs, all of you.
[You’re welcome! -Ed.]
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Anything with the Rumsfeld Strangler. I got to brief Donald Rumsfeld once and he was a sharp and funny guy. There were reporters present and only a few of them ended up strangled. I got to give interviews to the remaining ones after he left.
[You’re the coolest person ever! -Ed.]
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Buy Papal Indulgences. Really, Frank, we’re all going to need them. After what you’ve written? Better see if we can get a bulk rate. (Hint: violence, for the most part, is a sin. Funny, but still a sin.)
What’s you favorite political issue? It’s not a political issue but a social one. As a single parent, I am trying to raise two children with about 60% of the money and 40% of the time as a married couple. I can’t do it as well as they can. Try doing anything with that much less time and money and see what you get. Roughly speaking, single parent households have $40,000 and 2000 labor hours less than two parent households, annually. The Democrats want to replace this with a $1000 raise for my kids’ teachers and the Republicans want to give me a $500 tax credit. I’m out $40,000 and 2000 labor hours and you think your proposals are going to make a difference?
What we need from our politicians is for them to say, “We’re not going to waste everyone else’s tax dollars on something we can’t do anything about. You’ve screwed yourselves and you need to take care of it on your own.” One of the reasons I like Fred so much is that he seems to get it. Every social pathology in the country correlates more strongly with single parent households than anything else and it’s not even close. It’s not a debatable statement, it’s a mathematical fact. If you want a smaller prison population, less crime, less poverty, more literacy and all the rest, the solution is your family, not politics.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I blog at The Scratching Post. I started blogging because I had time in strange increments and at odd hours and I couldn’t think of any other way to make a little cash. It’s been a total wash financially, but it’s been a lot of fun. The ‘Post is now my motivation for learning and discovering.
If you could grow to fifty times your normal size, what would you do with that power? That sounds horrid. I’d get a gastric bypass and quick. I’d probably be washing myself with a sponge on the end of a stick, too. What was that? It’s a super power? What kind of a super power is that? I’d see if I could trade it with Aquaman. Talking to fish would be more useful than crushing my house every time I wanted to check the mailbox. Could you imagine what that would do to your insurance premiums?

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

Rubeus

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Rubeus.

What’s the story behind your name? There was a story behind it a long time ago–WELL before Harry Potter–but I forgot it. I like it though–it’s unique. I do know it means “red” in some language.
Where do you live? Woodstock, a little town right near everyones favorite hippie-city, Chicago. What? A conservative in Chicago you say? Theres more than you think! There’s 2 of us!
How old are you? 22. It’s a good age. It’s like 21, but without everyone pestering you about going to a bar just-because-you-can.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I am one of the coolest people ever. When people first meet me, they are like “That guy is nuts!!” Then they think I am awesome after a while. I enjoy doing pretty much everything: sports, hunting, video games, harassing war protesters, airsoft, harassing war protesters with airsoft…. etc.
How long have you been reading IMAO? A while now. I came across a link, read some posts, and thought “That guy is nuts!!” Then I thought IMAO was awesome. Go liberal-monkey-face punching!
What’s your favorite IMAO post? I like them all, but the ‘facts’ are great one-liners. The taser posts had me laughing pretty hard, too.
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Ridiculous, genius, and funny-because-there’s-truth-in-it. (I’m sure there’s one word for that, but I don’t know it.)
What’s you favorite political issue? Terrorism and illegal immigration, if you mean “favorite to make jokes of”
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I went through a couple, but I keep finding other things to do instead. They aren’t worth anyones time anymore.
Given paper clips, eight feet of string, and toothpicks, how would you solve the problem of Iran proliferating nuclear weapons? Use the paper clips to erect a tank, the toothpicks to make a post with an arm, and the 8ft of string should be long enough to hang Ahmadinejad from the arm so you can use him as target practice with said tank while he hangs there. They’d get the idea.

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

charski

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s charski.

What’s the story behind your name? It’s a mixture of my given name and my favorite legal escape of all time. No friends on a powder day, right?
Where do you live? Longmont, Colorado. We’re about to get our second Wal-Mart/Sams Club, so you know we’re on someone’s map.
How old are you? I feel like 25 thanks to staying in shape, but was born in ’64. That hurts just to write, but I’ve been told that a man isn’t worth a damn till he’s 50, so there’s hope for me yet.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I’m a cube monkey (don’t hurt me), I swing both ways (road AND mountain biker) and in my past I have been involved in some not well intentioned shooting contests. I’ve never shot at a monkey, but only because of location. My most painful memory is having to sell an unused Remington 7mm mag that my adopted dad willed me to pay rent. Arrgghh…
How long have you been reading IMAO? Unfortunately, only about 6 months, but I tell my friends about it.
[First rule of IMAO Club: Tell everyone about IMAO Club. Second rule of IMAO Club: Tell everyone about IMAO Club. Third rule of IMAO Club: If someone says stop, goes limp, taps out, the humor post is over.]
What’s your favorite IMAO post? It has to be your response to that peacenik about why we are really in Iraq, where you didn’t pull any punches. It was about 2 months ago, if that’s not clear enough to link to, the daily Edwards facts consistently make me spit milk through my nose.
[Those are both by Harvey. Why do I even bother to show up to work each day? -Ed.]
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Second favorite escape.
What’s you favorite political issue? Illegal immigration. It gets very played down in Denver papers even though a couple Illegals have killed and tried to kill some of Denver’s finest officers in the past couple of years. That and school vouchers since I have kids now. (But letting people who try to kill cops out on low bail? Please…)
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I am shocked to say that I do. It’s hosted at http://finerworks.com/gallery.asp?U_ID=charski&offset=0 It’s a collection of some photographs I have taken over the years, none of which show deceased monkeys, and have nothing to do with politics.
Aquaman can talk to both fish and aquatic mammals. Do you think he can talk to penguins? That’s a tough one. I would imagine that Aquaman is an enemy of penguins because Opus (from the comic Bloom County) is a penguin, and somewhat of a left leaning peacenik. Aquaman would certainly take vengeance on Opus’s mother for raising such a softy, and in doing so would almost have to break the penguin code of communication. So, yes, Aquaman can talk to penguins, but chooses not to.

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

Powered by Guinness

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Powered by Guinness.

What’s the story behind your name? We all get our power from something, Popeye has spinach, Superman has kryptonite, yuppies have Starbucks, I have the magical elixir from St. James Gate in Dublin, Ireland.

Where do you live? Issaquah, Washington
How old are you? I’m at an age that puts me between “old enough to know better” and “young enough not to care”.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I recently moved to the liberal side of Washington after spending almost 10 years in the gun-toting redneck east side of the state. I’ve live in many locations, Utah, England, Washington (twice), California, Alaska. My dad was in the Air Force (Pararescue, the toughest job in the world). I enjoy riding my bicycles (both road and mountain), shooting my long guns (I still love 30-06), double tapping my GLOCK 17 with hi-cap magazines, and generally avoiding large crowds.
How long have you been reading IMAO? A couple of years.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Daily fabulous facts.
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Unfair. Unbalance. Unmedicated. Oh wait, those are yours, so I guess mine would be… Unhinged political humor.
What’s you favorite political issue? Gun rights, because I love my guns and the anti-gun crowd is fun (and easy) to torment.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. No, but I used-ta-could have one.
How should close elections be settled: Recounts, kung fu fight, or pistols at dawn? Pistols at dawn sounds good, but we need some something a bit more scientific and secrative. Sniper rifles at 500 yards minimum, no set time only a 1 week window to “win” your election. And think about it, this would also eliminate excess politicians.

If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

khart208

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s khart208.

What’s the story behind your name? Once upon a time, when there were bad Germans (the communist kind) and bad Russians (the Evil Empire kind) it was left to young, upright, highly trained and super- top secret cleared individuals, such as myself, to keep an eye on their twisted communist minds as they raced to complete the hush-a-bomb. After a while, they became nicer and our friends and I had to go do something else that involved blowing up huge tracts of desert with Iraqi tanks in it. So, it’s a combination of my name and a job code I once held.
Where do you live? Pretty much as deepinthehearta as you can get, just south of the People’s Republic of Austin, TX. ‘Course, we just string up any hippies and communists we find in these here parts.
How old are you? Hmm… when I played with G.I. Joes, they weren’t any part of some international global crime fighting team. Mine were American fighting men, killin’ for’ners, ooh-rah! The Twilight Zone premiered the day I was born. That might have been an omen. Or maybe not.
Tell us briefly about yourself. Born in Oregon, raised in Colorado, ended up in Texas. I’ve seen a greater part of the world, courtesy of the US Air Force. Even the sandy, blown up bits were cool, but I really liked Germany (the good Germany, not the bad one). For a brief time after I got out, I was a network engineer for a couple of CLECs, and then I turned into a teacher.
How long have you been reading IMAO? Not as long as I should have, mea culpa. Probably about a year now, though it’s taken that long to get up enough gumption to post anything.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Wow… there are so many! I’d have to say any of the “In My World” posts, followed closely by Ronin Profiles.
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Take no prisoners. I find those are pretty good words for anyone to live by, but it’s the attitude I feel most when I read a particularly stinging IMAO post.
What’s you favorite political issue? Illegal immigration. I’m not quite willing to see this country surrender to a permanent peasant class sprinkled with crazy Muslim imams and terrorists. If I wanted to live someplace like that, I’d move to France.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. The only website I have is the one I have to clean up every time Spiderman holds one of his wild parties out in the back yard. Talk about a sticky, fly-specked mess…
Birds: What do you think they’re up to and why do they think they’re too good for the ground? Birds, man, don’t get me started. Flapping their wings, staring at you with those oh-so-superior “we don’t need engines and properly machined lifting bodies to fly” beads they call eyes. If they’re so great, why don’t they carry AIM-9’s and 20mm cannon? I’d like to see some swallow outrun a heat seeker. Go ahead, land on the ground… you’re on my turf, now, Tweetie. Honey! Let the cat out! Sorry… got a little worked up their. My therapist tells me birds are our friends, but he looks kind of like a vulture to me, when the light’s right.

If you commented in the latest post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

Strnj1

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Strnj1.

What’s the story behind your name? Old blue collar worker with a degree whose been investing since his late twenties. Hence, a lot of the “Do you know who I am ?” White Collar crowd have a very hard time trying to comprehend my “Doesn’t impress me.” attitude.
Where do you live? Richmond, VA ( Ya know, still fightin’ the Civil War till we realized we were, now, being invaded from the south.)
How old are you? Throwin’ away AARP mailers…
Tell us briefly about yourself. Ol’ Computer geek… I’ve been building my own since Bill Gates was an IBM contractor.
How long have you been reading IMAO? Seems like a several years… Time flies when you’re having fun.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? The Chronicles of W when they were around… (Bought the book.) Now, it’s “lolterizt!”
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Either the obvious, “Nuke the Moon” or the more subtle but to the point, “Punch Monkey Faces.”
What’s you favorite political issue? My “favorite” is the Flat Tax. The one that irritates me the most is the blatant illegal population and those that exploit them.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Nope, somewhat of a recluse unless drawn out.
Given a choice between Order and Chaos, what would be the name of your rock band? That’s easy. Chaos. You should see my house.

If you commented in the latest post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

AR

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s AR.

What’s the story behind your name? Well on my favorite website, Newsbusters.org , I go by AtheistRepublican, and they started calling me AR, I thought it sounded cool so I’ve been using it since then.
Where do you live? I live just outside of Stillwater, Oklahoma
How old are you? 18
Tell us briefly about yourself. I’m a college student majoring in Computer Science, and a renowned hippy hunter, who has disguised himself as one of the enemy, I have long hair and an unruly beard, but I bathe regularly, which kind of ruins the whole disguise. I’m also an amateur musician and DJ, my DJ name and Stage name are the same, DJBeatless. I love taking jokes past the point of funny to the point where people wonder if I’m being serious, also I love dancing, dance dance, I love dancing… One last thing, Hazel, you are my true love, for eternity and beyond!
How long have you been reading IMAO? Hard to say, first time I read it was a couple years ago, though I only started reading it regularly 4 months ago or so.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Frank the Artist, your some kind of Picasso man!
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? An internet site.
What’s you favorite political issue? Socialism, its funny how the liberals believe that a system that has never worked in the last 100 years will magically start working if we just believe hard enough, or whatever the fairy dust they are offering is. Also, anything that lets my crazy libertarianism loose, I love it when people look at me like I’m crazy, yes I do think that we should legalize heroin, and no it isn’t entirely because I like watching druggies get high, though that is awfully fun.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Yes, I do have a website. http://jimmyscript.bravehost.com/website.html , its a temporary site I set up just a day or two ago because I’ve been having trouble getting my music to my friends. Eventually I’ll set it up to be all fancy and stuff and put more music up, but right now its fairly minimalist, and be warned my music is fairly second rate.
Also I have a facebook, http://okstate.facebook.com/profile.php?id=692651743 , feel free to send me a friend invite, but make sure you send me a message saying your from IMAO or I’ll reject it, I get alot of random friend invites so I just auto-reject if I don’t get a message or I don’t recognize your name.
When do you think it’s appropriate for police to use a taser? When isn’t it? Zzzzt!

If you commented in the latest post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

Hazel

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Hazel.

What’s the story behind your name? Taken from The Moon is a Harsh Mistress (and, I guess, other Heinlein books, but I haven’t read those yet). I had trouble deciding between her and Ludmilla. Admittedly, I’m probably more like Milla, but Hazel’s just cooler. Plus, I like having a “z” in my name.
[That’s a great novel; I stole it from my brother. -Ed.]
Where do you live? I’ve been noticing shurikens flying by my head lately, so I’d rather not give an exact location, but I will say it’s in central NC, where any boyfriend I find gets, “If anything happens to my daughter, I have a .45, a shovel, and a large back yard. No one will miss you,” from my father. Funny how they think he’s kidding.
How old are you? Old enough to be able to vote for Fred Thompson next year, but young enough that I’m still celebrating being able to watch R-rated movies.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I went to public school until the middle of my sophomore year when I got sick of the lack of learning and decided to home school. I intend to graduate in December and hope to go to NCSU in the spring to probably major in chemistry. I like shooting, writing, action movies (despise chick flicks), working on my car (’82 240D), and other fun stuff. I’m also currently a 3rd gup in Tang Soo Do, which is sort of like Tae Kwan Do, but 1,000 times better.
How long have you been reading IMAO? Probably only since this past spring. The first post I remember reading was the State of the Frank Report where it was decided that you had to kill Aquaman. When I finished, I said, “This man is a genius!” and added the site to my favorites.

What’s your favorite IMAO post? I would probably say one of the IMW’s like everyone else, but I’m waiting until I get the book to start going through all of them (asking for it for Christmas since I don’t really have any money). As things stand, I don’t really know; none are really jumping out in my mind at the moment, except perhaps the Ode to Violence, but that’s probably just because I just read that today. I’ve really been enjoying the Ronin Profiles though; it’s nice to learn about other people who read the site.
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? “Nuke the moon,” obviously.
What’s you favorite political issue? It’s a pretty close race between guns and schools. Guns because they are a blast to shoot (pun intended) and are great for self-defense if you can carry, but people are trying to take them away from the good citizens (Myself included, and I can’t even own one yet!). Schools, because learning is also really fun, but the public school system just ruins it for everyone simply by being a government-run system.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Bad day to ask that. Just this morning, I started this: http://insertrandomaddresshere.blog.com/, but I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do with it yet. I may incorporate a little myspace page that I made a little while ago (one of my many sad, sad, sad attempts at humor) into it and delete the myspace. Here’s the current myspace, if you’re curious: http://www.myspace.com/theonepartyhq
What’s your favorite country that isn’t America? Ameri- Oh, that isn’t America? In that case, I’ll have to say Japan. Without them, we would all be without ninja, Ronin, sushi, kimono, katana, anime, and many other great things of that sort.

If you commented in the latest post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

Francesco Poli

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Francesco Poli.

What’s the story behind your name? My mother took one look at my face when I was born, and said “Oh, he looks like a Francesco!” This sounds less weird when you remember that this happened in Italy. Interestingly enough, Francesco is a variation of Franco, which is italian for Frank. Unfortunately, both seem to be related to France.
[That’s a lie and you know it! -Ed.]
Where do you live? A little town called Santa Maria Maddalena (St. Mary Magdalene), all the way across the world in Italy. It’s very near the museum-city of Ferrara, which is probably the town that has the closest contest between number of monuments and number of communists in the whole world. It’s got a castle with an actual moat, and an administration that’s deviating traffic from the once-rich city center to the outskirt mall, which is owned and run by the maf- errr, the cooperatives (which are the capitalistic branch of the communist party).
You can’t beat that.
I’m also about a two hours’ drive from Venice.
How old are you? I’m a roly-poly 27, which is just a fancy way of saying I’m fat and getting older, which is a fancy way of saying I’m becoming an even more flawless stereotype of an American conservative.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I’m one of the incredibly rare self-described US-style conservatives that isn’t actually a creepy libertarian or the usual leftie claiming to follow America’s example. (For crying out loud, our politicians can’t even get laid like Clinton, let alone drop taxes like Reagan.) I’m currently studying for my first University diploma, to be possibly followed by a second in the US, and after that a smoking-hot career in videogame design. Watch out for my stuff… it’s coming and you’re going to like it or else!
I’m of course a gun owner (S&W mod 686, CZ 452, Colt Government Model), and I shoot regularly so don’t piss me off just because I’m in Europe. Also in the plans: fixing that last little issue.
How long have you been reading IMAO? About three years I think.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Filthy lies. Puppy Blender™ is a narrative the level of which no liberal organization can ever aspire to invent. Plus I can’t stand dogs (CAT CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER!!), so that probably helped.
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Nuke The Moon. Originally I’d have gone with “fun, outrageous, surprisingly useful”, but that’s four words and Nuke the Moon conveys all that and more anyway.
What’s you favorite political issue? Politics in videogaming. It’s becoming as radicalized and leftwing as in Hollywood, and nobody on the right is doing anything. Just look at the bushitler troofer conspiracy theories in the soon-to-be-released BlackSite: Area 51 game.
http://www.gamespot.com/xbox360/action/blacksite/news.html?sid=6168483
Read that and tell me that the designer doesn’t sound like a Kos Kid!
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I used to have a blog, centered mostly on videogaming and politics, but got tired of it. I still managed to piss off at least one of the ignorant wannabe analyst that plague the gaming industry with their rants ungrounded in reality and facts, and that was accomplishment enough for the time being.
What’s the biggest advantage of not being an American? Besides being able to punch anyone I meet and justify it as a valid “monkey-faced liberal punch”, and being able to get anyone I want to piss their pants simply by mentioning firearms, it’s got to be being able to look across the ocean and seeing an example for the rest of the world. With a little guts and the right ideas things can get dramatically better and fast; such a shame that Europe doesn’t have a shred of either.

If you commented in the latest post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

I needed to take a break for a day on Ronin Profiles, but I plan to keep it up as long as there are people to profile. If you wanted to be in Ronin Profiles but haven’t been featured yet, just comment to this post. Make sure to fill out the e-mail field (only I get to see that) so I know where to send the questions to.

Suihei Deloi

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Suihei Deloi.

What’s the story behind your name? It roughly translates to ‘dirt sailor’. Half of it’s Japanese, the other half’s from a series of novels I used to read. As for why, that would take a few pages. We’ll just say I’ve been to some strange places.
Where do you live? San Diego, CA. No house right now though. My crackerjack box apartment literally was the beginning of a little sinkhole a few months ago. Any good housing lawyers out there?
How old are you? When I started high school, Microsoft Office wasn’t around. Nor was the Internet. I learned programming in Basic on a Commodore 64. I still get carded though, so I guess I’m aging well.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I worked in the service for nearly a decade. Now I work in communications engineering while getting my degree. I’m also studying acting. Not sure what I want to do next – either do acting or go back in the service.
What cabinet position would best suit an extremely angry dog? The Secretary of Transportation. Especially if said dog were trained to chew anyone who pushed for more carpool lanes instead of normal ones.
How long have you been reading IMAO? A few years now.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? In order – anything making fun of Hillary, Meet Tulio & Nuke the Moon.
What’s you favorite political issue? Immigration. I’m for deporting the radio host Piolin first as an honorary illegal – he’s earned it.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Not at this point – need more hours in my day first.
If you had to pick another color for the sky than blue, what would it be? Bright red-orange, like on Thundar the Barbarian reruns (gold star for whoever remembers what year that cartoon came out).

If you commented in the original post that you want to be included, you’re still in the running. Eventually I’ll have another post asking for who wants to participate, so keep reading. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Humble Servant

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Humble Servant.

What’s the story behind your name? I humbly serve humanity by explaining the truth behind liberalism. Also, as I abuse liberals on other websites, I always sign my posts “As Always, Your Humble Servant,” and this drives the hippies nuts.
Where do you live? Parts unknown.
How old are you? 43
Tell us briefly about yourself. I enjoy candle lit dinners, and walks on the beach…oh, sorry, wrong website. I am part of the vast right-wing conspiracy. My BFF, Jose Cuervo, is my main inspiration in abusing liberals, and my uncontrollable urge to punch hippies.
Do you think economic and political ideas should be tested on monkeys before they’re used on humans? That would be cruel to animals. I think we should test them on liberals first, and then move to higher forms of primates like monkeys and baboons.
How long have you been reading IMAO? About 1 year.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Fred Thompson facts, and Nancy-boy Edwards Fabulous facts.
What’s you favorite political issue? My hot-button is liberal aristocracy…that they think they are smart enough to tell everyone else how to live, yet they do not want to live that way. Nancy-boy Edwards wants to talk about two Americas, yet he lives in a 20,000 square foot home in NC.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. My site is titled: Liberal Hypocrisy–but, then again, I repeat myself. I like to point out the blatant hypocrisy of liberalism. I have an ever growing page devoted to “You Just Might Be a Liberal Hypocrite.”
What do you do with a drunken sailor? Give him 3 Purple Hearts and let him run for president in 2004.
[My answer is: Make him post daily on my site. -Ed.]

If you commented in the original post that you want to be included, you’re still in the running. Eventually I’ll have another post asking for who wants to participate, so keep reading. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Derek

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Derek.

What’s the story behind your name? Well Derek means “Ruler of the People” and my parents had a keen sense of irony. However if I ever witness a mob killing and have to testify I have already picked out my witness protection name, Miguel Javier Escobar Sanchez.
Where do you live? Kissimmee, FL or as I like to call it Orlando Jr.
How old are you? 418 months
Tell us briefly about yourself. I was born in Florida, graduated High School and joined the Marines. Got to hang out in Japan on Uncle Sam’s dime for a year, came back got a job, got married, and had 3 kids all boys (A 5 year old, 4 year old and 2 year old. We have cable now so we are not as bored at night so that should be the last of the kids) I work a full time job and my wife and I work a part time travel agency from our home. This way she can stay at home with our kids and home school them (yeah we are one of those kooks that don’t believe that you should turn pre K children over to the government for book learnin’) If you would like to know more you can read my upcoming autobiography called, “Kiss My @$$, A Love Story.”
Do you think liberals secretly want to be punched? Yes, I do. Nature hates a vacuum and the hollowness of their words causes a vast, sucking vacuum that needs to be filled. Normally their foot will fit in their nicely, but sometimes you have to shove your fist in there. A really good liberal will be able to accommodate not only their foot but both of your fists as well.
How long have you been reading IMAO? About two years now.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? I love In My World also I was a fan of Fun Facts of the 50 States
What’s you favorite political issue? Explaining to dumb hippies how it doesn’t matter how much you raise takes on evil corporations it is the consumer that ends up paying them when they pass the cost on to them. That was part of the reason we started doing a home business, the tax write offs are insane and the less I have to give to the government means one less free ride for dumb hippies to go to college.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I don’t not have a website. It is so much easier to leave brilliant and snarky comments on other peoples sites. Plus I really don’t think this Internet thing is going to catch on.
What’s your least favorite type of whale? The Beluga whale. You know the lumpy white ones. They creep me out every time I go to Sea World. They are like the creepy kid from Powder. The only way to make them more creepy is to give them freckles and red hair. Lumpy, white, freckly, red haired, creepy whales. (shudder) Now if they had a cool horn sticking out of their head like a Narwhal that would be a different story.
Thanks for participating! You are welcome and thank you for having me. It is not often that I get to share my insights with a fine gentleman such as yourself and your enlightened readers. I look forward to seeing you and all the contributors at next year’s IMAOcon. You guy’s will get a kick out of my Karl Rove costume.
[You weren’t supposed to respond to that. -Ed.]

If you commented in the original post that you want to be included, you’re still in the running. Eventually I’ll have another post asking for who wants to participate, so keep reading. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!