Ronin Profiles Open Casting

I needed to take a break for a day on Ronin Profiles, but I plan to keep it up as long as there are people to profile. If you wanted to be in Ronin Profiles but haven’t been featured yet, just comment to this post. Make sure to fill out the e-mail field (only I get to see that) so I know where to send the questions to.

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  1. In the interest of representing the senior Ronin, I volunteer. Will you get any answers besides “we’re almost there” or “not now you’ll spoil your supper” or “because I said so”? We’ll see…

  2. Please pick Jimmy and Brian the Adequate. I’d love to read more about them. Not to sound too John Edwardsish. (shudder) And after those two, if you would honor me with your inquiry, I’d be, once again, your humble servant.

  3. As an early subject of The Ronin Profiles, I offer this warning: Your time in the limelight is fleeting. Cherish it. For all too soon, you’ll feel the vast, looming emptiness that once held your celebrity, you’ll have fever dreams of what you once were and it will gnaw at your soul. Don’t become what I have, a pathetic, smelly has-been, sitting in a lawn chair in my empty living room, watching a black and white TV, drinking Listerine and eating stale Rold Gold pretzels, alone with my misery, and my cat, who is only waiting for my death so she can feast on my carcass. Beware, those of you who now seek the glory of Ronin!
    Sayonara…

  4. I hate being last in line. Where’s my 9mm? Humm??This crowd might shoot back, I better move up to the 50 cal and go for one good shot. (Just kidding)
    Ok {command voice on} “All Monkey Faced Liberals out of the line!” {command voice off}
    rats – that didn’t work very well
    Ok {excited voice on} “Look over there, Britneys getting out of the car and shes not wearing her panties!” {excited voice off}”
    Of course nobody moved but I did hear someone say “Bin there, done that”
    Ok last chance to move up…{honest indian voice on}Dear Frank and Sarah,
    Pick me next and I’ll clean your guns for a month….{honest indian voice off}
    HAY for crying out loud pick me. I’m not getting any younger here!
    Disclaimer: All promos and promises subject to availability.

  5. I’m last in line now, but I don’t have a 9mm. Is my .40 Glock or one of my .45ACP’s acceptable? I’ll see how long I can hold out here. Maybe I’ll get picked someday.
    Caution: May contain peanuts. (ssshhh! I’m hunting monkeys!)

  6. \Ro”nin”\, n. [Jap. r[=o]-nin, fr. Chin. lang profligate, lawless + j[^e]n (old sound n[=i]n) man.] In Japan, under the feudal system, a samurai who had renounced his clan or who had been discharged or ostracized and had become a wanderer without a lord; an outcast; an outlaw.
    Let’s do it by the numbers, kiddies; I have a very nice knife collection including my personal, well maintained KABAR,(Samurai),most of my family are “Dontknowcraps”,(Renounced), the Beautiful Mrs.P,(wife),kicked me outta the house,(Discharged),her friends don’t give me the time of day,(Ostracized),I have ADD and get easily distracted,(Wanderer),I really, really enjoy Frank n Harvey’s humor,unlike my twoofer coworkers,(Outcast),AND, if you don’t pick me,I’ll steal your penguin.
    You do have apenguin don’t you? What’s that smell?

  7. I read IMAO daily… comment rarely. Should I be profiled? YES.
    Why?
    1. I wear my “Club Gitmo” T-shirt to work in a union shop, and no one as of yet has had the balls to comment on it. (Nor about my Iraq Veterans for Bush, etc. shit, on my truck.)
    2. My commie-lib hippie Sister has not even spoken to me since the 04′ election. Guess she didn’t like the Che Guevarra T-Shirt for Christmas. (not that I mind this all that much… Still trying to figure a way to hippie-punch her in a way that will not get me talked about within the Family. Suggestions welcome.)
    This is a mere taste of my Lib-Crushing abilities.
    Oh…. What the hell. I’ll throw one more out there…
    3. I moonlight as Fred Thompson’s STUNT DICK!!!

  8. I already asked, but I figured I’d do it again…even though my commenting has rapidly dropped off since going off to college, since I’ve been too busy learning about the awesomeness of Western Civilization and other such stuff at my amazingly non-hippie-infested school.

  9. Oh, yeah. I also own the “finest close-quarter combat weapons system known to Man — the M1911A1” which I carry with my Texas CCL.
    I fenced saber and epee in graduate school and own a replica Patton Saber.
    I think I qualify.

  10. I am very confused. Do I post here even though I already asked? Do I not post here, because I am already on the list? Do I dare take the chance that I will miss out on the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make a fool of myself for the entire planet to see?
    I had best not risk it, so here is my request to be profiled by someone besides the F.B.I.

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