Trying to Follow the Logic

The lefties are saying you can’t trust what Petraeus says about the war, because he wants to be President some day.
How’s that work for Hillary, then?
[Hat tip: Joan of Primordial Slack]

Ronin Profile: Hazel

Hazel

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Hazel.


What’s the story behind your name? Taken from The Moon is a Harsh Mistress (and, I guess, other Heinlein books, but I haven’t read those yet). I had trouble deciding between her and Ludmilla. Admittedly, I’m probably more like Milla, but Hazel’s just cooler. Plus, I like having a “z” in my name.
[That’s a great novel; I stole it from my brother. -Ed.]
Where do you live? I’ve been noticing shurikens flying by my head lately, so I’d rather not give an exact location, but I will say it’s in central NC, where any boyfriend I find gets, “If anything happens to my daughter, I have a .45, a shovel, and a large back yard. No one will miss you,” from my father. Funny how they think he’s kidding.
How old are you? Old enough to be able to vote for Fred Thompson next year, but young enough that I’m still celebrating being able to watch R-rated movies.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I went to public school until the middle of my sophomore year when I got sick of the lack of learning and decided to home school. I intend to graduate in December and hope to go to NCSU in the spring to probably major in chemistry. I like shooting, writing, action movies (despise chick flicks), working on my car (’82 240D), and other fun stuff. I’m also currently a 3rd gup in Tang Soo Do, which is sort of like Tae Kwan Do, but 1,000 times better.
How long have you been reading IMAO? Probably only since this past spring. The first post I remember reading was the State of the Frank Report where it was decided that you had to kill Aquaman. When I finished, I said, “This man is a genius!” and added the site to my favorites.

What’s your favorite IMAO post? I would probably say one of the IMW’s like everyone else, but I’m waiting until I get the book to start going through all of them (asking for it for Christmas since I don’t really have any money). As things stand, I don’t really know; none are really jumping out in my mind at the moment, except perhaps the Ode to Violence, but that’s probably just because I just read that today. I’ve really been enjoying the Ronin Profiles though; it’s nice to learn about other people who read the site.
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? “Nuke the moon,” obviously.
What’s you favorite political issue? It’s a pretty close race between guns and schools. Guns because they are a blast to shoot (pun intended) and are great for self-defense if you can carry, but people are trying to take them away from the good citizens (Myself included, and I can’t even own one yet!). Schools, because learning is also really fun, but the public school system just ruins it for everyone simply by being a government-run system.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Bad day to ask that. Just this morning, I started this: http://insertrandomaddresshere.blog.com/, but I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do with it yet. I may incorporate a little myspace page that I made a little while ago (one of my many sad, sad, sad attempts at humor) into it and delete the myspace. Here’s the current myspace, if you’re curious: http://www.myspace.com/theonepartyhq
What’s your favorite country that isn’t America? Ameri- Oh, that isn’t America? In that case, I’ll have to say Japan. Without them, we would all be without ninja, Ronin, sushi, kimono, katana, anime, and many other great things of that sort.


If you commented in the latest post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

Whatever Happened to the Ozone Layer?

I remember when I was kid there was even more talk about how we are all going to die from the destruction of the ozone layer than there was talk about global warming. I just realized, though, I haven’t heard anything about the ozone layer in years. Did we solve that problem or something?
Frankly, I don’t think you should be allowed to cry doomsday about something and then just quietly fade into the background. I demand an ozone update from the environmentalists! And should I still be worried about acid rain or was that just an 80s fad?

Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

john edwards fabulous.jpgJohn Edwards can completely relax on an ocean cruise vacation, knowing that – since he’s weaker than either a woman OR a child – he’ll be given the first seat on the lifeboat.

Doddering Economist Finally Puts Two and Two Together

WASHINGTON (AP) – More than 4 years after the American-led invasion of Iraq, 81-year-old economist Alan Greenspan has published his memoirs, which contain the observation, “the Iraq war is largely about oil”. This has led leading Republican politicians to respond overwhelmingly with “Well, DUH!”

“War for oil! Who are you? It’s cold in here! Someone stole my pants!”

“I can’t believe it’s taken the senile, wrinkle-lipped, Durante-nosed idiot this long to figure it out,” said presidential hopeful Fred Thompson. “I mean, I know economists aren’t that bright – Economics is the degree you go for after you flunk out of Accounting school, after all – but there are bronze-medal-winning Special Olympians who figured out this bit of ‘breaking news’ before the first blast of Shock and Awe scorched the skyline of Baghdad.”
When asked for his take on the topic, retired Bush confidant Donald Rumsfeld stopped flaying a hippie long enough to offer his opinion. “[expletive] idiot! Did he think we went in there to scoop up a bunch of [expletive] sand to prop up the [expletive] kitty litter industry? If we weren’t so [expletive] worried about keeping the oil supply safe, we’d have nuked those [lengthy and viciously unflattering series of expletives] Arabs into glowing glass & ashes back in ’91!”.
“Now,” he concluded, removing a large strip of skin from the hippie’s back, “get the hell away from me before I gouge out your eyes and [unsavory physical act of corpse desecration]!”
Although expected by Democrats to react as though some embarrassing secret had been let out, President Bush seemed puzzled as to why this bit of information was considered news. “Of COURSE this war is all about oil! Specifically, keeping the French, Chinese, and Russians from buying it on the black market from a brutal regime which they were supposed to be boycotting.”
“That,” the president said congenially, “is probably what the feeble-minded, greasy-headed old mummy probably meant. He probably just forgot about that bit of history. Lord knows the Democrats & war protesters have.”

Mothers Ruling the World?

I have some reservations about Sally Field’s idea of mothers ruling the world. What if the mothers assigned to rule the world end up abandoning the world in a dumpster? What if they rule for a while but then suddenly snap and drown the world? Or what if they shotgun the sun and run off with the world claiming that the sun was abusing them?
And some specific mothers might not be good world leaders, like Hitler’s mom. I don’t know of anything specific she did wrong, but I still don’t think she’s ready for more responsibility. Maybe I’m being unfair, though, and the rest of her children weren’t genocidal at all.

Frank Improves the Sally Field Meltdown

Sally Field went into a crazy rant at the Emmys last night where she mumbled gibberish for a few seconds before finally shouting:

“If the mothers ruled the world there would be no @#$% wars in the first place.”

FOX cut her off right before the swear (a blaspheme that some people — me included — find quite offensive), but I bet a lot of people listening to the statement were saying to themselves, “I don’t know if that’s true; some mothers seem unhinged.”
I think the statement could be made more accurate by adding more — not less — swearing, though:

“If the bad ass THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace because they’d @#$% kill you if you even thought of starting a war, bitch!”

Of course, such wisdom as that is beyond vapid, self-absorbed celebrities.

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

Fred Thompson can wrestle a grizzly bear and pin it to the ground for a three-count in two seconds.