New Blog!

SarahK has started a new blog devoted to snarking TV called Snark Raving Mad!. Check out the great banner by Cadet Happy (who will be posting there too; he’s not dead!). Tonight starts all the big premieres (we’re watching Chuck right now off the DVR; it has Adam Baldwin, one of the few conservative actors… and my sister worked with him recently).


Ronin Profile: charski

charski

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s charski.


What’s the story behind your name? It’s a mixture of my given name and my favorite legal escape of all time. No friends on a powder day, right?
Where do you live? Longmont, Colorado. We’re about to get our second Wal-Mart/Sams Club, so you know we’re on someone’s map.
How old are you? I feel like 25 thanks to staying in shape, but was born in ’64. That hurts just to write, but I’ve been told that a man isn’t worth a damn till he’s 50, so there’s hope for me yet.
Tell us briefly about yourself. I’m a cube monkey (don’t hurt me), I swing both ways (road AND mountain biker) and in my past I have been involved in some not well intentioned shooting contests. I’ve never shot at a monkey, but only because of location. My most painful memory is having to sell an unused Remington 7mm mag that my adopted dad willed me to pay rent. Arrgghh…
How long have you been reading IMAO? Unfortunately, only about 6 months, but I tell my friends about it.
[First rule of IMAO Club: Tell everyone about IMAO Club. Second rule of IMAO Club: Tell everyone about IMAO Club. Third rule of IMAO Club: If someone says stop, goes limp, taps out, the humor post is over.]
What’s your favorite IMAO post? It has to be your response to that peacenik about why we are really in Iraq, where you didn’t pull any punches. It was about 2 months ago, if that’s not clear enough to link to, the daily Edwards facts consistently make me spit milk through my nose.
[Those are both by Harvey. Why do I even bother to show up to work each day? -Ed.]
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Second favorite escape.
What’s you favorite political issue? Illegal immigration. It gets very played down in Denver papers even though a couple Illegals have killed and tried to kill some of Denver’s finest officers in the past couple of years. That and school vouchers since I have kids now. (But letting people who try to kill cops out on low bail? Please…)
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. I am shocked to say that I do. It’s hosted at http://finerworks.com/gallery.asp?U_ID=charski&offset=0 It’s a collection of some photographs I have taken over the years, none of which show deceased monkeys, and have nothing to do with politics.
Aquaman can talk to both fish and aquatic mammals. Do you think he can talk to penguins? That’s a tough one. I would imagine that Aquaman is an enemy of penguins because Opus (from the comic Bloom County) is a penguin, and somewhat of a left leaning peacenik. Aquaman would certainly take vengeance on Opus’s mother for raising such a softy, and in doing so would almost have to break the penguin code of communication. So, yes, Aquaman can talk to penguins, but chooses not to.


If you commented in the last post asking for participants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.

There Are No Gays, But Men Do Sodomize Each Other (In a Completely Hetero Way)

When asked about Iran’s execution of gays, Ahmadinejad said there are no gays in Iran. He added that while his country had been bad to gays, he would love to treat them with respect now, but unfortunately they had killed them all so it’s a moot point.
Why is it that conservatives seem to be the ones most concerned about the persecution of gay people in places such as Cuba and Iran? I thought conservatives were supposed to hate gays? I guess we need gays to be alive and free before we can hate them.

Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

john edwards fabulous.jpgLike most men, John Edwards was VERY happy to see the mini-skirt come back into fashion. Unlike most men, John thinks he still has the legs for it.
Bonus Fact from AlanABQ:
John Edwards’ biggest grade school compliment? Being told that he throws like a girl.

Bush Calls Sick Kids “America’s Greatest Asset”

WASHINGTON (AP) – Responding to accusations that he was a heartless monster for threatening to veto a Democrat-sponsored expansion of a federal children’s health insurance program, the President said that “sick kids come in really handy for a lot of things, and I don’t want to diminish one of America’s greatest assets.”

Hillary mines for “sick kid gold” at a children’s hospital campaign stop”

The president explained that for the average American, sick children are a blessing. “I mean, who HASN’T taken a day off from work by calling in and saying they won’t be in because ‘Bobby’s got the flu’ or ‘Susie just projectile-vomited on the cat’? If it weren’t for childhood ilnesses, people would have to work 365 days a year. THAT’S what Democrats want. A nation of overworked slaves!”
“Well, I won’t have it!” Bush stated fiercely. “Hard-working Americans deserve a little me-time once in a while, and if it takes sick kids to make that happen, then by God, I’ll make darn sure that this country maintains a ready stock of coughing, wheezing, stuffy-nosed little crumb-crunchers!”
After a moment’s reflection, the president added, “I don’t know why Democrats are so eager to have America’s children healthy, anyway. Bright-eyed, bushy-tailed kids don’t win elections. I mean, it’s all well and good to get your picture taken with a smiling, healthy child – they’re cute little buggers and all – but if you get a grin out of some moppet in a hospital bed, then BAM! Front page news, and an extra million dollars in the campaign coffers!”
“Besides,” added Bush, “isn’t it a slap in the face to the Sickly-American community to say that there’s something wrong with their choice of lifestyle?”

Excerpts from Ahmadinejad’s Speech at Columbia University

I obtained an advanced copy of Ahmadinejad’s speech to Columbia University, and here are some excerpts from it:
* “I like to think there was never a holocaust so it will seem more pioneering when I do it.”
* “When they told you I wanted to ‘wipe Israel off the map,’ that was a translation error. I actually said, ‘I want to destroy all of Israel and rape its children and farm animals.'”
* “If my people are hungry, would it be wrong for me to make them bread even if the U.S. told me not to? Well, what if my people don’t like bread; what if they like nuclear weapons?”
* “Conservatives condemn me for executing gay teenagers, but lucky you progressive are more open-minded about such things.”
* “I’m not funding people who kill U.S. troops; I’m just being anti-war in a more proactive way.”
* “Sorry you had to bump that neo-Nazi so I could speak. Hopefully he can reschedule because I hear he has a very powerful message against the Iraq War.”
* “Because of all the MoveOn.org controversy, the New York Times had to rescind the discounted offer on my ‘Destroy America!’ one page ad.”
* “You shouldn’t let your school be corrupted by having conservatives speak here. When people with their evil views promoting freedom and democracy speak at our country, we kill them!”
* “You guys are great; I’ll kill you last.”

A Trip Down Memo Lane

Rathergate was one of the right-wing blogosphere’s greatest moments, so it’s nice how Dan Rather is suing CBS so we can kick him around some more.
Boy, that was great times when that all happened. I did my first traditional political comic (with symbolism and stuff) and I had a parody of mine mentioned on FOX News by Brit Hume (without credit). And I just have to say this again: Worst. Forgeries. Ever.
They were the absolute worst forgeries ever in the history of everything. Anyone could just look at it and realize, “That was made in MSWord and photocopied.” Some went to great lengths to prove that they were forgeries mentioning things like “kearning,” but to me the best response to anyone who thought the documents were real was, “LOOK AT IT, YOU @#$% IDIOT! IT WAS WRITTEN IN MSWord!! JUST LOOK AT IT!!!” Really, you don’t even need Charles Johnson’s animated gif to prove it; if you ever used MSWord, you should be able to see the document was written in the extremely familiar default settings. Why the forger never even bother to switch to the New Courier font which actually looks like the result of a typewriter (used in my forgery), we’ll never know. I guess he had CBS on the line and only had like two minutes to do up some fake documents.
Now, Rather claimed he had “document experts” verify the Killian memos, but what did he have them do? Verify they were actually pieces of paper? Any document expert who didn’t look at those and say, “That’s just something made in MSWord,” should be shot for extreme incompetence. Also, the explanations from the nutroots for how the documents could be real were just stunning. They claim to be interested in science and be “reality-based,” yet they came up with explanations for the documents that were even more convoluted that the arguments of those who believe the earth is flat. “If the secretary had a certain $20,000 typewriter, spent five hours writing these memos, there is a one in a trillion chance it would end up looking like the default setting in MSWord over thirty years later… so we should assume these documents are true!” Anyone who believe those documents for even a second should never be allowed to make political arguments on anything that involves science or logic ever again.
Jim Treacher has a good suggestion: CBS should settle and give Rather seventy million photocopies of a one dollar bill. It’s not like he’d be able to tell them from the real thing. I’m just happy he popped his head up so we could whack him again for old time’s sake.

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

Fred Thompson is so pro-American that when he places an ad in the New York Times, they charge him four times their normal rate.