Ronin Profiles: JamesT

JamesT

Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s JamesT.


What’s the story behind your name? Well. My first name is James. And my middle name starts with a “T.” The “T” stands for “Thaddeus”, a proud and stately name that comes with a mint. Of course, according to my parents, I was almost named either “Rasputin” or “Osgood.” If that had happened, I prob would have wound up a serial killer from the repeated playground beatings from my peers.
Where do you live? Overland Park, Kansas. And contrary to rich effette poo-flinging monkey faced liberals from Mission Hills there is nothing the matter with Kansas. We are doing just fine, so piss off you Mission Hills snob.
How old are you? I quote Chiun, Master of Sinanju, “For a plum, I am old beyond my time, for a mountain, I have not begun my years, for a man, I am just right.”
Tell us briefly about yourself. Well. I live in Kansas. I am a lawyer for a mid-sized engineering firm. I came to Kansas to go to college and pretty much stayed. I, am, of course, a gun owner, a TV fanatic, avid video game player, reader of all things sci-fi and have a Barry Goldwater figure on my desk. Despite all this, I am married, and even have a daughter who turned two over the holiday weekend. I plan on raising her to be The Ultimate Living Weapon, and at 18 unleash her upon an unsuspecting world as my vengeance. My wife is provisionally on board with this plan, as the alternative is the raising of an army composed of my clones. We have three cats. All are mean. Two live indoors, and the one that is a whirling dervish of white hot feline rage and fury lives in outside where she attacks our neighbors pugs on a regular basis. One consistently craps on my shoes. I think there is a message there. I am your typical neo-libertarian leaning Kansan who thinks Sam Brownback needs to shut up and get back to work and put down the dream pipe.
What do you think was made first: The can, or the can opener? Support your argument. Thats an easy one. The can opener. Rocks, tree branches, jawbones of your slain enemies have been around much longer then cans. The can opener just made it easier to eat the contents out of the can, rather then licking the spatter off the walls.
How long have you been reading IMAO? Since, I dunno, 2002? 2003? Long time. I first started when I had a state job and had lots of free time as a result.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Anything with Buck The Marine. My brother is a Marine, and he kinda talks, and acts on occasion, like Buck. Which makes the Buck segments all teh funnyer as I imagine my brother saying those lines. A close second are the In My World Posts. Those at times have been so funny, I have cried. Which sounds kinda wussy, but they were tears of mirth, and it is far more manly then peeing my pants from laughter.
What’s you favorite political issue? Eminent domain. I view this as an assault on the basic and most important underpinnings of a free society, the ownership of property. If you own property at the sufferance of the government, then you are no longer free. This has been a long held issue for me. I almost married a girl from law school because of her views on Hawaii Housing Authority v. Midkiff (1984) (well, ok, all I did was try to sleep with her, and thus creating among my law school peers the “Hawaii Housing Authority Dating Standard”) and started a near riot in my Constitutional Law class advocating armed resistance in Wickard v. Filburn, (1942) and calling FDR a “big fat socialist stooge.” Of course, after that only members of the Federalist Society would talk to me anymore.
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. A website? Nope not me. Mainly because I am really, really lazy. And because I have no website, that allows me to criticize the websites of those who do with impunity and authority.
Who do you think would win in a fight between a ninja and a Shaolin monk? According to the documentary, “Ninja vs Shaolin”, the Shaolin monk would win. Of course, this does not take into account a ninja who was Lee Van Cleeff. In either case, Chiun could kick both they asses.


If you commented in the original post that you want to be included, you’re still in the running. Eventually I’ll have another post asking for who wants to participate, so keep reading. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

lolterizt! Part 13

Once again, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.


michael vick.jpg
mom forgets.jpg
mosque temptation.jpg
sign said.jpg
volunteering.jpg
second base.jpg


Reader submissions:
From Denver Greg:
splodey belt.JPG
From TomG:
i is martyr.jpg
From FormerHostage:
terrorist cutie.JPG
From AlanABQ:
sad willy.JPG
From Handsome Bill
toybox.jpg
PRODUCTION NOTE: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
Send your submissions to lolterizt-at-gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact

john edwards fabulous.jpgJohn Edwards taught Senator Craig the “wide stance“.

Those Gullible Kos Kids

A diarist on Daily Kos claimed to have the secret war plans for an attack on Iran, and the diary became hugely recommended despite how fantastical and easily disproven its claims were. Kos himself ended up berating everyone for being gullible fools. The denizens at Daily Kos do seem to lack critical thinking skills, especially if you look at some of the other recently recommended diaries on the site.

RECENTLY RECOMMENDED DIARIES ON DAILY KOS

Bu$h to Sell Brooklyn Bridge to Fund Illegal War with Iran (Includes Details on How to Buy; PayPal Accepted)
Chimpy McBusHitler Removes “Gullible” from Dictionary.com (Go Ahead and Check)
Help Me Move $40 Million Out of Nigeria Before the Chimperor Uses It to Fund His Illegal War (I’ll Give You Ten Percent of It)
Shrubby McHalliburton Trying to Keep You from Learning Secret Formula to a Bigger Penis; Buy It Before His Stormtroopers Take It Away!
New Pyramid Plan Can Help Us All Get Rich to Fight Chimpy McSmirk! Just Send Me $5 to Get Started!
Boooooooooooosh! Boooooooooooosh! Cheap \/i4gr4! Boooooooooooosh!
(hat tip Conservative Grapevine)

The Spectacle of John Edwards

“John Edwards is the only candidate who respects beet farming.”

The allegation that the denizens of Daily Kos are of even average intelligence is belied by the fact that John Edwards, the most blatantly phony politician I think I have ever seen, is their favorite candidate. I wish he could win because of the comic potential, but even the majority of Democrats seem to realize how worthless he and his newly adopted views are.
What seemed to have happened is that Edwards, realizing he had to convince a “progressive” party to ignore the woman and the minority and vote once again for the white male, started adopting every liberal cause he could as red tofu to the libtards. The only thing is he’s never thought any of them out before preaching them and he lacks any self-awareness. Thus he’s preaching about fighting poverty while stealing money from homeless people to buy $400 dollar haircuts. He even came out the other day against SUVs while a quick check revealed he owns (at least) two.
Still, the nutroots supporters are undaunted, clapping like seals while saying, “He’s the first one to come out against SUVs! He’s so brave!” The facts that Edwards’s actions prove he doesn’t believe his own crap is of no issue to them.
What this all reminds me of is the show The Office. In it, the boss, Michael, is also completely devoid of self-awareness and is always embarrassing himself and others in huge spectacles — much like Edwards. But there’s this even weirder character, Dwight, who doesn’t seem to notice what a huge idiot Michael is and treats him like a god. That’s exactly like the nutroots supporters of Edwards.
I’m not sure how useful it is to show that the Edwards spectacle is like something from a fictional show, but it’s at least comforting to know that someone once at least imagined something this ridiculous before it happened.

Snow Job

I know I’m a little slow on the ball with the news that Tony Snow is leaving the White House Press Secretary’s job, but I think I’ve come across some interesting reasons why he’s leaving.
Oh, sure, he says he’s leaving because of the money and to write a few books, but this is Tony Freaking Snow. Unlike Peter Jennings, who raked in money hand over fist while chainsmoking himself to death, Tony Snow stared cancer in the eye and conquered it, eating more bran per pound of body weight than any living creature on the planet (including pandas)
Money means nothing to Tony Snow, who goes to Fort Knox to deposit gold. So what’s the real scoop?

  • Sick of personal grooming duties: Ever since President Benjamin Harrison ordered his press secretary to pick the fleas out of his voluminous beard, the personal groomings of the commander-in-chief have falled under the umbrella of the press secretary. Sure, President Bush is a very well-groomed individual, but Tony drew the line at trimming ear hair and was summarily dismissed.
  • Accidental nuking of Liberia: You haven’t heard much from Liberia lately, have you? Yeah, well, thank Tony Snow for that. (No, really – thank Tony Snow for that. Liberia didn’t have much to offer the world, anyway.)
  • Scared of Helen Thomas: Okay, so he thought he was tough enough to face down The Medusa of The Media, Helen Thomas. Despite months of training in the Himalayas, sleeping with yeti females while armed with nothing but a toothpick and a bottle of whiskey, Tony crumbled under her hideous, babbling visage like every press secretary before him. Cackling with glee, Helen Thomas will shamble back to her cthonic mead hall under the Potomac and go back to mourning the dismemberment of her son.
  • Tori Amos: Still won’t return his calls.
  • Ethical problems with Dick Cheney’s organ farming: Until the folks at White Sands come up with a permanent artificial heart, Dick Cheney’s been going down the transplant waiting list and wiping out all the people waiting in front of him. And who has been the unfortunate soul that plays Igor to Cheney’s Frankenstein? That’s right: Tony Snow. (Kinda makes sense, since it was on his resume from his days working for Rupert Murdoch)

So there you have it – the God’s-honest truth.
I feel bad for Gallagher, because when he takes the job he’s not going to be allowed to open up with the watermelon and seldgehammer gag. (He will, however, be allowed to tell Helen Thomas to put a plastic bag over her head.)

Sounds Like the Start of an Awesome Movie

Shaolin Monks Demand Apology Over Tale of Ninja That Bested Them
Actual headline, and the Shaolin monks are saying they may pursue legal action if they don’t get an apology.
Legal action? What they should be telling the pro-ninja internet troll is, “We demand battle! Let’s see if our flying dragon fist can silence your lies!” If he doesn’t show up, then the monks are proving right be default. Don’t they know anything about martial arts?

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

Fred Thompson’s announcement on Thursday could affect oil prices since entire countries in the Middle East are expected to go into hiding.