I’m sick of hearing that these breakfast cereals are a part of a complete and nutritious breakfast.
Know what I’d like to see?
I’d like to see a breakfast cereal that admits that it can never be a part of a complete and nutritious breakfast because it has trust issues. You know, because it was molested by a relative when it was 8 years old, then it was passed from foster family to foster family, growing bitter and jaded.
Or a breakfast cereal that says you’ll just sit on the couch and eat it right from the box while playing Halo 3.
I’d like to create a breakfast cereal called: “I’m Too Lazy To Make Waffles For Us, How Pathetic Is That?”
The surprise in the box would be a small mirror you can look at and tell yourself “I’m a bad parent” or “I’m a kid who doesn’t deserve good things.”
Don’t mind me. I’ll just be in the breakfast bar aisle, hugging myself and sipping maple syrup from this flask.