What to do about WikiLeaks

Posted on November 30, 2010 5:59 am

Everyone is shocked — shocked! — to discover that WikiLeaks has continued to release secret and confidential documents despite the urging of the Obama administration.

It’s almost like Obama can’t make people act nice by asking them. Didn’t the whole world listen to the 2008 campaign? Obama can stop the oceans from rising; he should be able to stop Iran from developing nukes and Julian Assange from releasing documents that are harmful to the U.S. interestes.

Unless, of course, Obama isn’t really interested in American interests. But that’s silly. I mean, it’s not like he grew up in another country. It’s not like Obama is interested in a post-America world. It’s not like he’s bowing to foreign leaders.

No, there’s no evidence whatsoever that Obama is secretly cool with the WikiLeaks releases. And, despite Obama being the most awesome thing since man descended from the trees and discovered TiVo, Assange went ahead and released the documents.

Now that the impossible has happened, what can Obama do about it?

  • Blame George Bush
  • Go golfing
  • Play basketball
  • Send Joe Biden to talk to Julian Assange
  • Increase pat-downs at airports
  • Go on vacation
  • Extend the healthcare law
  • Send SEIU personnel to “talk” to Julian Assange
  • Go golfing
  • Let tax cuts expire
  • Email Assange a Microsoft Windows virus
  • Release the GTMO detainees
  • Go golfing
  • Give an speech, using a woman who will lose her job in six months as a prop

Perhaps there are other things Obama can do to temper the damage of these leaks and prevent future leaks. Ideas? Anyone?

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47 Responses to “What to do about WikiLeaks”

  1. ian says:

    I heard on Wikileaks that Julian Assange and the PFC were going to get high level jobs within the regime

  2. ussjimmycarter says:

    Issue a strongly worded memo that you are “deeply disappointed” with the leaks and that Assange is now on Super Double Secret Probation! That’s about all the regime has in it’s ARSenal!

    Go have a face-to-face with Assange and bow like the dickens!

    Take away everyone’s guns.

    Free abortions day.

    Arrest Rush Limbaugh

  3. Caroline says:

    Have a guess appearance on Gossip Girl and the View. We all know the View ladies are fire-breathing dragons.


  4. Shiggz says:

    If this was under Bush the daily kos/huffington post lefties would be cheering the hell out of it.

    Welcome to the real face of European lefties and their views on America. Tell me again why we expend American blood and treasure to maintain bases and oppose ever growing threats so they can save all they can spend all their military money on a welfare state?

    All this while our Borders may as well be secured with those 6 inch tall white plastic fences old people put around their flower beds.

  5. seanmahair says:

    He could hide in the closet and cry like a girl. (I’m a girl, don’t be offended-it’s a joke)
    He could hire a huge marketing firm to leverage the synergy of this event and roll out a new and better response to the affair.
    He could go to the Smithsonian with the family and take in the new exhibit at the National Gallery.
    He could star in Angela Jolie’s new movie about a Muslim woman who falls in love with her guard/rapist in Bosnia.
    He could mount a defense of the “Christmas Tree” bomber or organize a community fair to raise money for said bombers defense.
    He could (and will) try to bend the new Congress people to his will a la “The Emperor” in Star Wars. ( I think he has a real surprise coming to him. Some of the folks we’re sending to Washington are just that real live folks. He’s not going to know how to handle them. Oh to be a fly on the wall)

    But what he will do is nothing. Not ONE single thing. Oh he’ll talk a lot, he’ll posture, he’ll pontificate, preen and pose. But in the end he’ll do nothing. He’s a coward. We know it, our friends know it and so do our enemies.

    Imagine if you will, North Korea doing what it has been doing in the last week when President Reagan was in office. You can’t. It wouldn’t have happened. They were scared to death of “that cowboy”. Sometimes the only way to deal with a bully is to stare him down, convincing him that if he hits you, he won’t wake up once you hit him and sometimes you have to hit him. Puts all the other bully’s on alert. Remember Kadafy. That’s how you deal with international bullies.

    I really miss President Reagan

  6. FormerHostage says:

    * Shake his little fist impotently at the sky.
    * Take the keys away from Assange.
    * Give a bucket load of speeches to his zombies supporters and keep saying that no documents were released.
    * Go golfing.

  7. tomg51 says:

    Develop a super-secret code for diplomatic e-mails that requires a plastic ring to read or write them

  8. Jimmy says:

    * Hit the Internet Kill Switch.
    * Make us eat salad.
    * Order more ice cream.
    * Send in the Wookie.
    * Turn the other cheek and split his upper lip.

  9. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    Get Julian Ass_ange a job at the Hawaiian birth certificate storage place….? oh wait…nevermind.

  10. Iowa Jim says:

    He can dispatch Bob Etheridge to “talk” to Assange. Bob’s going to be at a loss for things to do in a couple of months. Actually, there will be a few dozen Democrat ex-congresscritters in a couple of months. Send them all! They can’t re-enter the country as long as Assange is alive, however.

  11. DamnCat says:

    >> Eat waffles

    >> Have a Slurpie

    >> Call it “transparency”

  12. Ivan Ivanovich says:

    “Send SEIU personnel to “talk” to Julian Assange

    Yea, that would work. A baseball bat to the knee usually convinces people to go along with your plan. It would be something like Card-Check for leakers.

    For prevention they could start using lemon juice to write notes to foreign leaders.

  13. Bobby says:

    If you want to nuke the moon,then find a synopsis of the latest book by David Icke. In it he gives the results from his research about a lot of things, but you would be very interested in what he says about the moon. Any good synopsis should tell you what it is. And I think it will give you another reason to nuke the moon. Just found out about this and immediately thought about you and your plan to nuke the moon.

  14. MarkoMancuso says:

    I don’t care about what Obama does. I care about what America does.

    What America should do:

    Release a statement stating “You have some gay European manchild and we have an entire Marine Corps and something called a B-52. Act accordingly if you harbor this gay European manchild.”

  15. plentyobailouts says:

    that one will have an arugula and waffle salad.

    He will apologize to asswage for the acting arrogantly and hiding the documents in the first place.

    He will have Sasquatch stare at asswad.

    He will cry and gnash his teeth.

  16. Proud Infidel says:

    Since the Obama regime isn’t likely to do what most red-blooded Americans would like him to do, namely, set loose a brigade of Marines on Wikileaks with orders to kill them all, he may as well send them one of his trademark strongly worded memos. They work so well, don’t they?

  17. Larsinkima says:

    Play basketball with him.

  18. Steve says:

    I would say have a “beer summit” with ASSange, but I’m not sure ASSange is man enough to drink beer…

  19. hwuu says:

    I think he is hoping the answer magically appears in front of him… on the teleprompter

  20. Burmashave says:

    I think he and Hillary will send Assange a Circuit City reset button that says “Please Stop” in Australian.

    Who’s after the real story here? How the ‘eph did some ‘ephing ‘epher gain access to all of our diplomatic cables and then ‘ephing walk off with them on an ‘ephin’ thumbdrive? Need to know access? Compartmentalized data? Security clearances? Random polygraphs? Random searches? Security audits? Workstations designed to prevent or restrict use of removable media? Thorough FBI background checks? Competent counter intelligence operations?

    This ain’t rocket science, and it has little to do with Obama. No country has better front line troops than we do; however, I am ashamed that many behind the lines are too stinking lazy to wipe their own *sses.

    There is but one solution. Aqua Buddha, we’re sorry. Please come back.

  21. Jimmy says:

    Let’s review the main WikiLeak headlines so far:

    These make sense:

    * Hillary ordered spying and dirt gathering on U.N. and foreign officials. Check. √
    * Iran has North Korean missles (i.e., Chinese missles). Check. √
    * Iran smuggled weapons to Hizballah via ambulances. Check. √
    * Arabs want U.S. to bomb Iran’s nuclear sites. Check. √
    * World thinks U.S. and Obama are incompetent. Check. √
    * Obama tried to bribe countries into taking Gitmo prisoners. Check. √
    * Saudi Arabia proposed planting chips in Gitmo prisoners. Check. √
    * Karzai is paranoid. Check. √

    These, not so much:

    * China ready to give up on North Korea.
    * China afraid of Pelosi pointing human rights finger at China.

    Big losers so far:

    Hillary Clinton (dirty, rotten, no good beotch)
    Barack Obama (cheap, incompetent fool who would sell his own mother)
    Iran (bad – and worth bombing)

  22. storm1911 says:

    If Reagan was president those gents with the Playstation III contollers piloting those nifty drones would experiance navigational failures followed by a loss of fire control. At a minimum aSS_ange should br paid a visit by Barney Frank, TSA agent. As it stands now aSS_ange will get a check in the mail from the Kenyans for Kommunisim fund and a note thanking him for his good work.

    The PFC? Cheif Human Target Holder at the M-1 Abrams practice range.

  23. Joe Schmo says:

    I’m guessing the little girl president will get on his little girl bike with his little girl bike helmet and go out for a photo op so he can show the world how impotent he is.

  24. Shiggz says:

    You put the very far left guy from Harold and Khumar in charge of this stuff and this happens. Only a magical wizard wielding the power of Keynes could have seen this coming.

  25. Steve in Greensboro says:

    Hit himself in the lip and go for stitches.

    Have his wife hit him in the lip.

    Have a seminar and break out into breakout groups.

    Have a dope summit with Assange, Bubba and Reverend Wright.

    Blame it on Booosh!

  26. ussjimmycarter says:

    You know those morons at the airport that want to feel your nads every time you fly. Those are Federal Workers. They are the same type people who are hired to protect government computers from hackers. Think about that and let it sink in… As an IT professional, I have first hand experience with Government IT at the state level, and it ain’t pretty! So, if you have a secret and you work for the government, the last place you should put it is on a computer connected to a network. It will get hacked because these are government workers!

  27. quasimodo says:

    Send Joe Biden to talk to Julian Assange

    Sorry, No can do … that would be unconstitutionally cruel and unusual punishment

  28. zzyzx says:

    Well don’t look for me to do anything about WikiLeaks. I’m waaay to busy investigating the people of Arizona for the crime of not giving millions of potential Democrats free and easy access to this country….Eric Holder wide awake and on the job, Washington DC.

  29. rayfan87 says:

    Where the f**k is the Net Force Tom Clancy promised us? We need those former hackers and special ops guys to track him down and put a .45 hollow point in his skull.

  30. Choey says:

    Assange looks like the kind of kid we used to jump after the football game, take his pants and make him walk home in his skivvies. Maybe 0bama could consider that..
    Oh wait….0bama was that kind of kid too…

    Never mind

  31. Celsa Oerther says:

    This Wikileaks thing is amazing. Every country has the right to keep it’s secrets. This Julian guy clearly has a vendetta against the United States. He’s an Austrailian right? Would he like to see all of that nation’s secrets spilled out in the open? There is no country in the world that doesn’t have state secrets. What about national defense? One thing that is being overlooked is that sometimes such secrets help to avoid war. Did Assange ever think of that? No….he’s looking to embarass the United States and make a name for himself. I think his 15 minutes of fame will be over soon enough.

  32. Burmashave says:

    @USSJC: You’re on the money, and you have to factor in that anyone with any real authority/responsibility is prolly a political hack concerned only with advancing his/her career. I’d hope for improvement, but I don’t see how it’ll happen.

    Exit thought: If the State Department had classified the cables as “medical records,” the power of HIPAA would have actually prevented Assange from getting them.

  33. Jimmy says:

    Now this Assange is calling for Hillary to resign.

    Pass the popcorn and beer !

  34. Iowa Jim says:

    “Please Stop” in Australian

    Fortunately, I speak Australian. “Out of Beer” is how you say “Please Stop” in Australian. Vomiting (known as a protein spill) works, too.

  35. Corona says:

    “What do do” indeed.

  36. seanmahair says:

    Obama could organize a boycott of Amazon.com which is lending Wikilinks it’s servers. I WAS going to buy the majority of my Christmas presents on line at Amazon this year, but guess what?

    Now I won’t be buying ANYTHING from Amazon. I won’t be stopping at their site, I won’t be looking at their emails. One is known by the company he keeps and that makes Amazon what exactly, traitorous, criminals who are willing to pimp their servers for money. I guess I don’t need anything that bad or for that price.

  37. Sparky says:

    Lucky for dipwad O, the situation may be self correcting. It seems he is threatening to leak secrets about the Russians and unfortunately, they not only have their own big brass ones, they still have the ones O lost. He could disappear courtesy of Putin in short order here.

  38. MarkoMancuso says:

    I wasn’t paying attention. I had no idea that scum was an Aussie. A particular shame considering the Aussies are historically fond of Americans. Heck, they reminded our Marines of themselves during the War.

  39. MarkoMancuso says:

    That’s not a foul word, WordPress moderation thing!

    Anyhow, Assange is a shame to the once proud nation of Australia.

  40. Brad says:

    Obama could applaud Assange for hastening the downfall of the US…I suppose

  41. Son of Bob says:

    He hates America and he’s doing everything he can to hurt America…that would make him a Democrat hero. Perhaps he could run for mayor in a city in California.

  42. Jimmy says:

    I wonder if he works for George Soros.

  43. Ron Rockstar says:

    seanmahair said: “Obama could organize a boycott of Amazon.com which is lending Wikilinks it’s servers. I WAS going to buy the majority of my Christmas presents on line at Amazon this year, but guess what?”

    I don’t think you read the story correctly. Assange isn’t using Amazon’s servers, an American hero is. He is using Amazons servers to DDOS the wikileaks site to prevent folks from getting to it. Thanks “th3j35t3r” (The Jester). Beside that, Obama can’t organize a boycott. He and Hillary are busy organizing their Holiday Circle Jerk.

  44. Nicki says:

    Send Hillary after Assmange.
    Watch hilarity ensue.

  45. Burt says:

    Why would the administration be upset? isn’t this just the promised ‘transparency’?

  46. Johnny_5_is_alive says:

    I must admit I’m kind of enjoying them. I think it’s great to see what I thought about the Middle East and Korea is in general all true and them some.

    The Middle East is begging us to attack Iran…..duh and China is over dealing with North Korea and likes the idea of reunification. If anything it just confirms how weak our Presidents past and present work at being.

    Who’s gonna be angry if we attack Iran? Nobody. Who’s gonna be upset if we attack North Korea? Nobody. Why don’t we attack either of these groups??? Because there is this pretend world we allow ourselves to get caught up in. A world in which talking with our enemies will achieve something, it’s called appeasement and it’s been failing since it’s inception by the river Denial.

    WHAT, we’re spying on people at the UN, THANK GOD! The UN is the equivalent of Mos Eisley Cantina. What the rest of the world isn’t going to take money from us now GREAT!

    Russians now know we really think they SUCK, PERFECT, when did that change any how? Why are we pretending with all these douche bags, let’s give them the bird and say get in line or get stomped.

    Yes it’s that easy because the rest of the world really wants us to KICK YOUR COLLECTIVE ASSES and they’re begging us to do it in most cases.

    Oh and Assange better find himself dead by some mysterious accident pretty damn quick and this UK born American traitor better meet some nationally televised lead.

    Note to US intelligence if you come across some member of the military who listens to Lady Gaga SHOOT THEM.

    Hello world welcome to Diplomatic Idol…. sappy Paula’s not here to make you feel better about your crappy countries. We know our President sucks do you?

  47. Son of Bob says:

    Funny they’ve never leaked Obama’s birth certificate.

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