Nuke the News: Cain in Front, Apologies, and Die Hard Won’t Die

Posted on October 13, 2011 11:00 am

* It’s official: Cain is the front runner!

Still, political analysts don’t really think much of it. Intrade still has Romney near 70% at getting the nomination. The way people figure, everyone hates Romney but also realize he’s electable. So Republicans are going to flirt with nominating someone who doesn’t make them retch, but at the end of the day they’re all going to give into the inevitable and go for the highly polished politician.

But maybe — unexpectedly — the political analysts are wrong again. Plus, there is one big factor here that I don’t think everyone is taking into account enough: Herman Cain is black. Republicans are just sick and tired of the left’s scummy, bad-faith racism charges, and many would probably just love to throw a monkey wrench in that and watch as liberals furrow their brown in confusion about what to do next. If Cain is the nominee, liberals’ charges of racism for not supporting Obama are going to have to get quite… creative.

* Still, lots of people are wary of the 9-9-9 plan from Cain. With taxes, people like simple, but their are other worries. What I think a good tax system needs to be, though, is out in front and in our faces. If there were no withholdings and everyone had to write a check on April 15th for all their federal taxes, taxes would never have gotten this high. With sales tax in this country, it’s added after the purchase, and that’s why you don’t find cities here with 20% sales tax. So Herman Cain, if you’re listening (and why wouldn’t smart people listen to me?), make sure one big part of your plan is that the taxes are in people’s faces constantly. I want people reflecting on the cost of government every day.

* I think Joe Biden is threatening to rape and murder us if the jobs bill isn’t passed. That wacky Joe.

With a really good jobs bills, you’d sell it by focusing on how many jobs it will create. With Obama’s jobs bill, YOU WILL BE RAPED AND MURDERED IF IT ISN’T PASSED!

* Apparently Obama was preparing to apologize to Japan for bombing Hiroshima and Nagasaki, but Japan told him not to. Also, I heard Obama sent condolences to the family of Awlaki. What is this? If you mess with us, we blow you up. If there should be any apologies, it should be from who we attacked, apologizing for making us use expensive bombs. Actually, that should be our policy now. We bomb a country and then the last thing we drop is a bill for the armaments.

* We wanted coherent demands from the Occupy Wall Street protesters, and we got it: Pay for my tuition because I want that. It is a straight-forward, fulfill-able demand. The reasoning behind it — “because I want it” — is a little lacking, but, hey, it’s a start. It’s just the protests have been so incoherent and unfocused, a demand like “Give us free candy!” is a bit of a relief.

* There’s a new Die Hard in the works, and it will be called: “A Good Day to Die Hard.” Isn’t Bruce Willis getting a little old for that, though? Maybe the “Die Hard” part no longer refers to him but to his lawn which survives under the constant assault of kids who won’t stay off it.

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29 Responses to “Nuke the News: Cain in Front, Apologies, and Die Hard Won’t Die”

  1. EdthePastor says:

    CAIN/Norris 2012

    Romney needs to be shipped back to Gilligan’s Island.

    Joe Bideb………

    I’ll pay your tuition. Right after you finish all the chores around here for the next 4 years.

  2. Jimmy says:

    So, the 99% are the “little men” who can’t make it and the 1% are the rich who can.

    Okay. Bye-bye 99%.

  3. Basil says:

    I think they ought to call it “A Die Hard Day’s Night” and have Bruce Willis play Paul’s grandfather. After all, he is very clean.

  4. Hard_Knocks says:

    Romney is not electable: http://jonathanlast.com/2011/08/29/romneys-core-constituency/

  5. zzyzx says:

    Here are the rules of OWS as near as I can understand them. 1. Mindlessly repeat everything the ‘leader’ says, no matter how stupid it may be. 2. Occasionally raise your arms and flutter your fingers, don’t ask me why…just do it!. 3. Be sure and cheer loudly when the leader tells you what you’re indulging in now…is going to replace democracy and capitalism. 4. If the leader says you can have sex with an animal lean over to the left (never to the right) and give that animal next to you a big sloppy kiss. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=My_cNzQGS8E

  6. Son of Bob says:

    “But maybe — unexpectedly — the political analysts are wrong again.”

    So, then Charles Kraphammer was wrong when he kept insisting how “elegant and presidential” Barry Obama was? Wow, who knew.

  7. zzyzx says:

    With taxes, people like simple: I agree with that statement, but I think the tax system we have today is far from simple. In fact it’s damn complicated and confusing. So I kind of like Cain’s plan….because it’s simple.

  8. ussjimmycarter says:

    We should probably apologize to the Nazi’s for all the fire bombs that we dropped on their cities. That was like evil American stuff…or has Obama already done that? Sigh… :( And we are going to elect a dufus to run against him…Romney! Yuck!

  9. Steve H says:

    The MSM’s reaction to Cain is quite predictable: They’ll decide Cain isn’t black (hey, if they can make Bubba Clinton black, they can turn Cain not-black).

  10. DamnCat says:

    @ Basil

    I think they should call it “As I Lay Dying Hard” wherein a dead John MclClain on a slab in a morgue, reflects on all the asses he’s kick,ed over his lifetime.

  11. Larsinkima says:

    Hey, Joe really is the “VICE” president. He even has robots….with missiles, and is threatening to send them out to rape and pillage.

  12. Heineken Skywalker says:

    The new Die Hard franchise will feature Jonathan Lipnicki-in his first grownup role- playing John McLain’s grandson as the robot-dinosaur-riding, renegade police detective who occasionally needs to call upon his cyber-genie sidekick, played by Shaquille O’Neill, to thwart the evil-doing of a bionic villainess played, synthetically, by Heidi Montag.

  13. Iowa Jim says:

    The reasoning behind it — “because I want it” — is a little lacking, but, hey, it’s a start.

    It’s pretty much the reasoning that you get from two- or three-year-olds. You can look forward to it soon, Frank.

  14. zzyzx says:

    Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid new updated ending….. Butch Cassidy: Ready? OK, when we get outside and we get to the horses, whatever happens, just remember one thing… hey, wait a minute.
    Sundance Kid: What?
    Butch Cassidy: You did say Hillary Clinton isn’t going to run for VP, didn’t you?
    Sundance Kid: She said it’s not within the realm of possibility.
    Butch Cassidy: Oh, good. For a moment there I thought we were in trouble.
    [They both run out of the building, only to be met with volleys of rhetoric from all sides from the OWS army]

  15. CrustyB says:

    “A Good Day to Die Hard” refers to the opening-day box office gross.

  16. Crabby Old Bat says:

    “Actually, that should be our policy now. We bomb a country and then the last thing we drop is a bill for the armaments.”

    This could just be Cold War propaganda, but I was taught that back when the Chinese still carried out executions by a shot to the head rather than by lethal injection, the family of the executed criminal was forced to pay for the bullet before they could claim the body for burial. I guess the idea was to reinforce the notion that the family shared in responsibility for the criminal’s actions and his cost to society, thereby adding to the deterrent effect of the death sentence. Bringing shame to your family is still a very big deal in most Asian cultures. Here, of course, the only ones who are supposed to feel ashamed are the knuckle-dragging Neanderthals who support the “barbaric” death penalty.

  17. Crabby Old Bat says:

    Frank: The reasoning behind it — “because I want it” — is a little lacking, but, hey, it’s a start.

    Iowa Jim: It’s pretty much the reasoning that you get from two- or three-year-olds. You can look forward to it soon, Frank.

    I had a sister-in-law who did not believe in being arbitrary with children. She insisted on reasoning with her child and getting the kid’s buy-in on all decisions – from the age of two onward. She would argue for HOURS over something like getting the kid to eat something the kid didn’t want to eat – and guess who always won? The girl entered kindergarten late because they wouldn’t accept kids in diapers, and the girl did not agree with all the reasons toilets are superior to diapers. She WANTED to wear diapers, and to a kid, “because I want to” is the sole position in any argument. (I think the real reason she “wanted” to wear diapers is that her parents really, really, desperately wanted her not to. Control!) Need I bother to add that the kid grew into the most obnoxious, unbearable brat imaginable? At the age of five, she was absolutely convinced that her “opinions” – which began and ended with what she wanted – were of equal value and weight as the opinions of adults (which is exactly what her parents encouraged her to believe). New Age parenting sucks – and produces OWS hippies who have been encouraged to have self-esteem without ever having done anything estimable.

  18. tomg51 says:

    A Good Day to Die Hard sounds like Little Big Man meets Debbie Does Dallas

  19. storm1911 says:

    I am awaiting Hilter Apology Day. Hilter had rights, too, you know. Ask any OWS’er.

  20. Captain Obvious says:

    Wasn’t “Sherriff Joe” the one in charge of making sure funds from the craptastic American Recovery and Reinvestment pork boondoggle prevented officers in Flint, Michigan from being laid off? How does he explain their numbers shrinking if he did his job?

  21. tomg51 says:

    Teachers and policemen aren’t green jobs like firemen are – stopping all that combustion CO2.
    Save the firemen first.

  22. zzyzx says:

    I think we should nuke Iran off the face of the globe…and then apologize for doing the deed. “Wow, did we do that? We’re sorry…we just lost our temper. We couldn’t help ourselves…it’s just that you kept pissing us off.” With a professional apologizer like BO at the helm it would be a chinch to pull off. I see a win-win situation for all…the civilized world would be better off without Iran and BO would be able to do that which he truly excels at…bowing, scraping, and whining.

  23. DamnCat says:

    @ zzyzx

    I think you’re on to something there. In addition to bowing and scraping and whining, Obama is good at the self-righteous indignation: “How can you criticize my military actions? I’m a Nobel Peace Prize winner! You must be a racist!”

    He really could get away with it. Too bad he hates America as much as the Iranians do.

  24. Burmashave says:

    Repeat after me: By fluttering my hands about in the air like a three-year old in an Easter pagent, I signify agreement with everything Leader Frank has said.

  25. blarg says:

    I’m wary of the 9-9-9 plan.

    Not because I necessarily think the plan in itself is bad, but because it opens the door on the national sales tax. One that starts, it will NEVER stop…and at some point in the future a bunch of liberals will twist it to their own purposes and we’ll be right back to our current tax rates PLUS a Federal sales tax on top. I think we need to limit the number of instruments the various governments on this country have to tax us. Every new fee that’s introduced, every new tax that levied, and every new fine that’s assessed is an opening which in time will become another unreasonable burden on the American people.

    It also opens up all kinds of shell games that can be played with tax rates….we’ll raise one tax, and lower another….then raise it, then lower something else…until nobody really knows what they’re paying.

    I’m all for a flat income tax, but no national sales tax that just invites political shenanigans.

  26. Corona says:

    Would the people who voted in 2010 vote for Romney? Methinks ‘no’.

  27. 4of7 says:

    Mr. Cain, go with a “9 – 9″ plan for now, and hold off on the sales tax bit until you see how that works out.
    Let’s see… 9% corporate tax rate, which the businesses will pass on to the consumers like they always do + a 9% personal tax rate = 18% flat tax rate for everyone.
    Actually, I think that might just work!

  28. ussjimmycarter says:

    I’m worried that 999 will become 20,20,20 within about 5 years!

  29. Jimmy says:

    Well, let’s write Cain a letter and advocate the repealing of the 16th Amendment (Income Tax). Maybe, as a Constitutionalist, he’ll back that idea. If not, we’ll throw him out with the bathwater and vote for Ron Paul!

    OMG! What did I just say?

    Actually, the one Cain position I’m not happy with is his response about what to do about the FED. “Make it do what it was supposed to… regulate the supply of money and nothing else.” or words to that effect.

    We need a United States Central Bank chartered as an accountable, publicly-owned institution of the United States. And unless we change our Constitution, it would have no authority to print currency.

    Gee, I sound like Ron Paul, except I don’t shriek.

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