Straight Line of the Day: Now That The Military Will Allow Women in Combat Roles…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Now that the military will allow women in combat roles…
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January 25th, 2013 at 12:04 pm
Foxholes will have to be renamed.
January 25th, 2013 at 12:05 pm
…Going ‘Commando’ will no longer be permitted.
January 25th, 2013 at 12:06 pm
…The barracks/tent/quarters will start to smell like ‘The Body Shop.’
January 25th, 2013 at 12:06 pm
…Biden is re-upping.
January 25th, 2013 at 12:10 pm
…other Pre-Marital Prep courses will not be required.
January 25th, 2013 at 12:12 pm
…Barry can go from hiding behind children to hiding behind women.
January 25th, 2013 at 12:15 pm
Individual combat units might declare war on someone about once per month.
January 25th, 2013 at 12:17 pm
…commercials for feminine hygine products during war movies won’t seem as out of place as they used to.
January 25th, 2013 at 12:24 pm
Our front line troops will finally have someone to make them a sammich!
January 25th, 2013 at 12:27 pm
….guys can get back to their true calling of drinking beer and watching football
January 25th, 2013 at 12:30 pm
Honey Boo Boo will have a chance to carry her notoriety into adult life.
January 25th, 2013 at 12:32 pm
Boobs won’t be just at the top of the chain of command.
January 25th, 2013 at 12:33 pm
….we’re just one step closer to a new reality TV show.
January 25th, 2013 at 12:34 pm
…tail gunner jokes will be be cause for court martial, even for civilians.
…this is my rifle, this is my vajayjay will be heard in the next Tom Hanks movie. Probably said by Matt Damon.
January 25th, 2013 at 12:35 pm
It will really increase our military effectiveness by giving troops on the front lines increased physical capacity, less distractions, reduced unit tensions, simpler logistics, and less danger of brutal personal attacks at the hand of the enemey.
Oh wait, it’ll actually do the opposite of all that. Well, at least it will make some hairy legged feminists (who have no intention of ever even being near the military) happy.
January 25th, 2013 at 12:36 pm
and yes, I do actually know how to spell “enemy”…
January 25th, 2013 at 12:46 pm
. . . Hollywood will have a fit of ecstasy as they can now expand War movies to show more women.
January 25th, 2013 at 12:47 pm
. . . more of the Metrosexuals can evade serving in combat.
January 25th, 2013 at 12:48 pm
. . . battles will occur in cycles.
January 25th, 2013 at 12:50 pm
. . . whole new meaning to “Drop and give me twenty”.
January 25th, 2013 at 12:51 pm
It’ll put new meaning in that old phrase…”Ah yer mudda wears combat boots!”
January 25th, 2013 at 12:56 pm
..there will be more front line visits by Bill Clinton
January 25th, 2013 at 1:01 pm
. . . The Dirty Dozen will be re-filmed, with Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, Helen Thomas and Michelle Obama assuming the combat roles of Lee Marvin, Ernest Borgnine, Charles Bronson and James Brown, respectively. [You have to admit they are WAY scarier than the originals.]
January 25th, 2013 at 1:03 pm
A bloated, mean, fightin’ machine. [Shamelessly stolen from Carrie Snow.]
January 25th, 2013 at 1:07 pm
…there will be more interest in “plausible deniability” when units return from the field.
January 25th, 2013 at 1:12 pm
…a new Corps will be formed with 28 divisions called the PMS Corps. Each will fight in rotation to maintain “maximum bitchy readiness”.
January 25th, 2013 at 1:15 pm
Women will play a significant role in the coming Civil War! That why Obama wants them. If given the chance the Lib Gals will go FREEKIN BESERK!
That because Commie-Socialist-Liberal women will have NO problem at all launching unwarranted multiple warhead missile attacks on Christian Civilian areas (and whole states) that do not support Communism, Obamunism, Emperor Obama or President Hillary Rodham.
January 25th, 2013 at 1:30 pm
… Hillary is shipping out with the next batallion, because “What does it matter?”
January 25th, 2013 at 1:31 pm
…there will be no concessions to ability, no lowering of standards of performance, except “he was almost dead” and “but there was a spider in there” and “the terrorist left the toilet seat up” are legitimate excuses for mission failure.
…the fact that every minute a woman spends in combat conditions makes her the perfect bloodthirsty tireless man killing machine a good thing.
January 25th, 2013 at 1:36 pm
….we will have commercial spin-offs of Various Other Military items,such-as :
Dual-Use Kotex, for when you need a campfire starter and nothing else is around…..
NAPALM-brand Moisturizer for hot and soft, pleasurable skin…..
Old Navy-brand Birth-Control pills, for Every Kind of Voyage…….
G I Jane-brand Swim-Wear, endorsed by Demi, her-own-self….with the Female SEAL of Approval……..
(On a serious note, why did we wait until iraq was behind us and Afghanistan is about to be, to endorse this policy.
Who would it have hurt to do it on 1/21/2009?)
January 25th, 2013 at 2:23 pm
Obama finally has a way to remove Hillary from her post.
January 25th, 2013 at 2:44 pm
…it IS possible for Muslim men to be even more humiliated when we kick their asses.
…bring your daughter to work day means lower mortality rate for Chicago children.
January 25th, 2013 at 3:34 pm
…male soldiers will get shot while glancing at their bent-over female couterparts.
January 25th, 2013 at 3:48 pm
Bill Clinton is bucking for a military secretary cabinet position.
January 25th, 2013 at 5:18 pm
…the silent treatment is now being considered a valid military tactic.
January 25th, 2013 at 5:20 pm
The WNBA will be the butt of significantly fewer jokes
The company that makes those Hello Kitty AR15s will finally get that lucrative military contact
The feminists can finally get back to hating the military for all the right reasons
The feminists have announced their next target – those sexist “men” signs on bathroom doors. Why should only MEN be allowed in there?
January 25th, 2013 at 5:20 pm
*as* a valid military tactic.
January 25th, 2013 at 5:47 pm
This will give those Militant Feminists access to better weapons than any legal-minded Right Wing Civillian will possess when the war comes against those silly Conservatives.
January 25th, 2013 at 6:16 pm
Now that the military will allow women in combat roles…..The next change will include “the 1st Battalion Transvestite Brigade Airborne Wing, parachuting in..with fantastic make-up!” (nods to Eddie Izzard)
January 25th, 2013 at 6:18 pm
…They’re going to remake “An Officer and a Gentlemen” with Debra Winger carrying Richard Gere off at the end.
January 25th, 2013 at 6:25 pm
…dog tags will be issued in 14kt gold on a herringbone chain, available in 18″ or 20″‘ lengths.
January 25th, 2013 at 6:27 pm
…..the term “Breeching the Dyke” has a WHOLE new meaning.
January 25th, 2013 at 7:50 pm
The term “MANPAD” will become … confusing.
January 25th, 2013 at 8:56 pm
… the person asking, “Does this make me look fat?” will be armed
January 25th, 2013 at 9:37 pm
CarolyntheSoldierMommy for the win!
(Don’t point that at me, it’s got a nail on it!)
January 26th, 2013 at 10:48 am
…the term MOAB will actually work even better.
…the movie “G.I. Jane” will suck for one less reason.
January 26th, 2013 at 12:39 pm
. . . gives the launch warning “White Rocket” an entirely new meaning.
January 26th, 2013 at 2:01 pm
That banging at the front lines is not necessarily the sounds of explosive ordinance.
January 26th, 2013 at 3:48 pm
…Buck the Marine can return to finish his primary mission, killing foreigners without waiting for orders.
…Ms. Magazine will have a soldier and the quote “Give me liberty or give me more comfortable boots” on the cover right before being raided by the irony police.
…letting Janeane Garofalo enlist will be a war crime.
…D-Day will be erased from history and replaced with Deloris Shot Him In The Face Day.
January 27th, 2013 at 11:49 am
…all wars will end…AT THE WRONG TIME OF THE MONTH!
January 28th, 2013 at 7:20 pm
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