Straight Line of the Day: The Most Awkward Moment at Chuck Hagel’s Defense Secretary Confirmation Hearing…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The most awkward moment at Chuck Hagel’s Defense Secretary confirmation hearing…
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February 4th, 2013 at 12:07 pm
…was when he finally noticed he wasn’t wearing pants.
February 4th, 2013 at 12:08 pm
was Hillary mumbling in the back of the hall, “What does it matter?”
all those joos, flaunting their political power.
will be when the senate confirms him anyway.
February 4th, 2013 at 12:09 pm
…was his request for a lunch break: “Jew eat?” “No. Jew?”
February 4th, 2013 at 12:23 pm
…was when he demonstrated his military acumen in a song.
February 4th, 2013 at 12:27 pm
Was when we realized that Chuck Hagel had a Defense Secretary Confirmation Hearing…
February 4th, 2013 at 12:27 pm
There has to only be one minute?
Well then, it was when Chuckles woke up that day ….about 10 minutes after he left the hearing room……….
February 4th, 2013 at 12:30 pm
When he was handed a note from an aide explaining that he had mispronounced his name.
February 4th, 2013 at 12:34 pm
… was “The
PolesIranian people are independent and autonomous and have territorial integrity, and the US does not conceded that they are under domination.”February 4th, 2013 at 12:44 pm
…was his announcement of a new weapons technology called the “killer joke,” which he said he’d seen in a documentary a few years ago.
February 4th, 2013 at 12:45 pm
… was whenever hagel spoke.
February 4th, 2013 at 12:51 pm
The most awkward moment at Chuck Hagel’s Defense Secretary confirmation hearing was when Sen. Carl Levin groaned, shook his head and remarked, “Aw, jeez… That’s going to end up on IMAO for sure.”
February 4th, 2013 at 12:51 pm
..was when he said he use the methods of the Spanish Inquisition on detainees.
February 4th, 2013 at 12:53 pm
…was when a drunk John McCain told Hagel that Obama could never love him the way he did.
February 4th, 2013 at 12:55 pm
The most awkward moment at Chuck Hagel’s Defense Secretary confirmation hearing was when he answered the question about President Obama’s containment policy with, “Hey…Who put a baloney sandwich in my pocket?!!”
February 4th, 2013 at 12:57 pm
…was when a pair of souvenir Dominican Republic panties given to him by his buddy Senator Robert Menendez fell out of his pocket…
February 4th, 2013 at 12:58 pm
…was when he could not provide an answer to the question “Which of you is dumber, you or Joe Biden…?”
February 4th, 2013 at 12:58 pm
The most awkward moment at Chuck Hagel’s Defense Secretary confirmation hearing…was Sen. Mike Lee asking him to prove he could spell USMC.
February 4th, 2013 at 1:02 pm
….was when Hagel walked in with a cut out letter D and a cut out picket fence.
February 4th, 2013 at 1:03 pm
The most awkward moment at Chuck Hagel’s Defense Secretary confirmation hearing…was how he kept playing with his plastic green army men throughout the hearing.
February 4th, 2013 at 1:05 pm
…was when Hagel thought the Joint Chiefs of Staff referred to drug cartels.
February 4th, 2013 at 1:06 pm
The most awkward moment at Chuck Hagel’s Defense Secretary confirmation hearing…was Sen. Mike Lee asking him to prove he could spell USMC. …and Sen. McCaskill asked the committee chair if it’d be okay for the nominee to give just a partial spelling and submit the rest of the response in writing.
February 4th, 2013 at 1:08 pm
…was when he kept stopping mid-sentence to yell, “Look, a squirrel!”
February 4th, 2013 at 1:09 pm
The most awkward moment at Chuck Hagel’s Defense Secretary confirmation hearing…was when Hagel asked the committe chair if he could “Go to the little general’s room to shake hands with his privates.”
February 4th, 2013 at 1:16 pm
The most awkward moment at Chuck Hagel’s Defense Secretary confirmation hearing…was how after every answer Hagel slapped a big red “Easy” button.
February 4th, 2013 at 1:17 pm
…When he said “I hate Israel, and love Iran..uh what? This was the Secretary of Defense hearing? I prepped all my answers for the Secretary of State Job!”
February 4th, 2013 at 1:19 pm
The most awkward moment at Chuck Hagel’s Defense Secretary confirmation hearing…was when he introduced his personal staff to the committee as “Comrades Cho Sing, Machamedjin Abbattani, and Yurev Chavo.”
February 4th, 2013 at 1:21 pm
The most awkward moment at Chuck Hagel’s Defense Secretary confirmation hearing…was hearing him recite the Pledge of Allegiance in perfect Mandarin.
February 4th, 2013 at 1:21 pm
…was when zombie Neville Chamberlain shambled into the room as his adviser.
…the confusing start when he showed up wearing the same pants suit Hillary wore at her testimony.
…was John Effin Kerry’s snide comment that Hagel’s white flag clashed with his pink tutu. Kerry then posed with his own fashion statement of “No! No! No! This is not a surrender flag, it’s a handkerchief on a stick”.
February 4th, 2013 at 1:22 pm
The most awkward moment at Chuck Hagel’s Defense Secretary confirmation hearing…was hearing the spectators in the gallery chant, “We want a Death Star. We want a Death Star. We want a Death Star…”
February 4th, 2013 at 1:24 pm
The most awkward moment at Chuck Hagel’s Defense Secretary confirmation hearing…was when he said his choice for Secretary of the Navy is the President of NAMBLA.
February 4th, 2013 at 1:32 pm
The most awkward moment at Chuck Hagel’s Defense Secretary confirmation hearing…was when he insisted that it’s impossible for a metal ship to float.
February 4th, 2013 at 1:35 pm
The most awkward moment at Chuck Hagel’s Defense Secretary confirmation hearing…was him saying that as a Senator he practically worshipped the Pentagram.
February 4th, 2013 at 1:41 pm
…was when his face went blank and people gasped, “It’s full of stars!”
February 4th, 2013 at 1:59 pm
… when asked why he most wanted to be Secretary of Defense, Hagel replied, “Because of my life-long love of chain link and barbed wire.”
February 4th, 2013 at 2:28 pm
…was when he kept raising his arms in the air and screaming, “SERENITY NOW!!!”
February 4th, 2013 at 2:29 pm
…was his rolling the two ball bearings around in his hand muttering something about who ate the strawberries.
February 4th, 2013 at 2:30 pm
…was his profound knowledge of Vogon poetry.
February 4th, 2013 at 2:32 pm
…was when he performed the Star Spangled Banner completely via Flatuence… the high notes were specktacular.
February 4th, 2013 at 2:33 pm
…was his unexpected Gungan accent
February 4th, 2013 at 2:36 pm
…when faced with a question he couldn’t answer, responded, “What do you mean, African or European?”
February 4th, 2013 at 2:42 pm
… When he absentmindedly started listing all the reasons for why we should annex Poland
… When Barney Frank asked him if he told him he had a beautiful body if he’d hold it against him
… When his answers made Caitlin Upton sound intelligent
February 4th, 2013 at 2:50 pm
… Constantly having to explain to him that the 5th amendment does not apply in Senate confirmation hearings since he wasn’t on trial, but he just kept insisting that he was just following orders.
February 4th, 2013 at 2:52 pm
. . . was the moment at which he put his hands over his ears and shouted over and over, “I can’t hear you!”
February 4th, 2013 at 2:54 pm
…was when HE introduced John Kerry and Joe Biden, as his brother Darryl, and his other brother Darryl.
February 4th, 2013 at 3:08 pm
…when he ‘fell’ out of his chair and faked a concussion.
February 4th, 2013 at 3:42 pm
…was Obama holding a shotgun and reminding everyone that if he had a son all white people would look like skeet to him, especially Republicans.
…was when John Kerry served him with a copyright suit for mentioning that he had served in Vietnam.
…came when he explained to McCain the difference between a homeless guy sleeping in dumpsters and a sniper shooting space aliens in the alley behind the Chinese restaurant with his ray gun and besides what difference does it make if Martians died?
February 4th, 2013 at 4:09 pm
…was when he claimed that his “Jewish lobby” remark was in reference to the waiting room at his gastroenterologist’s office.
February 4th, 2013 at 4:45 pm
… was when he promised his first order of business would be to put down the Wuss Skeet Rebellion.
February 4th, 2013 at 4:46 pm
… was when he said he loves to see women in combat positions, and winked.
February 4th, 2013 at 4:48 pm
… was when he started his testimony by introducing himself as Chuck, via “The Name Game” song.
February 4th, 2013 at 5:21 pm
When they asked him on his views of Military Psy-Ops he started dancing Gangnam style.
February 4th, 2013 at 6:12 pm
. . . was when he responded to “Why do you consider yourself a Republican?” with “Because I want to get elected”.
February 4th, 2013 at 7:06 pm
… when Paula Broadwell started sexting him.
February 5th, 2013 at 11:11 am
…was when he started answering in “gansta” to look tough.
…was the flurry of text messages he kept getting from Ahmadinejad.
…was when, after a particularly tough question, he pleaded the Fifth.
…was when he yelled ‘hoohaa’ after each answer and pumped his fist.
…was after mention was made of the destruction of Israel he started groping himself.
February 5th, 2013 at 3:22 pm
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