Straight Line of the Day: To Fill the Doctor Shortage Caused by Obamacare, California…

Posted on February 13, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

To fill the doctor shortage caused by Obamacare, California

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87 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: To Fill the Doctor Shortage Caused by Obamacare, California…”

  1. can of spam says:

    … drops certification requirements to allow anyone who’s seen reruns of “ER” to practice medicine.

  2. rodney dill says:

    …the U.S will employ used Iranian space monkeys.

  3. can of spam says:

    … forcibly drafts all actors to have ever played a doctor in a movie or on TV into service.

  4. rodney dill says:

    …turn in your gun… get a certified doctor’s license.

  5. AwesometificAmerican says:

    …include Dr. Dre and Dr. J as medical doctors.

  6. rodney dill says:

    …the current illegal aliens granted amnesty will need some form of gainful employment.

  7. rodney dill says:

    …will use the rack… to make them taller.

  8. rodney dill says:

    …will license tatoo parlors to practice medicine.

  9. Jimmy says:

    …will allow anyone to be their OWN doctor providing they pay a 75% income tax to the bankrupt state.

  10. rodney dill says:

    @#2 or … will employ used Iranian space monkeys.
    (for just California)

  11. rodney dill says:

    … will have participating in San Fran’s gay pride parade qualify as a proctological exam.

  12. Marc says:

    Every box of Band-aids sold in CA now comes with an official medical license printed right on the box.
    Reviving the ancient practice of the Barber Surgeon
    Since Vetrinarians know how to treat so many species of animals why not just let them treat humans too? (actually a good friend of mine is a large animal DVM who was a medic in the Army and is also an EMT. I would trust him treating any medical emergency I might encounter more than some ER doctors that I have encountered.)

  13. SkyWatch says:

    …will raise taxes on doctors (and everyone else.)

  14. Apostic says:

    …will pledge to play doctor more often.

  15. FormerHostage says:

    …Governer Brown gave a speech stating that California had no shortage of doctors. Problem solved!

  16. Scott says:

    …now allows anyone that clicks on a “University of Phoenix” popup ad to be a Doctor.

  17. Apostic says:

    …will be funding new medical schools, like the ones recently opened by doctors Clampet and Boudine.

  18. FormerHostage says:

    …the legislation passed a law that requires the state to have more doctors by 2015.

  19. James says:

    . . . eliminate the “turn your head and cough” procedure for liberal patients since they don’t have any . . . well, you know.

  20. FormerHostage says:

    …closed numerous hospitals and clinics, moving those employees to others and now claims that all existing hospitals and clinics are now fully staffed!

  21. FormerHostage says:

    …reclassified pole dancing as a breast exam.

  22. FredKey says:

    …will host a visit from Japan’s Finance Minister to encourage older citizens to “just give it up already.”

  23. artvol11 says:

    …call back Former Governor Termin… I mean Schwarzenegger to help there newly founded “assisted suicide” department.

  24. FormerHostage says:

    …began construction of the new ‘Soylent Green’ distribution complex in downtown L.A.

  25. Apostic says:

    …will take the approach that restricting who may practice medicine is a form of discrimiation, so from now on everyone will be allowed to legally practice medicine. Also, everyone will now be paying malpractice insurance.

  26. Apostic says:

    …will be producing a wacky new game show called The Death Panel Is Right.

  27. FormerHostage says:

    …issued each citizen a blue pill and a red pill.

  28. FormerHostage says:

    …enacted new regulations to combat Global Climate Change.

  29. rodney dill says:

    @Apostic #26 – I think Beat The Reaper has already been done.
    ;)

  30. rodney dill says:

    …will broadcast public service announcements like — “Getting some youth in Asia, doesn’t just mean a fun trip to Thailand.”

  31. Doug says:

    … will start giving illegal aliens doctor licenses along with their driver’s license.

  32. Apostic says:

    @29 rodney dill : Heh. Had some stuff from the flip side of that album stuck in my head yesterday. “Hi, I’m Gabby the Sacred Cow – boy and this reminds me very little of the time I was sent to clean up all the bad karma in Artful Dodge City….”

  33. Jimmy says:

    …will bring back the show, “Family Feud” and require loaded firearms on the set.

  34. Mythilt says:

    Will institute a new requirement that anyone over the age of 31, excluding actors and politicians, take part in a community service called “renewal”.

  35. Son of Bob says:

    …will increase taxes on doctors, of course.

  36. DamnCat says:

    …will designate marijuana dealers as primary care physicians.

  37. DamnCat says:

    …allow veterinarians to treat humans by designating humans as monkeys.

  38. Cliff says:

    …will shoot up ‘House’ with amphetimines and hire him to brainstorm it…..

  39. tomg51 says:

    …is directing patients to be guests on TV hospital dramas.

  40. Crabby Old Bat says:

    . . . will pass legislation requiring every insurer to provide free access to healing crystals, magnetic bracelets, green coffee beans and acai berries.

    . . . will enact the Dream MD Act, providing free medical education to the children of undocumented guest workers.

    . . . will triple taxes on cigarettes, because smokers get sick a lot.

    . . . will enact a steep “sin tax” on sugary foods and drinks, because fatties get sick a lot.

  41. Marc says:

    …create a new state lottery and if your number comes up then your number IS up if ya’ know what I mean. Of course the state legislature will exempt themselves.

  42. jw says:

    …will tell doctors that they may never retire

  43. Fangbeer says:

    Three words: Illness free zones.

  44. a guy named Rob says:

    …is having a “buy a Chevy volt – get a medical license free” sales event

    … will provide a roll of duct tape to every resident, because duct tape fixes anything

    …will spend 20% of their tax revenue on fixing the roads leading to Oregon and Nevada, since that’s where the doctors are heading

    …will run Jesse “the Body” Ventura for governor next term with the motto ” I ain’t got time to bleed, and neither do you!”

    …will create a you tube channels called “simple surgery for home” and “diagnosis for dummies”

    …will do nothing as the general population is “de-optimized” , as this is part of their reduction in long term health care cost plan

    …will begin a government structure where everyone wears black shirts with a wide gray horizontal strip across their chest, and at age 21 the crystal in their hand turns red, and they’re sent to a “sleep shop” unless they try to run to “sanctuary”

  45. Special Ed says:

    Offer paid internships for aspiring undertakers and medical examiners.

  46. tomg51 says:

    ..will add Obamacare II, III, & IV ….. until prices come down and doctors are plentiful.

  47. Writer says:

    . . . will hold an annual “Draft” by all hospitals.

  48. Tin Man says:

    They are hiring displaced Acorn workers to take over billing to insurance companies. They have also hired death row inmates to help decide if your mom should be treated for life threatening illnesses.

  49. Matt Musson says:

    Mated Watson and Siri and created a medicine app for your Iphone!

  50. Dohtimes says:

    …will issue all death panel members an assault rifle and a homie to drive the lowrider for those who won’t die their fair share.

  51. Dohtimes says:

    …now offers Pay-per-view breast exams.

    …will make Garrett Morris yell at your kidney stones.

    …has moved to Cuba.

    …has allowed San Francisco doctors to wear fists during exams.

  52. Tau Dades says:

    …will only allow illegal immigrants to receive health care.

  53. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . is extending an invitation to Julius “Dr. J” Erving to move there; they wanted Dr. Seuss, as well, but gave up when they were informed that he’s dead –
    every cell of his body disrupted.

  54. CarolyntheMommy says:

    … will continue doing what it’s doing: running everyone out of the state to Nevada and Arizona.

    … declaring all the sick people ‘healthy’.

  55. Oppo says:

    … has hinted that Sports Illustrated swimsuit models and Playboy bunnies are feeling not so hot anymore.

  56. Oppo says:

    … will call the Surgeon General on the field telephone and yell “Medic!”

  57. Oppo says:

    …will hire more spin doctors. Kill two birds with one stone.

  58. Oppo says:

    … will get more dentists off the plaque market.

  59. Oppo says:

    … will ask actors what to do. Is there anything they don’t know?

  60. Oppo says:

    … wrote itself a proscription, which is something it’s good at.

  61. Oppo says:

    … asked a bunch of Jewish mothers how to find an available doctor.

  62. Oppo says:

    … dropped hints [this is a pretty gross one] in San Francisco that doctors get *paid* to use rectal thermometers.

  63. blarg says:

    …will chase anyone capable of affording medical care out of the state by raising their taxes until they leave.

    …will start deploying unmarked vans that abduct vagrants off the streets, dress them in lab coats and give them stethoscopes and licenses to practice medicine.

    …will start a “guns for medical license” giveaway

  64. Jimmy says:

    @56: That did it. Bacon!

  65. Oppo says:

    @63: “…will start a “guns for medical license” giveaway” – Blarg

    “Sawbucks for sawbones”

  66. Oppo says:

    … asked Valerie Jarrett how the White House manages to conjure up so many, out of thin air, every time there’s a photo op for ObamaCare.

  67. Dohtimes says:

    …will let anyone with a windowless van buy candy with food stamps and become a pediatrician.

    …will no longer pay hookers to be petri dishes, use money to buy bananas for monkey hits the knee with a hammer test.

    …promises doctors that they have permission to order seX-ray test before patient gets undressed.

    …paid Chaz Bono a billion dollars to become a doctor, treat self.

  68. Oppo says:

    … will go through their binders full of women doctors and hire some of them.

  69. frogmouth says:

    …has passed a law making it illegal to get sick. Unless you’re an “undocumented worker” then it’s totally chill, ese. Free health care over here, yo.

  70. CTCompromise says:

    …closed all national chain book stores and requested help From “Doctors Without Borders”.

  71. CTCompromise says:

    To fill the doctor shortage caused by Obamacare, California…got an exemption to Obamacare because they are all VERY big financial contributors to the D.N.C.

  72. CTCompromise says:

    To fill the doctor shortage caused by Obamacare, California…forced all plastic surgeons to do a day of “community service” in an E.R.

  73. CTCompromise says:

    ….sent out carts hauled by people yelling “Bring Out Your Dead”.

  74. CTCompromise says:

    ……requested drone strikes.

  75. Jimmy says:

    …started showing clips of Charles Dickens “A Christmas Carol” on TV where Scrooge says,

    “If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population of California.”

    (That last part was dubbed-in by me, a George C. Scott sound-alike.)

  76. Crabby Old Bat says:

    @ Marc #41: Where’s the hat tip to Shirley Jackson?

    http://www.americanliterature.com/author/shirley-jackson/short-story/the-lottery

  77. GrandLarsenE says:

    Will simply outlaw sickness. Problem solved.

  78. Max says:

    Will be fast tracking all applications for those wishing to open a leech farm

  79. Dpdawg says:

    Import all those awesome Doctors from Cuba

  80. Dpdawg says:

    Use an overseas call center to direct patients to do their own surgery

  81. RAML says:

    will make your next Dr or Emergency visit like something along the line of a trip to Golden Coral or what ever your local self serve restaurants is called. Just grab what you want and have it installed by the illegal on the left.

  82. Writer says:

    . . . will offer Medical Licenses instead of money to Lottery Winners.

  83. Writer says:

    . . . offer Internet Courses for medical degrees.

  84. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …is trying to clone Neil Patrick Harris in order to create an army of Doogie Housers in a couple of years.

  85. rodney dill says:

    @CTCompromise #74

    ……requested drone strikes.

    …when the only tool you have is a hammer, all problems look like a nail.

  86. rodney dill says:

    …prescribed reading IMAO (laughter is the best medicine)

  87. IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! links:

    [...] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “To fill the doctor shortage caused by Obamacare, California…” [...]

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