Straight Line of the Day: To Fill the Doctor Shortage Caused by Obamacare, California…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

To fill the doctor shortage caused by Obamacare, California

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87 Comments

  1. Every box of Band-aids sold in CA now comes with an official medical license printed right on the box.
    Reviving the ancient practice of the Barber Surgeon
    Since Vetrinarians know how to treat so many species of animals why not just let them treat humans too? (actually a good friend of mine is a large animal DVM who was a medic in the Army and is also an EMT. I would trust him treating any medical emergency I might encounter more than some ER doctors that I have encountered.)

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  2. . . . eliminate the “turn your head and cough” procedure for liberal patients since they don’t have any . . . well, you know.

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  3. …closed numerous hospitals and clinics, moving those employees to others and now claims that all existing hospitals and clinics are now fully staffed!

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  4. …call back Former Governor Termin… I mean Schwarzenegger to help there newly founded “assisted suicide” department.

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  5. …will take the approach that restricting who may practice medicine is a form of discrimiation, so from now on everyone will be allowed to legally practice medicine. Also, everyone will now be paying malpractice insurance.

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  6. @29 rodney dill : Heh. Had some stuff from the flip side of that album stuck in my head yesterday. “Hi, I’m Gabby the Sacred Cow – boy and this reminds me very little of the time I was sent to clean up all the bad karma in Artful Dodge City….”

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  7. Will institute a new requirement that anyone over the age of 31, excluding actors and politicians, take part in a community service called “renewal”.

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  8. . . . will pass legislation requiring every insurer to provide free access to healing crystals, magnetic bracelets, green coffee beans and acai berries.

    . . . will enact the Dream MD Act, providing free medical education to the children of undocumented guest workers.

    . . . will triple taxes on cigarettes, because smokers get sick a lot.

    . . . will enact a steep “sin tax” on sugary foods and drinks, because fatties get sick a lot.

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  9. …create a new state lottery and if your number comes up then your number IS up if ya’ know what I mean. Of course the state legislature will exempt themselves.

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  10. …is having a “buy a Chevy volt – get a medical license free” sales event

    … will provide a roll of duct tape to every resident, because duct tape fixes anything

    …will spend 20% of their tax revenue on fixing the roads leading to Oregon and Nevada, since that’s where the doctors are heading

    …will run Jesse “the Body” Ventura for governor next term with the motto ” I ain’t got time to bleed, and neither do you!”

    …will create a you tube channels called “simple surgery for home” and “diagnosis for dummies”

    …will do nothing as the general population is “de-optimized” , as this is part of their reduction in long term health care cost plan

    …will begin a government structure where everyone wears black shirts with a wide gray horizontal strip across their chest, and at age 21 the crystal in their hand turns red, and they’re sent to a “sleep shop” unless they try to run to “sanctuary”

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  11. They are hiring displaced Acorn workers to take over billing to insurance companies. They have also hired death row inmates to help decide if your mom should be treated for life threatening illnesses.

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  12. …will issue all death panel members an assault rifle and a homie to drive the lowrider for those who won’t die their fair share.

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  13. …now offers Pay-per-view breast exams.

    …will make Garrett Morris yell at your kidney stones.

    …has moved to Cuba.

    …has allowed San Francisco doctors to wear fists during exams.

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  14. . . . is extending an invitation to Julius “Dr. J” Erving to move there; they wanted Dr. Seuss, as well, but gave up when they were informed that he’s dead –
    every cell of his body disrupted.

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  15. … will continue doing what it’s doing: running everyone out of the state to Nevada and Arizona.

    … declaring all the sick people ‘healthy’.

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  16. … dropped hints [this is a pretty gross one] in San Francisco that doctors get *paid* to use rectal thermometers.

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  17. …will chase anyone capable of affording medical care out of the state by raising their taxes until they leave.

    …will start deploying unmarked vans that abduct vagrants off the streets, dress them in lab coats and give them stethoscopes and licenses to practice medicine.

    …will start a “guns for medical license” giveaway

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  18. @63: “‚Ķwill start a ‚Äúguns for medical license‚ÄĚ giveaway” – Blarg

    “Sawbucks for sawbones”

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  19. … asked Valerie Jarrett how the White House manages to conjure up so many, out of thin air, every time there’s a photo op for ObamaCare.

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  20. …will let anyone with a windowless van buy candy with food stamps and become a pediatrician.

    …will no longer pay hookers to be petri dishes, use money to buy bananas for monkey hits the knee with a hammer test.

    …promises doctors that they have permission to order seX-ray test before patient gets undressed.

    …paid Chaz Bono a billion dollars to become a doctor, treat self.

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  21. …has passed a law making it illegal to get sick. Unless you’re an “undocumented worker” then it’s totally chill, ese. Free health care over here, yo.

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  22. To fill the doctor shortage caused by Obamacare, California…got an exemption to Obamacare because they are all VERY big financial contributors to the D.N.C.

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  23. To fill the doctor shortage caused by Obamacare, California‚Ķforced all plastic surgeons to do a day of “community service” in an E.R.

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  24. …started showing clips of Charles Dickens “A Christmas Carol” on TV where Scrooge says,

    “If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population of California.‚ÄĚ

    (That last part was dubbed-in by me, a George C. Scott sound-alike.)

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  25. will make your next Dr or Emergency visit like something along the line of a trip to Golden Coral or what ever your local self serve restaurants is called. Just grab what you want and have it installed by the illegal on the left.

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  26. …is trying to clone Neil Patrick Harris in order to create an army of Doogie Housers in a couple of years.

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  27. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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