Straight Line of the Day: To Fill the Doctor Shortage Caused by Obamacare, California…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

To fill the doctor shortage caused by Obamacare, California

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  1. Every box of Band-aids sold in CA now comes with an official medical license printed right on the box.
    Reviving the ancient practice of the Barber Surgeon
    Since Vetrinarians know how to treat so many species of animals why not just let them treat humans too? (actually a good friend of mine is a large animal DVM who was a medic in the Army and is also an EMT. I would trust him treating any medical emergency I might encounter more than some ER doctors that I have encountered.)

  2. …will take the approach that restricting who may practice medicine is a form of discrimiation, so from now on everyone will be allowed to legally practice medicine. Also, everyone will now be paying malpractice insurance.

  3. @29 rodney dill : Heh. Had some stuff from the flip side of that album stuck in my head yesterday. “Hi, I’m Gabby the Sacred Cow – boy and this reminds me very little of the time I was sent to clean up all the bad karma in Artful Dodge City….”

  4. . . . will pass legislation requiring every insurer to provide free access to healing crystals, magnetic bracelets, green coffee beans and acai berries.

    . . . will enact the Dream MD Act, providing free medical education to the children of undocumented guest workers.

    . . . will triple taxes on cigarettes, because smokers get sick a lot.

    . . . will enact a steep “sin tax” on sugary foods and drinks, because fatties get sick a lot.

  5. …is having a “buy a Chevy volt – get a medical license free” sales event

    … will provide a roll of duct tape to every resident, because duct tape fixes anything

    …will spend 20% of their tax revenue on fixing the roads leading to Oregon and Nevada, since that’s where the doctors are heading

    …will run Jesse “the Body” Ventura for governor next term with the motto ” I ain’t got time to bleed, and neither do you!”

    …will create a you tube channels called “simple surgery for home” and “diagnosis for dummies”

    …will do nothing as the general population is “de-optimized” , as this is part of their reduction in long term health care cost plan

    …will begin a government structure where everyone wears black shirts with a wide gray horizontal strip across their chest, and at age 21 the crystal in their hand turns red, and they’re sent to a “sleep shop” unless they try to run to “sanctuary”

  6. They are hiring displaced Acorn workers to take over billing to insurance companies. They have also hired death row inmates to help decide if your mom should be treated for life threatening illnesses.

  7. . . . is extending an invitation to Julius “Dr. J” Erving to move there; they wanted Dr. Seuss, as well, but gave up when they were informed that he’s dead –
    every cell of his body disrupted.

  8. …will chase anyone capable of affording medical care out of the state by raising their taxes until they leave.

    …will start deploying unmarked vans that abduct vagrants off the streets, dress them in lab coats and give them stethoscopes and licenses to practice medicine.

    …will start a “guns for medical license” giveaway

  9. …will let anyone with a windowless van buy candy with food stamps and become a pediatrician.

    …will no longer pay hookers to be petri dishes, use money to buy bananas for monkey hits the knee with a hammer test.

    …promises doctors that they have permission to order seX-ray test before patient gets undressed.

    …paid Chaz Bono a billion dollars to become a doctor, treat self.

  10. …started showing clips of Charles Dickens “A Christmas Carol” on TV where Scrooge says,

    “If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population of California.‚ÄĚ

    (That last part was dubbed-in by me, a George C. Scott sound-alike.)

  11. will make your next Dr or Emergency visit like something along the line of a trip to Golden Coral or what ever your local self serve restaurants is called. Just grab what you want and have it installed by the illegal on the left.

  12. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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