Straight Line of the Day: The Funniest Thing Obama Said at the Gridiron Club Press Dinner…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The funniest thing Obama said at the Gridiron Club Press Dinner…
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March 12th, 2013 at 12:02 pm
…: “I am not a dictator”.
March 12th, 2013 at 12:05 pm
…I intend to follow the example of Pope-emeritus Benedict….
March 12th, 2013 at 12:05 pm
…raise taxes? That’s kookie talk…
March 12th, 2013 at 12:06 pm
… I’ve been speaking long enough… I don’t just want to drone on here….
March 12th, 2013 at 12:07 pm
…I notice Bob Woodward isn’t here…. guess he got the message…
March 12th, 2013 at 12:10 pm
“My fellow Americans…”
March 12th, 2013 at 12:11 pm
…the next round is on Bloomberg… Super Big Gulps all around.
March 12th, 2013 at 12:12 pm
I’d like to thank all the welders that make that made this event possible. Making gridirons has been providing Americans with good union jobs. Jobs that I personally create or save by coming to these events.
March 12th, 2013 at 12:12 pm
…I really did try to bow out of this speaking engagement….
March 12th, 2013 at 12:23 pm
..I care about America.
…I can take a joke.
…my lovely wife, Michelle.
March 12th, 2013 at 12:29 pm
…could somebody please pass the Dog Meat?
mmm yum yum and I’ll try a little of that Snake Meat too.
March 12th, 2013 at 12:31 pm
…when I heard I was going to speak at the Gridiron I asked Michelle if that wasn’t where the White House sent my shirts to be pressed.
…I have to say that my warmest memories are of summer days spent with my dad in Chicago at that other great gridiron, Lambert Fields, watching the Bears take on the Yankees and catching a foul-tip punt from Stan “The Can” Musical.
…the Force is great Dr. Spock, set Lightphasers to stun.
…no, no..heh, heh, heh…the smoke coming from under the door in my suite does not mean the Catholics have elected a new pope…heh heh.
March 12th, 2013 at 12:41 pm
“Let me be clear. The time is now, and I will speak from the heart. We have system rebooting loading text enter password…”
March 12th, 2013 at 12:51 pm
…when we fight I always let the wo— Michelle win.
March 12th, 2013 at 12:54 pm
…when is the dog served.
March 12th, 2013 at 12:54 pm
You guys are just rented mules… I can beat you all like one if I want to.
March 12th, 2013 at 12:55 pm
…and then Pelosi said with a straight face…. well with all that Botox how else could she say it…
March 12th, 2013 at 12:56 pm
“….. and when I finish here, I’m going to get right down to business and develop a balanced budget, look for places where we can cut reckless spending and create some jobs!”
March 12th, 2013 at 1:03 pm
it’s important for organizations like this to continue to support football because without football we wouldn’t have the constant supply of citizens with head injuries to keep voting for candidates like me. you know… where I come from, “football” is what we call what you Americans call soccer.
March 12th, 2013 at 1:07 pm
anybody got any choom?
March 12th, 2013 at 1:08 pm
…take my wife…. please!
March 12th, 2013 at 1:24 pm
…was “Do you guys do waffle irons?”
March 12th, 2013 at 1:59 pm
… was “you know I love nothing better than to go shotgunning with Joe”
March 12th, 2013 at 2:10 pm
… was how much he looked forward to comparing Michelle’s booty to Beyonce’s
March 12th, 2013 at 2:19 pm
…if you think the problems I’ve caused are bad, just wait until you see my solutions.
March 12th, 2013 at 2:24 pm
uh uh uh er uhI want you all to know that uh uh uh er uhI love ironing grids, and that joey and uh uh uh er uh I press grids all the time.uh uh uh er uh Ioften travel to Camp David to iron grids. so let me be clear, uh uh uh er uh I am not trying to take your grids away from you, and that you should be able to hunt grids, uh uh uh er uhI am just saying we need sensible uh uh uh er uh regulations of grids.
March 12th, 2013 at 2:29 pm
…”Fore!”
March 12th, 2013 at 2:45 pm
“Don’t taz me. bro!”
March 12th, 2013 at 2:53 pm
is “Free Press” an oxymoron or a non sequitor? Whatev
March 12th, 2013 at 2:55 pm
We all need to pay more attention to which office windows are really doors now that “Biden’s got a gun”
March 12th, 2013 at 3:33 pm
its a good thing I’m at this event because my other plan was to go play a round of golf in my home state.
March 12th, 2013 at 3:34 pm
you like me! you really really like me!
March 12th, 2013 at 3:38 pm
…I just flew in from the golf course, and boy are the taxpayers arms tired.
…So a Jew and a Muslim walk into a bar and the bartender goes BOOM!!!! Ha Ha and they had mixed drinks. On the house. Down the street. Ha Ha I don’t get it either.
…My foreign policy? Talk like a stud but make sure my Sec. of State is a horse of a different color.
…And then Michelle says does this alternate universe make my butt look fat? And then Michael Moore says does that first ladies butt make me look this skinny or am I just glad to see her?
…And God says Just the one wish My son, and I’m all like well I’m God now so it’s all good and here we are folks me being all worshiped and stuff and it sure sucks not to be me don’t it?
March 12th, 2013 at 3:54 pm
…enough about me. Let’s talk about me.
March 12th, 2013 at 4:04 pm
…was, “Excuse me while I scratch Michelle’s ass.”
March 12th, 2013 at 4:33 pm
… No, Really. My approach WILL be balanced…
March 12th, 2013 at 4:54 pm
Why worry about drone strikes? As long as the worker bees stay on the job, who cares if the drones go on strike?
March 12th, 2013 at 5:32 pm
… you are all doing jobs that I would not allow my son to do.
March 12th, 2013 at 5:55 pm
…safe sex? You know how Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down? Michelle got a Weeble booty and a bungie cord. And our safe word is “Who let the dog in?”
March 12th, 2013 at 6:00 pm
…Tiger Woods just gave me a new set of clubs when we played togther, and I have to tell you that the grid iron is my favorite club now.
March 12th, 2013 at 6:03 pm
…..Since you are all members of the press, I trust you’ve already written glowing reports about the speech I’m about to give.
March 12th, 2013 at 6:11 pm
@26 and @41 – my personal cheers…
March 12th, 2013 at 6:14 pm
… Oh, and @13. . . .
March 13th, 2013 at 3:25 am
…was when he referred to Biden as the brains of his administration.
March 13th, 2013 at 7:00 am
“… and I conclude my speech with the reminder that I have my finger on the drones, and if you do not write complimentary enough articles about me…
March 13th, 2013 at 3:21 pm
….now take MY budget proposal….wait a minute!! I swear had it here just a minute ago, honest! Alright, who took my homework so I couldn’t turn it in?
March 13th, 2013 at 3:22 pm
…now take my wife — please!
March 13th, 2013 at 3:23 pm
So, Doctor, does it hurt when I do this? No? How about NOW!?
March 14th, 2013 at 7:45 am
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