What I See in My Darkest Nightmares


(Thanks to Bill Whittle for sending me the image)
UPDATE: Let’s make this a caption contest.

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  1. How is it bill hs time to find assinine pictures of monkeys for you, yet he cant seem to post a new essay. Does this mean we can blame you, Frank J, for delaying the next Whittle release?

  2. “Don’t move… Slimeball.”
    “Get your hands off me, you damn dirty human!”
    “I am the Anti-Frank.”
    “You’re a disease. I’m the cure.”
    And the best of all…
    “DAMN IT, I’M A CHIMPANZEE NOT A MONKEY!!! GET IT STRAIGHT!!!”

  3. This is much more fun than working!
    “Michael, you so much as look at me again…”
    We’ve said one too many jokes, and the french are mad as hell!
    “…every few hundred millennia, evolution leaps forward. ”
    “You homo sapiens and your guns.”
    “Hey, this is much better than flingin’ monkey poo!”

  4. Anthropology 407: “Simian gender issues and semi-automatics: A critical study of chimpanzee societies and the role of firearms through the feminism/empowerment interpretative protocols.”

  5. “Punxsutawney Phil, come out with your hands up! Your days of f***ing with the seasons are over!”
    “So, Marlin Perkins, we meet a last! You don’t remember me, do you? Well I starred in your stupid Wild Kingdom and haven’t seen a single royalty check, you arrogant bastard! So hand over the money and that f***ing banana or Jim here is going to take a bullet in the ass.”

  6. Funnier are those that use the word “frickin’.” Why? I don’t know.
    “One more frickin’ monkey joke, com’on, just one more . . .”
    “Gun restrictions? I’ll show you my frickin’ gun restricktions.”
    “Hey, at least this International Monkey Assassin Organization is better than my last gig. That one had me dancing in the park and wearing a frickin’ tassle hat.”

  7. What’s YOUR position on the 2nd Amendment?
    Natural selection . . . a game I LOVE to play.
    Screw American Sign Language . . . I prefer to let my Glock do the talkin’.
    No habla American Sign Language . . . habla Smith and Wesson.

  8. “This is the last time I’m going to ask, WHO ATE MY BANANAS?”
    or
    “If you don’t reveal the location of this ‘Banana Republic’, the chick in the red dress gets it!”
    or
    “I knew it! The monkeys have come to take back what is theirs.”
    or
    “I knew this day would come. You stupid humans elected Hillary and now I am the only one that can stop her.”

  9. “Bobo no want wear diaper!”
    “Bobo hate stinky patchouli, shoot hippie in face!”
    “Bobo say ‘gun control is hitting poacher you aim at'”
    “You looking at Bobo?”

  10. HE’S a superheroic weblogger obsessed with bringing down the evil Glenn Reynolds. SHE’S a gun-totin’ monkey obsessed with dating Viggo Mortensen. They can’t stand each other, but together THEY FIGHT CRIME!
    Cheers,
    Sean.

  11. “And this, Mr.Anderson, is what happens when there is a glitch in the Matrix”
    or
    “Mr.Anderson, surprised to see me?”
    or
    “Back away, bucko, that chick’s with me!”

  12. Mojo Jojo hatches his final plan to defeat the Powerpuff Girls.
    “No Mr Bond, I expect you to die.”
    “I ain’t doin’ ‘Every Which Way But Loose II’, I don’t care how much Eastwood whines.”

  13. Actually, my earlier comment was not a caption. It was a gripe. The little felon puked in the back of my cruiser. I got him on a DWI. He blew a .72. On the field sobriety test, he couldn’t even crawl a straight line. Getting the cuffs on him was a bitch, because he wrapped himself around my leg. I had to call for backup. Then Bonzo tried to hump the K-9. We charged his fuzzy ass with DWI, lewd conduct, impersonating a senator, and an expired driver’s license. He had a CHL, so we couldn’t get him for piece. I can’t believe the little crapper bonded out.

  14. TV Guide

    Maybe I’m weird (OK, I am, get over it), but I sometimes find the truncated program descriptions you get on your on-screen program guide to be quite amusing, especially considering what people choose to include and leave out. A sampling while channel-s…

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