Since some website has ranked me quite influential, I’ve decided to use this opportunity to steal the job of my arch-nemesis, Jonah Goldberg (yeah, he doesn’t know I exist, but it helps to aim high with your arch-nemeses). Jonah Goldberg likes to write funny columns about politics, but I plan to write even funnier columns about politics… so funny that the world will never be the same. Anyhoo, here is what I wrote Rich Lowry:
To: comments.lowry@nationalreview.com
From: imao@cfl.rr.com
Subject: A message to Rich Lowry from one of the most influential bloggers and/or reporters
According to a website I had previously never heard of that has ranked the most influential reporters and bloggers on the web (http://www.blogrunner.com/snapshot/top-authors-00.html), my blog, IMAO, currently ranks at 23, higher than such respected NY Times Columnists as Thomas L. Friedman and William Safire and such disrespected NY Time Columnists as Maureen Dowd. More importantly, Jonah Goldberg ranks a measly 44. Obviously, to keep National Review Online influential, you must fire that lazy Goldberg and hire me in his place. While I write five times a week even though I have a regular 9 to 5 job, Jonah Goldberg barely hacks out one column a week though his only other duty is to watch his dog chase Jacobin squirrels. Plus, I’d be much cheaper, since, having no experience with column writing, you could quote any salary to me and tell me its fair, and I’d be completely credulous. Also, I’ve designed t-shirts for one of NRO’s main advertisers, ThoseShirts.com, so we practically work together already. If you need any more convincing, I’m sure I could get up to five references that I write good.
You’d be a fool to pass up this opportunity– a complete and utter fool.
A FOOL!!!
Cordially,
Frank J. Fleming
http://imao.us
Muh ha ha ha! Jonah Goldberg’s job is as good as mine, and he’ll never know what hit him!
UPDATE: I got this response which adds to nearly four full words: “will ck out yr stuff”. The plan is in motion…
Oh wait; he’ll see this. Everyone hide!
Anyhoo, going to start working on a new In My World™ for tomorrow morning that I think everyone is going to love. Make sure to check it out… especially if you’re Rich Lowry.
You forgot to mention that Jonah Goldberg is a Joooo! But, then again, it is New York.
Hey Frank,
Forget about NationalReview, go get a job as a writer for Saturday Night Live. What you write is much funnier than the crap they come up with, plus you’d probably make a lot more money for your funny!
I’d be willing to reference you, frank. I’m sure everyone would respect my opinion, becase, after all, I’m almost the 1,252,724th most influential blog.
Congrats on your new job, Frank. I can say that because I’m sure you’re going to get it. After all, it’s not like me trying to become a writer for the Chicago Sun Times.
NRO hasn’t responded to my article submissions 🙁
Cool Frank!
And just think if you DO get the job, all us – your loyal readers – can read your articles at NRO and say,”Yep… knew that whipper-snapper when he was just a little blogger. Hee, hee..”
Or just bask in the glow of your greatness…
You should include the picture titled “Samurai Frank” from the Peace Gallery in all of your future job applications. After all, isn’t the most important aspect of any employee the ability to defend the office from monkies and ninjas and any combinations there-of?
–I’m sure I could get up to five references that I write “good.”
…anybody else find this ironic? eh, whatever.
Yeah Frank! Move up and become a big-time writer!
Oh wait, you already kinda are, you’re just that influential…
Hurry up and get his job, willya? Maybe then I can finally get my comments posted in The Corner…
Not minoring in irony at school, are we, BG?
When you get the job… what will become of IMAO?
Will you still post here? Will you post as much with NRO? Will In My World Still exist?
I can’t imagine going on without IMAO…
when you go a day without updating, it’s like a day without sunshine… ok I hate sunshine, but still.. I’m like a druggie, I Need My FIX!
Jonag, why do you always have the wrong words at the wrong time on the wrong place. I know that you can be nice, but it takes so much explanations to get you right, that sometimes, you make me upset.
I e-mailed Goldberg to clue him in to your bold challenge. I suggest other IMAO loyalists do the same – let the games begin.
jonahnro@aol.com
LOL, frank. i’ll vouch that you write good. of course, i’m even far less influential than taron w, so lotta good that’ll do ya.
Amphi,
What did I say?! What did I say?! I don’t think I’m the one that can be accused of being cryptic here.
Ooooh – you’re too clever, Frank! (But now we know your last name!)
Waiting until Jonah’s out of town before sending your missive to Lowry – very smart (he’s giving a speech tonight at Washington & Lee).
I am currently working in DC on assignment, and since I figured I’m in the neighborhood, just recently sent an email to Jonah asking for a quick meeting so I could say hi. I didn’t expect a response, and I wasn’t disappointed. Some people are just TOO famous….
But hey, then there’s Frank…! I work in Florida a lot, too – you too busy for a beer?
Don’t ever leave IMAO Frank! I’d have to go search for another funny conservative blog to read while I’m stuck in this hell-hole (read: Ann Arbor, MI)!!!!
Long time reader, first time poster (please don’t hit me).
IMAO is my daily dose of a voice from the right (so nice of the great wordmasters to combine both definitions of Republican into one word). Being on a college campus, I have to wade through deep puddles of liberal goo while simply walking to class to turn myself into a well-educated anti-hippy machine. No, random long-haired student angrily waving a sign around, animals are not people. We are for the most part bigger, and have guns and tanks. That makes us better. The same reasoning goes for why we should take down Kim Jong Il and France. Anyway, all rants aside, ending IMAO will make me cry.
Jonag, it’s a friendly explanation, but you said “You forgot to mention that Jonah Goldberg is a Joooo!”
Well, it is as saying “You forgot to mention that Jonah Goldberg is black!”
Jonag,
We are in peace living all together. Hug !
Cool. I have no idea what you’re talking about. But it sounds reasonable.
Amphi, It was a joke. Why would I truly mock someone with such a cool name (it’s almost exactly like mine!).
Should I have said “I poop my pants” since I was FIRST after all?!
What you need is someone who has connections to Lowry. You know, someone who dated a woman who works with him. Someone who had a roommate whom Lowry has published. Someone who attended Ramesh’s wedding and hobnobbed. Someone gleeful. Someone extreme.
You may commence bartering for my Frank-pimping services.
NR is big enough for Jonah and Frank. It doesn’t have to be an either/or situation. And the Long dude is pretty funny too.
Fleming eh? Happy St. Patty’s Day!
GE,
Do you really have connections? How can I exploit them?
Sticky B,
Rob Long is funny (funny enough to warrant a subscription to NRODT). I have to try and undermine Jonah Goldberg, though, or this is no fun.
Dan,
Whoops. Meant to remove that. Yeah, that is an Irish name.
Looks like Jonah is getting desperate, since he’s begging for his job:
http://www.nationalreview.com/thecorner/04_03_14_corner-archive.asp#027435
Frank, An even more influential ranking is alexa.com (run by Amazon) which has you ranked at #93,077. This ranks all websites in a field of millions, so top 100K is pretty good. More ammo, as if you needed it.
Jonag, I pardon you.
After all, your age makes that I must devote you respect.
🙂
Thanks Amphi! And I will pardon your French-ness!
Maybe once I’ll be American !
My ancestors were French (I don’t know how far back). I’m glad they made their way over here!
An Epic Battle Rages
You all know how much I love Jonah Goldberg at NRO. I mean, what’s not to love? He’s even been…
The sister of the mother of my grand-father moved to America with her husband, and all this part of the family is there, in Illinois. I used to correspond with my grand aunt when I was a child, but then she died and I have lost contact with the family. I liked to write to an old woman, but I was more shy to write to the same age cousins. Maybe once, I will meet with them anyway. One of my best class mate has married an American also. She is a teacher somewhere. And I really would like to move myself. I have field a request with the Stanford University to finish my work within the research. It is fresh, only last week and I still wait for an answer. But I would only marry to an American. America is the only country where craziness rhythms with intelligence.
I have filled… I meant.