Yay! I got some stories from my old man (plus some others). I still have more stories waiting to be published, but, as always, I want more. So, if you have one, e-mail me with the subject “Military”. Everyone else, enjoy.
My old man, who has a first name that means “Frenchman” and – by the way – served in Vietnam, wrote these two stories, one from when he was in Germany before heading to Vietnam and the other from boot camp (FYI, my dad dodged the draft the old fashioned way – signing up):
I was in the Army stationed in Germany in January of 1969. Having to pull KP duty at least once a month, I always tried to get the position of washing pots & pans because everyone left you alone and it was fairly easy…….no one watched over you much. But one day a particular mess sergeant kept making me re-wash the pots etc because he felt them not up to “his standards”…after about three attempts to pass his inspection I took the ones I couldn’t get clean and buried them in the snow out behind the mess hall. I figured someone other then me could worry about them in the Spring!
I went through “boot camp” at Fort Dix, NJ in the winter of 1967-68. I was from Southern California and was here because they wanted me to go to Officer Candidate School as I had graduated from college. Most of the training company I was in was made up of others like me or draftees from the streets of New York City and Philadelphia. The first day that we were given bayonets to drill with, over fifty were “lost or missing” when we turned them in at the end of the day. After searching for hours, threatening everyone with the “brig”, and keeping us up until midnight, they finally gave up with about 10 still missing. Everyone was pretty nice to each other from then on, not knowing who had one of the missing weapons!
John helps translate some military lingo for us:
Frank, here’s a list of military terms for the Military-English dictionary. I certainly invite other readers to add, edit or correct. Keep in mind that my experience was with the 82nd Airborne, and the Army National Guard. Some terms may have different meanings to other units or branches. Also, this isn’t really “family friendly.”
Without further fuss, and in no particular order (including alpha) I present the following:
REMF – Rear Echelon Mother Fucker; a clerk, cook or mechanic. Term of derision for non-combat personnel.
Think of PVT Wompum(sp?) in Saving Private Ryan
Top – First Sergeant, senior NCO at Company level.
FUBAR – Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition; hopeless situation or condition. [Ed Note: In programming, common function names for example code are “foo” and “bar”.]
Cherry – a new trooper or soldier.
Humvee – OK, dammit – it’s NEVER been called a HUMMER by troops (at least when I was in) a HUMMER is something a girl gives you! A HMMWV is a Highly Mobile Multi-Wheeled Vehicle. Far superior to the 50 grand lump of shit civilians are issued.
Cut-V – also Cuck-V; basically a stripped down Ford Blazer with camo paint. Formally known as a CUCV, Commercial Cargo Utility Vehicle.
TA-50 – Equipment issued a soldier upon assignment to a unit. Items such as protective gear, special equipment and such. Different from basic issue which is blouse, pants and boots.
Cunt Cap – Funky looking hat worn by most soldiers before the “Black Beret” was sullied and issued to legs. Class A uniform hat.
Leg – on-airborne qualified personnel. Term of derision.
Red Leg – artillery personnel. Term of endearment.
SPORTS – acronym for performing immediate action to correct firing problems with M16A1/A2 rifles. Slap, Pull, Observe, Release, Tap, Squeeze. Kind of sexy if you think about it.
Bug Juice – basically pure DEET bug repellant. Neat thing about this stuff? Gives a positive reading on nerve agent test strips. Also melts plastic. Really.
MRE – Meal Ready to Eat. Also, Meal Rejected by Everyone, Meal Rejected by Ethiopians. I liked the peanut butter. [Ed. Note: Ethiopia actually was one of the countries that accepted donations of MRE’s to be fair]
Poggie Bate – candy, goodies, sweets. Shit that reminded you there was a better world out there.
RTO – Radio/Telephone Operator. The guy who knew what was going on at any given time.
Weapon – M16A2.
Gun – Artillery piece.
Hump – March.
Humping the Pig – the act of carrying the M60 machine gun on a patrol or march.
Short or Short-timer – nearing end of duty period or service commitment.
PLF – Parachute Landing Fall, execution of contact points upon parachute landing to minimize impact.
(See Fourth Point of Contact)
Fourth Point of Contact – Buttocks, derived from PLF.
Often used in phrase “Get your head out of your fourth point of contact.”
Light-Blub Leader – also Spot Light Leader; person who performs at highest levels only when being observed by superiors. Usually used in training situations like PLDC (Primary Leadership Development Course for NCO’s) or OBC (Officer Basic Course).
Well, that’s all I can come up with for now – maybe your readers have more?
Ryan has more on the infatuation of the military with breasts (who woulda thunk?):
Have another “Dolly Parton” term for you. I served in the nuclear navy (Submarine Service, yes, we are weird, why else would I read IMAO?)
The fission product yield curve-
http://t2.lanl.gov/tour/yields.gif
was originally referred to as the “Mae West” curve for obvious reasons. Some instructors at Nuclear Power School in more recent years have switched to “Dolly Parton” because the kids have no idea who Mae West is. Durn kids…
I’m not sure if they even use this anymore, as they started admitting women in ’96, and the Navy is very sensitive about sexual harassment.
On a side note, if you look into colleges that give credit for military service, they tend to award more for Army, Navy, and Marine training over the Air Force. I believe this is because the AF training is highly specialized in individual components and “black box” change outs, while the other services concentrate on general principles and system interrelations.
For example-
http://www.excelsior.edu/military/military.htm
Here’s a Marine’s perspective of the Air Force from first hand experience (poor Air Force, but this is pretty damn funny):
My name is Kurt, but I go by “Devil Dog” on your site. That is a nickname that Marines earned during WWI. It was found to have come from the Germans- who said we fought like “tuefel hunden”.
Here’s another “perspective” story.
First, I need to say that I have supported the Air Force a few times already in some posts here. The Combat Controllers and PJ’s are very hard core and tough hombres. The Air Force as a whole is an awesome organization that accomplishes its mission with amazing and highly motivating efficiency.
Having said that, I would add that comparing them to a “military” service like the Army or the Marine Corps is like comparing a district attorney to a police officer. They both work in law enforcement… but that’s about as far as it goes. The DA wears a suit and works in an air conditioned court room- often lunching at the local bistro and taking cocktails at the Hyatt. The police officer works with the scum of the planet and eats old sandwiches… and then throws down beer while playing pool in a dirty, but comfortable dive.
I realized early on that the Air Force was different from my Marine Corps. I went to high school with a guy named Ray. Ray enlisted in the Air Force and I in the Marine Corps. Almost immediately after graduation, I went to boot camp, while Ray chose to wait a few months before going to his basic training.
Well, after thirteen weeks of a life altering, incomparably indescribable experience, I returned on leave to my hometown. I went in to visit my recruiter (okay, so I was actually going there to murder him) and saw my old friend Ray in the Air Force office. He was just back from a grueling six weeks of… something he called “basic training”. He was wearing his blue uniform and the first thing that occurred to me was that he was in dire need of a haircut. Next, I noticed that he was sporting three ribbons. THREE. I looked down at the breast of my khaki shirt to see nothing but the shiny rifle expert badge. No ribbons.
That was in 1981… and, at that time in the Marine Corps, it was not uncommon to see even a sergeant with only one or two ribbons on his chest. There was no war on at the moment and the Marine Corps does not just hand stuff out. Keep in mind also that for a young man just out of boot camp, having ribbons would have been a very cool thing, indeed.
Anyway, I asked Ray what the ribbons were for. I figured he must have been part of some secret mission, or maybe involved in a life saving operation or something. He smiled as he explained. “This one,” he said, “is for graduating basic training.”
Huh?? Come again?? You get a ribbon for that? I didn’t get one. All I got was the title of a United States Marine and the Eagle, Globe, and Anchor to prove it. Okay, I’m on top with this one.
He pointed to another one. “I got this one for the half day we spent carrying the M16 rifle. We even fired a few rounds out of it.”
…fired a few… HOLY CRAP!! I NAMED my rifle– slept with, made love to, and talked to my rifle for three months!!! And qualified expert on a VERY challenging course of fire. Still… I looked down to my badge… this round went to me also.
As for Ray’s final ribbon… I was going to make something up because I really do not remember what he said he got that one for. I decided, though, that wouldn’t be right. So, I’ll just let you imagine what it may have been for. Maybe someone out there will have some idea what it could have been. All I remember is that it was pretty and shiny, and Ray had put it on crooked.
So, what have we learned? Well, we’ve learned that we’re all different and special in our own way. The Air Force uses decorations to appeal to the ego of the young airman and the Marine Corps uses history and pride and all that stuff. The result is that Marines will fight and win spectacularly, so long as you promise them their rightful place in history while letting them kill bad guys– and the Air Force will fight and win spectacularly (from a distance, of course), so long as you give them lots of shiny, pretty stuff and lots of creature comforts. Right or wrong, this system seems to work.
Semper Fi!!
P.S. Memo to Air Force: You wouldn’t have to “Aim High” if you took the time to learn about the adjustable sights… Kentucky windage is a poor substitute for marksmanship efficiency.
Finally, a number of people have pointed me to this, so I’ll finally just put up a link. Here are “The 213 Things Skippy is no Longer Allowed to do in the U.S. Army”. Definite drink alert on these.
Your old man’s story on the missing weapon I can relate to. Been locked down a couple of times during missing weapons searches – no weapons recovered either time!
Was I first? (blush)
Devil Dog,
As a retired AF enlisted punk I can only agree with you whole-heartedly.
The Air Force practically GIVES them away for not much of anything. I had 12 different ribbons with f***-knows how many clusters I can honestly say that I only ‘deserved’ two of them: Meritorious Service Medal and the Commendation Medal (3 clusters).
The rest were for things such as:
Being stationed overseas for a year – AF Short Tour
Being stationed overseas for more than a year – AF Long Tour
Completing military school – PME Ribbon
Being in the service during GWI – National Defense
Being in a unit that had it’s paperwork done – AF Outstanding Unit
Being in a command with other services that had it’s paperwork done – Joint Meritorious Unit Award
Not F***ing Up – Good Conduct Medal
Being in for 4 years – AF Longevity
Oh, there’s a LOT more (see: http://arpc.afrc.af.mil/dpstq/chart.htm)
HUMMER is the civilian term for the Humvee. But the the HUMMER is nothing compared to the original. BTW, that new H2 is a piece of shit.
Heh heh. Couple of nice ones there Frank. I have say though that I love the 213 things Skippy in no longer allowed to do in the US Army. I stumbled across that site a while ago, And it all sounds like stuff Frank J. would write if he’d joined up.
“Napalm sticks to kids is NO a motivational message.”
dviant…the H2 is a mini-van that happens to have four wheel drive.
Beast to drive too.
The PVT’s name in Saving Private Ryan was Upham.
The Cnt Cap wasn’t replaced by the beret. It was a version of the service cap which, instead of a single edge like the garrison cap currently has, had a double edge (like the current female service cap). The Cnt cap was replaced by the garrison cap, which was then replaced by the beret.
WETSU = We eat that stuff up.
A good one among the enlisted:
After somebody ‘breaks wind’ someone else will say, “Keep talking, sir! We’ll find you!”
My uncle, who was a Marine F4 pilot during Viet Nam, took me, shortly after I completed Air Force Basic Training, to a marine post to speak with some of the guys about a POW/MIA fundraiser he was doing. The marines were great and gave me tours of the tanks and weapons, etc. One of the marines looking at me in my civvies asked me “You look like you’re in good shape, got short hair, are you in the Military ?” I responded “No, I’m in the Air Force.” They thought that was funny and all liked me after that.
Now the comment about transferring AF training to college, I disagree with. The Air Force has the Community College of the Air Force. So you can transfer those credits almost directly to most community colleges, there is no need to look up the equivalents, the AF did that for you, the site you linked to says as much.
Also I don’t know about the training now, but when I went through (1986 – the whole year) we learned down to the component level in electronics and I was designing digital circuits for a company within one year after getting out with no additional training.
Also the three ribbons available just out of basic for AF personnel are –
Basic training completion
Markmanship
Honor Grad
Sad, huh 🙂
But damn our rank came slow.
Devil Dog makes the Air Force sound like the magpies of the military.
Don’t you worry about all them ribbons on that concaved AF chest now DD. When a jar head walks into the joint, all the girlies will be looking his way… until the Paratrooper gets there, at least!
Frank – did not know that about the MRE’s and the Ethopians… kind of kills that saying! Actually, I was glad to get an MRE myself. And glad to have time to eat it.
Talk bad and make fun of the Air Force all you want guys.
Just remember that we own and operate TWO of today’s overseas Grunts and Ground Pounders’ Best friends.
The A-10 Warthog and the AC-130 Spectre.
Instant Airborne Urban Renewal. “When It Absolutely, Positively Needs To be Destroyed. Right the f*ck NOW!” On call. 24/7.
–Hey, L.C. Red: I prefaced my story with my respect for the Air Force… always liked it, always will. Besides, you guys have the BEST chow halls I have ever eaten in!!
–And a big, hearty “OO-RAH” for the mighty Warthog and Spectre!!!!!
Make fun of my AF all you want. If I wanted to get shot at, I’d have stayed home in South Central LA.
Oh yes. MRE= Meals Refusing to Exit.
Juliette,
My dad used to repossess cars in South Central; probably scarier than Vietnam.
I don’t want too much Air Force bashing. My grandfather was Army Air Corps during WWII and then career Air Force, and he certainly was about aa great represenative of the “greatest generation” as you could find.
Points taken, Devil Dog, Juliette and Frank.
We had Army MPs, Navy crews and Marines augmenting our Force Protection guys here at Andrews AFB for almost two years after Sept. 11th. They all raved about the Billeting and Chow.
About the only people who ever whined were from AmeriCorp. Snot nosed teenaged bastids who bitched last year that our chow halls didn’t have a Vegan menu!
–What???? No vegan menu???? I am shocked and dismayed. How barbaric can you possibly get?
Joe, we called the old helmets “Steel Pots” and then when they issued the Kevlar helmets, we called them “K Pots.”
I’ve also heard “Brain Bucket” for helmet.
Pogey Bait term has always been an enigma – I’ve tried to find the origin. First of heard of the Chinese/Marine origin though. My son learned in Social Studies that a Gulf fish called Menhaden is also called Pogy. I kind of wondered if that wasn’t where the term originated?
Devil Dog – what do you know about Pogey Bait?
–Rockynoggin, I know that pogey bait is the single most sought out substance in the known military universe during deployments. You know, when cash means nothing, but a Three Muskateers would buy ample favors.
–I have always heard the Chinese or Korean theory… never took the time to figure out which was correct, as it just didn’t seem to matter much at the time. I’ll see if I can dig up the real scoop now, though.
In the navy, “bug juice” is a red flavored drink (yes, red FLAVORED) served to us in crew’s mess. It could be used to good effect to clean stainless steel and free rusty nuts. I can’t tell you for certain, but it would probably also show positive as a chemical weapon.
As a retired USAF type, I think most of the comments about the FORCE are about right. The training that many airman get is technical enough that the Air Force needs to keep them for a while to get a return on its investment (I spent over a year in tech schools). It is also true, that many USAF jobs have a close cousin in the civil sector, thus making retention even more of a challenge than in the other branches.
I joined because of my interest in astronomy and because the USAF operated several solar observatories. I did get that career field (weather), but elected to stay away from the solar stuff because it was mostly a numbers game.
As for ribbons out of Basic Military Training, it is possible for an Airman to earn 4 (FOUR) ribbons: Training Ribbon, National Defense Medal, Marksmanship, and Honor Grad. Go Force!!
Also take note that in Ground Bound Services. Officers send Enlisted Men off into harms way with a briefing and a sharp salute.
In the Air Arena. Enlisted Men preflight, gas, and arm aircraft. Piloted by Officers. Who are sent off into harm’s way with a sharp salute!
“Pogey Bait”: Confections and soft drinks that attract “Pogues”, the USMC version of the REMF, generally available at the “slop chute”, which is derived from a squid term for garbage dump. A real Marine wouldn’t touch that kind of shit or, at least, openly admit doing so*.
Re CUT-V definition: What’s a Ford Blazer?
* circa 1965 lore
In defense of my beloved Air Force, (I’m a Maintenance Officer with 16 years in) we do give out a lot of ribbons compared to the other branches. But everybody (even Marines) gets the National Defense Ribbon when they complete basic training. That is a DOD reg. Also, we just give a ribbon for marksmanship not a “shiny rifle expert badge”. Personally I think a badge is more foo foo than an inconspicuous little old ribbon.
As far as chow halls in the AOR (Area of Responsibility–i.e. Southwest Asia–or the war zone) go. The Army chow halls that are provided by Brown and Root are the best. However, everything else about the Army was a little primitive for my taste.
I have a good question for the Navy…why do ya’ll put their names on the back of their pants? Seems like a strange place to look to figure out whom you’re talking to.
–pw2, first, the National Defense wasn’t one of the ribbons I mentioned in my story. If it had been, then Ray would have had FOUR ribbons. It was 1981… no National Defense for anyone at that time.
Next, the badge/ribbon thing: If you missed it… we slept with, lived with, shot forever, and NAMED our rifles. Pardon us for a little “foo foo” on that one… but we deserve it.
Experienced soldiers know the reason you have two duffel bags: when you go to the field, one is for your TA-50, the other for the pogey bait.
Devil Dog,
It is true that you didn’t mention the National Defense Ribbon in your story. However, “clews” mentioned it in his comment above. I was responding to him (her?) when I said that. For the record, I like the corps and I agree ya’ll deserve your “foo foo” badges ;-).
However, if your friend hit the target dead center the prescribed number of times, he deserved his marksmanship ribbon whether he slept with his weapon or not. As far as the training ribbon and honor graduate ribbon I have no response other than you’re right, the Air Force gives out a lot of ribbons.
V/r
Pw2
Mike M:
Chevy Blazer – sorry, I’m a Ford man. And those CUCV’s were pretty much Chevy quality.
devil dog, i just read your story to my husband (because we know that real marines don’t read 🙂
and he has told me of an error in fact that you cited.
it was the french who first called marines “devil dogs” and the germans got it from them.
also i would like to take this oppportunity to brag on my old man for just habing retired (on terminal leave as i type). among his accomplishments he won the “unoffical” award of “big dawg” for his drill instructor duties at parris island. i am also very proud that at the age of 41 he shipped off to iraq and made it back in one piece. he wasn’t thanked or given that extra stripe for all his hardwork and dedication. only one gunny of over 200 was promoted and the honor went to some butt -sucking, no warring sycophant.
anyhow, if you disagree with the facts, take it up with him. meanwhile he’ll be growing his hair out and not running.
Great discussion! Just want to add a couple more pieces of USAF airplane maintainer slang:
FRED=F***ing Ridiculous Economic Disaster (the C-5, said with love.) AKA Fat Albert, if you really want to piss off a FRED driver!:)
BONE= B-1 bomber. Secondary meaning obviously is that you’re always getting the bone if you work on them…but they’re getting better!
SEA SLUGS= C-17s, for their bizarre appearance from the front on the ground. AKA “Bhudda”.
LAWN DARTS= F-16s, for their habit of sticking into the ground nose-first…
GUCCI BOYS: People who work on the KC-10 tanker, which reputedly needs little maintenance (used by McGuire and Travis flightline types who don’t work on ’em.)
Hope you enjoyed!