When the Pilgrims came to the Americas, the Indians welcomed the new interlopers who had decided not to slaughter all the natives and seize the land… yet. The Pilgrims, the Indians, and the turkeys all worked together in harmony to grow corn and tobacco and drill for oil on the behest of Halliburton. Everyone was happy… until the ninja attack! The Pilgrims fought back with their guns that had barrels shaped like horns while the Indians used their ancient Indian magic and arrows (mainly arrows). And there was much kung fu fighting. Eventually the Pilgrims and the Indians prevailed, but they wondered how had the ninjas found them at all. This was answered when the they saw the turkeys hiding their bags of ninja gold. The Pilgrims and the Indians then slaughtered the traitorous turkeys and prepared them to eat in a feast where they gave thanks to God for their victory over the ninjas. This became known as “Victory Over Ninjas Day” but was changed to “Thanksgiving Day” after the 1679 Ninja Peace Accord.
To this day, the turkeys have never been forgiven.
Maybe we should start roasting the traitorous Democrats, there’s a lot more meat on them.
Ewwww, xtreme… that’s just distasteful. I would imagine that a great many would have a severe allergy to the liberalophan found in the tissue of most Democrats.
I think it would make me convulse and spaz horribly, whilst foaming at the mouth. It would degenerate my brain so bad, that I would be retarded for the rest of my life.
Plus, they have not blood like yours and mine, but an oily, vomitus substance going through their shriveled black hearts.
OMG think of Ted Kennedy. We’ll need a nuclear reactor for an over.
Happy turkey day
How bout oven………………….. me bad, me drink tooo many beeeers.
Spelled nuclear ok though… wow!
What do sweet potatoes sleep in?
Their yammies of course!!
What made the turkey treachery even worse was the fact that these backstabbing birds had travelled with the Pilgrims on their journey from the Old World. Obviously these foul fowl were sleeper agents for the ninjas and had been recruited in some low-life European port (probably one in France). The native North American turkeys had no knowledge of this ninja/turkey conspiracy, but have borne the shame of it ever since.
A turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. “Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!”
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
“I don’t know” said the farmer. “I never could catch the darn thing!”
bwahaha
Ok, I’m done, parents are here. Ya’ll have a great T-Day 🙂
Yeah, I’m pretty sure Democrats would be unhealthy if eaten. I’m not sure where they keep their venom glands, but it seems to spew out of their mouth when used.
Yeah, you’d figure with all the election losses they’ve had, they’d be
a bit better at handling em.Btw, I don’t know if Democrats would make good eating (as they are turkeys, of a sort) but Ted Kennedy…PICKLED TURKEY??..ugh, grody.Still, aside from
those rough visuals, this day Im thanking God we have brave troops over
seas, a strong President in the white
house and a country that still feels thankful to be here.God bless, Ya’ll
Thank God there was much kung fu fighting! I think most every holiday could be improved with more kung fu fighting.
Yep, leftists have problems even when it comes to preparing their own turkys. The reviews of “Alexander” indicate an enourmous, hard to swallow turkey stuffed with bovine feces.
I’d hesitate to light a match near Ted let alone put him in an oven. It would probably be a hell of a clean up job. something like the “just a little thin mint” scene only with burning chunks.
Hey…wait a second!!
Didn’t Benjamin Franklin want to make the turkey the national bird at one time. Obviously this was well after the traitorous ninja/turkey episode of 1621.
And the Ninja Peace Accord, A.K. as the American Ninja Gold Subversion Treaty of 1679.
I smell a rat. Frank, this must be investigated.
Son of Risasi,
Keep in mind that the French absolutely adored Benjamin Franklin and he adored them.
Okay, I’ve gotta go digest now. OOOOhhhh, I ate too much! (where’s the rest of that pecan pie?!)
Bad enough that Ben Franklin was a Yankee, was loved by the French, went rogue/Clinton with the babes (the only kid that was his that he really liked was an illegitimate one…go figure), but now this turkey thing?!? Worse than the XYZ affair in my book.
What did the hams in VA do to deserve their genocide? And what is up with them being so salty? I know that it isn’t bad for you (like tobacco products and other vegetables, they wouldn’t make it if it was bad for you), but we talk turkey and eat ham in VA. And peanuts. Really.
Sweet Jesus, man! We need answers! Hell, there are people who don’t know if it was the Pilgrims who started Thanksgiving, or the Jamestown settlers before them, or the Spanish in St. Augustine in the 16th century, or just to credit it to George Washington or what.
This is getting more confusing than a liberal’s foreign policy views. Did they put something in the water or what? (Oooooohh, General Ripper was right!)
Funny Red vs Blue thanksgiving link.
Involves Micheal Moore
http://www.redvsblue.com/archive/download.php/?id=487
Hunter I believe you are saying in a veiled form that, Ben Franklin was actually a red communist pinko. Pushing forth the evil Marxist Turkey regime.
So really, if it hadn’t been for all those ninjas we would never have found out about this conspiracy. I am beginning to believe the ninja has got a bad rap. He is simply misunderstood, like a greaser. Perhaps this sounds seditious, but I am beginning to think the ninja is the underdog rebel fighting for his rights. Yeah, it all makes sense….he’s the conservative.
The Ninja throughout history has been anti-establishment fighting the liberal agenda to disarm everybody and put them into servitude to the state. Frank, you have it all wrong. The ninja is the Luke Skywalker on the side of the rebel alliance, as Hillary is Darth Vader to the Empire. And obviously Michael Moore is the evil gangster Jabba the Hut. Who is on the side of the evil empire.
Frank. Come on man, FREE YOUR MIND…there is no spoon. Uh, ninja conspiracy. You are stuck in a matrix.
Uh, dude. That is waaay too many movie references.
Sorry Frank- lame. But thanks for the “thanks”, & I hope you & yours had a very happy T-Day. God Bless America.
Son of Risasi are you crazy! Ninjas have always engaged in backhanded tactics to further the power of there socialist Marxist masters. Such acts include, but are not limited too, poisoning of the political enemies of the shogun, Commissar etc, they would sneak into castles and do a little recon, and they also foraged documents saying that shogun x didn’t serve in the guard and that no one liked him cause he did coke and played pong. (yes this makes Rather is a ninja propagandist.)
And at the risk of being kicked of all the web forums I go to Luke Skywalker was a Terrorist!!!! Consider that when they blew up the Deathstar the 2nd time they killed a lot of civilian contractors. Plus George Lucas is a commie and that was just liberal propaganda. Think about it how is the portrayal of the Empire all that different from the way Mikey Moore portrays Halliburton and G.W. Bush?
Now to the Turkey, I mean I knew that turkeys were/are traitors, hence calling someone a jive turkey, and the carving up and eating of them (the turkeys), but I didn’t relive it was because they betrayed us to the ninjas
(I am thankful I am an American, and for all those troops currently fighting so that I may continue to be an American. god bless them and keep them)
turkey ninjas?!? what about them monkeys? won’t someone please think about them monkeys?
phear them monkeys, people.
Well, all I know is there is now doubt in my mind. As we had one of the founding fathers support the evil turkey. And it was ninjas who brought it to our attention.
As for who is the good guy/bad guy I agree. It’s all in who wins the fight that gets to decide who the “good guy” is. If that rebel scum had been shutdown the Paladin Empire today would not be known as the “Evil Empire”. He was just trying to fix the galaxy after all…
Now excuse me I must talk to some ninjas.
Monkeys, ninjas, democrats, and now turkeys?! Will it never end? Where are our allies?
Did you know that turkeys are so ugly they have to think of swans when they, uh, you know.
OK that was a sick joke. When I was young my parents sent me to a child psychologist, and that kid was no good.
By the time Ol Franklin endoresed the turkey the ones we kept in captivity had had their brains and ability to fly bred out through extensive inbreeding. Kind of like North Eastern Liberals only the turkeys taste better. The escaped and now wild turkey is another matter. Of course the French liked Franklin, he was banging the older broads keeping them happy while their husbands rogered their younger on the side lays. Also he very seldom asked them to do anything and he also spoke ill of the British. He had very little French so he would just nod and smile a lot at whatever they said to him in French. I guess that’s the secret to getting along with the French, never contradict anything they say and and have sex with the old ugly ones.
Read through all these posts this morning. Hung over.
The horror, the horror……..
Happy Thanksgiving, Frank! I hope you had a great time doing your part to rid the Earth of traitorous turkeys!! :o)
Andy, I swear, as God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.
After talking to a ninja, I have decided they aren’t that bad. I am positive they are on our side. Ninja Interview:
R: So, Mr. Ninja I just found out about that whole turkey/Franklin/Stolen ninja gold thing. Do you have any comments to make?
N: The truth has been corrupted. Really if it hadn’t been for us your official bird would be the Turkey, Ben Franklin’s bastard french children would have setup a French master/everyone else is slave caste, and you wouldn’t even be able to ask me that question, since their policy is to throw all babies with funny names into the pagan turkey fires.
R: Well, then. Why do you let Frank post such things about ninjas?
N: The greatest strategy we ever put together was convincing the world we didn’t exist. Besides, Frank is actually a ninja. He uses humor to disarm the public, to allow for massive ninja operations to go unnoticed.
R: Wow! I would not have guessed. What about Frank’s wooden leg?
N: He is semi-retired now, hence the weblog. We figured we could entrust him with that.
R: So how many of you are there? And are there any other famous ninjas we don’t know about…Well other than Frank?
N: Last count, 7,132. But we are split into multiple cells, that way ninjas can never be destroyed. So I don’t really know. We haven’t had a census for 136 years.
R: Okay, how about other famous ninjas?
N: Well…I am not supposed to tell but; Elvis Presley, Debbie Reynolds, the current pope.
R: No WAY!!
N: Way Garth. Abe Vigoda, Vic Damone Jr. , David Hasselhoff, and Douglas MacArthur.
R: Is that all?
N: Nope, but those I named are retired now, and they have stunt doubles that take their place in public life. So even if they were assassinated it wouldn’t matter.
R: Well, thank you Ninja, this has answered many questions I have had since yesterday morning…
N: Thank you. ***Ninja… vanish…
Ninjas lie like a fly with a booger in its eye.
And they make baby Jesus cry!
And after partaking of the delectable turkey, Frank J did a happy dance…
Son of Risasi,
Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
i am afraid for you. Buying into ninja lies. Soon you will qouting Mikey Moore-on as a legit source.
There, there you go. Monkey, you see Michael Moore isn’t a ninja. And he floats in water. Burn the Witch!!!
Witches are evil and ninjas are good.
JJ,
A better punchline would’ve been “You think you could do the same for my wife, except I’m more fond of white meat . . . .”
This is the secret history of Thanksgiving that Maryland is trying to suppress. Join me in singing “The Wall” please.
Well, I’ll be damned.
If’n y’think FrankJ is funny straight up, then this oughta make y’all howl!
IMAO translated to “redneck” dialect
You can enter any site’s URL to do the dialect translation. Have fun, but put the drinks down before clicking…
Desert Cat, I don’t think that a computer can really do that as well as someone who really speaks those dialects can. Just my opinion.
I disagree about slaughtering and roasting the Democrats and feeding them to the masses. After all, they are all about helping the poor…I’m sure Michael Moore could feed most of Sub-Saharan Africa for a month or even longer….
Where is Frank? Did he eat too much turkey and die? Was he killed by ninjas after his shocking anti-ninja expose?
This must be what happens when you stuff your Thanksgiving turkey with peyote…