“Time to spend that political capital, people,” Bush told his staff, “That’s why I called all of you who ain’t resigned yet together. First off, I’d like to thank Rover for this great victory.”
Karl Rove emerged from the shadows. “My evil power grows. Muh ha ha ha!”
“That’s super,” Bush remarked, and looked back to his staff. “Now, let’s think of some ideas of what to do next. Remember, I hate people who disagree with me and find it funny when I do stuff that makes them whine. So, who has an idea?” Bush looked around. “Rummy, you have your hand up. What are your thoughts?”
“War!” Rumsfeld yelled.
“Against who?”
“Rarr!” Rumsfeld shouted as he motioned to a map of the world.
“There will be plenty of time for more war in the next four years, but we have to be more focused than just decimating the entire world,” Bush said, “Who do you think the worst threat is?”
Rumsfeld thought for a moment. “I don’t like North Korea. Their poofy-haired leader’s neck begs daily for my hands to wrap around it and squeeze it until he’s dead.”
“That might be a good idea,” Bush stated, “The troops are getting tired of just killing Islamic extremists, so Commie kill’n might be a nice change of pace.”
“Plus, they have WMD’s,” Condoleezza added.
“I’m not falling for that trick again,” Bush responded, “If we’re going to war with North Korea, let’s make it clear that it’s just to steal their oil.”
“Actually, I have my own idea,” Condi said, “Why don’t we punish Old Europe for being unfaithful to us. I have a plan for overthrowing Paris. Based on their defenses, it should take just five armed Marines and a Humvee. Then, we can raid the treasures of the Louvre. I certainly wouldn’t mind the Mona Lisa on my wall.”
“Nah, I don’t like art,” Bush answered, “Except for a fish – a fish that sings.” Bush chuckled. “What dark times you’ve gotten me through, Big Mouth Billy Bass.”
“I have an idea,” Scott McClellan said, “I have to deal with the press everyday, and it would be great if they were a little more fair and not so mean. So maybe…”
“That’s a great idea!” Bush shouted, “Let’s round up and execute the press!”
“That wasn’t quite what I…”
“We’ll hold a big press conference to lead them into a trap!” Condi declared, a devilish glint in her eyes.
“I just meant that we should…”
“The streets will flow with their blood!” Rumsfeld yelled.
“That’s a little extreme. I just wanted…”
“Then it’s settled,” Bush stated, “We’ll execute the press under the ‘McClellan Murder the Press’ Act.”
“But, uh…”
Laura Bush entered the room. “Since you are all so hard at work, I made you Rice Krispie treats.”
“Hooray!” Bush squealed with glee.
Laura started handing the treats out. “So what did you all decide on?”
“We’re going to kill the press!” Bush exclaimed.
“That’s a horrible idea!” Laura shouted, “Who thought of something so evil.”
Everyone pointed to Scott.
“Then no treat for you!” Laura declared as she took away the Rice Krispie treat from Scott’s grasp.
“Aww,” Scott moaned, “I hate this administration.”
Bloody cough, first…
About time the press got what it deserved. (Poor Scott, just can’t get no respect!)
Rice Crispy Treats!
Frank, could you please oh please oh please do an “In an Alternate World” series where John F’n sKerry won? Maybe you could end it with a Dallas type surprise dream ending.
how do you do it.
You’re a comic genius i tell ya
After the average “Bush Speaks to the Country” mp3, I’m glad to see Frank back on top form! You’ve outdone yourself, sir!
“Plus, they have WMD’s,” Condoleezza added.
“I’m not falling for that trick again,” Bush responded, “If we’re going to war with North Korea, let’s make it clear that it’s just to steal their oil.”
My students are looking at me like they’re wondering what size straightjacket and how many paramedics it would take to contain me.
Frank, you should know better. It wouldn’t take five Marines to overthrow Paris. Just send in Buck. He could do the job while sleeping.
Condi: Based on their defenses, it should take just five armed Marines and a Humvee.
Only if we sent brand new, fresh out of boot marines, would it take five.
I’m saying that Buck and JoeFoo, could git er done by comandeering a french taxi, and bringing along a WWII era bazooka.
“Nah, I don’t like art,” Bush answered, “Except for a fish – a fish that sings.” Bush chuckled. “What dark times you’ve gotten me through, Big Mouth Billy Bass.”
Priceless. Simply priceless. :oD
Will Scott ever stop being such a pissy little bitch?
Doubt it.
Everything I know about politics I learned from reading Frank’s In My World. And you can quote me on that!
Caroline E., Condi meant that you’ll need five Marines to raise the flag and a Humvee to carry it in. All five need to be armed in order to scare everyone away.
ohh, now i want rice krispy treats for breakfast!
I like the singing fish too. I suppose the president’s bass sings “We are the Champions!” and “How Do Ya Like Me Now!”.
Bush looked around. “Rummy, you have your hand up. What are your thoughts?”
“War!” Rumsfeld yelled.
“Against who?”
“Rarr!” Rumsfeld shouted as he motioned to a map of the world.
*** dude, now I have to be more careful reading your stuff because I almost lost it suppressing my laughter during my constitutional law class ***
Obligatory Simpson’s reference:
Karl Rove emerged from the shadows. “My evil power grows. Muh ha ha ha!”
“Eeexcellent,” Bush remarked.
Sitcom of the year. You should forward this to Trey Parker and Matt stone of ‘South Park’ fame.
I’m sorry, but my president would never, ever, “Squeal with Glee”
I’ll leave that to the pig stuck demoncrats
“The streets will flow with their blood!” Rumsfeld yelled.
Just great, Frank.
Us Scotts’ on IMAO need to get on ol pansy Scott here – what a wuss! You give Scotts’ a bad name!
Put me in there – I will be charging ahead of ol’ Chomps and Rummy to kill the media, North Korea, Iran, etc.
Haha! 😀 Good job, Frank!!
Ouch! My sides hurt from laughing. Good stuff. Thanks
Actually more like half a piece of maccaroni, a surgeon and a rubber tube.