I know it has become a cliché to say that if this or that happens then “the terrorists will have won,” but I’m convinced that, if Western Society is destroyed, all non-Muslims are killed, and the entire world comes under a theocratic Islamist rule, then the terrorists will have won. You may say I’m grandstanding with such a statement, to which I respond, “SHUT YOUR DIRTY MOUTH! HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME!”
I seriously think that, if the terrorists killed us all off and put the world under the rule of mad mullahs, they would declare victory. You might think that’s hyperbole, but don’t you think that if America is razed and Islam the only religion in existence, the terrorists will find that as cause to celebrate?
I know, most of you think that, as long as we have curbside check in, then the terrorists haven’t won – and that’s probably true. It’s just I believe that, if the terrorists start running around our country killing people and blowing up buildings, someone needs to say something against that or they may win. If the President is replaced by an Ayatollah, then dude, that’s a problem. You have to make noise about this sort of thing, or, I dare say, the terrorists will win.
So, what’s the chance that the terrorists will destroy Western Society, kill all non-Muslims, and place the entire world under a theocratic Islamist rule, and, in my opinion, thus win? Well, it’s a lot of zeros following a decimal and ending in a one. I don’t feel like writing it all out, but that one after all the zeros means there is a chance. And, if there’s one thing Americans don’t like, it’s terrorists winning. So what to do?
First off, make sure democracy isn’t replaced with an Islamist theocracy. If you suspect that is happening, find the nearest police officer and tell him. Also, buy some duct tape; terrorists fear that for some reason. Finally, support the military in killing all terrorists. I’m pretty sure terrorists have to be living to win, so, if they’re all rotting corpses being chewed on by dogs, we’ll be plenty safe.
Now, despite the culture and technology of the terrorists being inferior to ours in every measurable way, they think they can beat us because of Allah. This could be a problem. Do we have a way to bring down Allah? Silver bullets, maybe? Anyway, if you find yourself confronted by Allah, don’t panic; an Allah can sense fear and it just makes it angrier.
Sorry to be going over old points, but I really believe that, if Western Society is destroyed, all non-Muslims are killed, and the entire world comes under a theocratic Islamist rule, then the terrorists will have won, and I also believe it’s worth pointing out. Furthermore, if the terrorists go to Vegas and play Blackjack and are dealt a King and an Ace while the dealer is showing a six, then the terrorists will have won – but to a lesser degree.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us – though is still available to replace William Safire if anyone from the NY Times is reading – and is the author of such books as “If You Don’t Buy This Book, the Terrorista Will Have Won” and “Queer Eye for the Queer Guy Who Isn’t Quite as Queer as the Other Queer Guys” (I just wrote the foreward to that one; long story).
I refuse to say “First”. That’s so gay, and it irritates Frank.
You’re being kind of grandstanding making that statement.
Frank, this damn contest has made me an addict!
Yeah Ford, do you think you’re better than us “Firsters” or something?? 🙂
Third!
I see there’s going to be stiff competition for the winning post! But I WILL prevail muahahaha
Oh yeah, the contest post… I’ll do that later…
hubby and I use the “the terrorists win” remark constantly…for example, “Karl, if you don’t clear the table the terrorists win.” or “Honey, if you don’t let me buy this new rifle, the terrorists win.”
It works in almost any circumstance, and usually convinces the person to go along with what is being requested…I don’t want to be responsible for terrorist victory!!
“a lot of zeroes following a decimal and ending in a one.”
Mwheh.
We definetely need to be wary of terrorists winning at blackjack. That could finance WMD’s.
“First off, make sure democracy isn’t replaced with an Islamist theocracy. If you suspect that is happening, find the nearest police officer and tell him”
ROFL Frank.
Why the hell haven’t you got your own show?
damn allah and his imperviousness to silver bullets!
Vegas needs more guns. Arm all blackjack dealers, ‘cuz we can’t be too careful.
What if Western Society is destroyed, all non-Muslims are killed, and the entire world comes under a theocratic Islamist rule, but Andy Griffith reruns are still available? Would the terrorists still have won?
Rikor,
When you don’t exist (speaking of Allah, here, not Yahweh) Silver bullets are pretty inconsequential.
But Allah does exist. I saw him commenting at Protein Wisdom just yesterday.
(steps back and hopes to watch yet another front on the Funny Blog Wars open up.)
Fifteenth!
President Bush and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, “Isn’t that Bush and Rumsfeld
sitting over there?”
The barman says, “Yep, that’s them.”
So the guy walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real honor! . What are
you guys doing in here?”
Bush says, “We’re planning WW III.”
And the guy says, “Really? What’s going to happen?”
Bush says, “Well, we’re going to kill 140 million Muslims this time and one blonde with big boobs.”
The guy exclaimed, “A blonde with big boobs? Why kill a blonde with big
boobs?”
Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, “See, I told you no one would worry
about the Muslims”.
ahhh recycled racial humor…
Why do terrorists ‘feat’ duct tape?
brew,
Because r is next to t
i just voted on the web blog award site and out of nowhere some site called protien wisdom is now in second. I went to this site and the guy is ripping on the red staters inteligence. I kept reading and found out he is from Colorado. Thats where I am from too and if I remeber right….we voted republican. So everyone get out and vote for IMAO so this idiot doesn’t wind up overtaking Frank.
Today, I was reading the Jawa Report’s suggestion/arguement to nuke mecca… and then I started snooping around for info on this Black Kabba Stone of Mecca… WTF? It’s a friggin’ meteor! It’s like worshipping the Blarney stone, minus the cool hanging upside down, over a castle wall, to kiss it. And the Irish got Guiness! OMG, this “religion of peace” just gets stranger by the second.
huh? I only understand “religion of peace”.
Like I have done, I suggest all non-muslims place a sign in their front yard declaring “Terrorist Free Zone”.
At some point, Rumsfelds clone can simply bomb all non-terrorist free zones’.
Pretty simple really.
Bob, I think the last time that was attempted it involved lamb’s blood. Worked like a charm.
Ahaha DaleP! Don’t jump to conclusions. He’s more subtle than that. He’s poking fun at the blue-state elitist snobs by holding up for ridicule the most extreme stereotypes they use–sort of like Rush’s “demonstrating absurdity by being absurd”, but just a bit more subtle.
I nearly croaked at that “toilet seat horseshoes” pic!
Terrorists winning at blackjack? Muslims don’t gamble, they make sure they blow up with the car.
They really do want genocide, but against Israel. They equate us with Israel, so they want all of us dead, too, so they can kill all the jooos.
“Do we have a way to bring down Allah?” Yes. Proclaim the truth of our faith. YHWH led His chosen through the Red Sea (Gulf of Aqaba) to Mt. Sinai, which is in Saudi Arabia. The Saudis know this and have fenced the area off and posted armed guards.
The top of the mountain is darkened, because God came down in fire on the mountain and SPOKE the 10 Commandments to the people. (Exodus 19 & 20)
Scared the heck out of ’em.
shut ur trap stupid bitch !