Higher education is important to this country. Without good colleges, we would…
Ah, screw the lede. Let’s get to the main point: liberal college professors should be rounded up and executed by the state. If you don’t know why, then you haven’t been to college or paid much attention to the news.
I know; a lot of you are probably squeamish at the phrase “rounded up and executed by the state,” but let’s look at this logically. Liberal college professors are annoying. When I was in college, I just wanted to learn about digital circuits, but they made me take classes about literature and other crap where the professor would spout about how horrible the white man is and how bad America is. I’d then start to charge him to strangle him, but then I realized that might cost me a letter grade.
See? Students can’t handle this themselves. These people are spreading lies to our children at their most vulnerable age – their early twenties – about how America is evil. This gives comfort to terrorists… or it would if anyone took them seriously. In the least, it’s irritating.
“But why execution?” you might ask. Because just shutting them up would be abridging their freedom of speech which is unconstitutional. Execution, on the other hand, is perfectly constitutional. And before you say we’re executing them for their speech, I remind you that we’ll be executing them for their speech and for being college professors. They sought out these positions as evil propagandists, and now it’s time for the chickens to come home to roost. And you know what that means…
Eggs!
…or something. Anyway, it’ll be funny, because, when we round then up, they’ll be like, “See! You’re just as evil and fascist as our fevered minds imagined!”
And we can answer, “Actually, we weren’t. But then we got the idea from you!”
There will probably be some protest from other countries such as France saying, “First they round up and kill their intellectuals! Who will the vile Americans kill next?”
We should have our ambassador answer, “Maybe the Europeans.” That’ll shut ’em up.
Now you might be asking who will teach in place of the now condemned professors. Well, most of those weren’t doing much teaching anyway… at least in any subject that is useful. If we need to replace them, though, I’d say use good ‘ole American grizzled Marine drill instructors.
“By the end of this class, you will either love America or fear it as an angry god!”
So let’s get to this. It’s for The Children™.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “Proper Handgun Usage While Parasailing” and “Frank’s Bible Study Guide – Now Condemned by Most Religious Authorities!”.
First
Frank:
Without liberal teachers, there would be no indoctrinated moonbat student protestors…and without student protestors, you and I become obsolete in the war on idiotarians…do we really want to go that far?
Darth, there will be others to pick on, like Jimmy Carter and Howard Dean. I say “Off with their heads!” Do we still execute by public beheadings here? If not, we should.
Sounds good, but I don’t have to use good ammo, do I? FMJ’s would be okay?
as long as it’s for the children. can we throw in line item veto?
As a conservative college student, I agree. But then, we may not graduate as “well rounded individuals.” But then again, who cares?
/go UTD!
On a serious note, check this site out.
http://academicbias.com/
If your a non-liberal student and have experienced or know of someone who has experienced any bias, please submit to this site.
Hmm, I like the idea, but I don’t think there would be anyone left for me to take classes from.
At least wait until I finish undergrad and grad school before starting this.
Then I’ll give you a list of names.
Can I send this (with appropriate citation, of course) to my campus newspaper?
Mongo, don’t think of it as using up your good ammo. Think, instead of taking advantage of the chance to run real life penetration and expansion tests. I’m told that using a Lefty perfesser is much closer a test media than is that ballistic gelatin from Kind and Knox to how a bullet acts in a real human being.
The Lefties would finally contribute something to the advancement of human knowlege.
Thank you Frank
Instead of rounding up the professors, could we not implement an open hunt? That would be real fun to set up a blind inside the classroom, and waiting for the prize to show his/her face. Them, BAM!, you bag them!
Aynsley,
Sure. Why not.
You’ll believe anything when you’re hungover.
I am taking a Soviet foreign policy class at a major university. Imagine my suprise in learning that the U.S. did NOT win WWII. Oh, and the topper is that Ronald Reagan did NOT win the cold war. Gorbachev did.
That is what 20-something kids are learning at a liberal arts college near you.
This is sort of a reminder of how old I’m getting. When I was in college (1969-1972), there were only three or four professors whose politics I even could have guessed, and none was abusive about it.
Thankfully I am in engineering so my exposure is minimal. Unfortunately I do have to take required “bacc. core” classes to graduate.
Number one on my hit list is Dr. Marcus Borg (the Jesus Seminar dude).
BTW this is our conservative paper.
http://www.theliberty.org
really? gorbachev? you mean the guy who’s glorious communistic paradise fell before the evil throes of capitalism? i think my defintions of ‘won’ and ‘lost’ are a little mixed up then.
For the purpose of this proposal, can “The State” please be defined as either Will Aitch or SCSIwuzzy?
Kinda like the Rock. He’s not really rock, after all.
So, as the State, I can go out on stage, tap the moonbats with my trusty cattleprod, then club them like a baby seal with my ever present mechanics hammer. Broadcast it on TV. Great ratings.
SHOCK COLLARS…
I’m an almost 35 year old college student and the Profs still think their BS will work on an old bat like me.
Btw-I volunteer the staff of my school’s “newspaper” for the firing squad because they’re a bunch of useless lefty zombies-and they can’t write for s***!
Eggs!!
That’s great! When we get all those eggs can we egg the professors before we execute them? Or maybe celebrate the executions with a record breaking omlette breakfast?
Great Idea!! This is the best Frank has ever done. Can’t wait til my campus starts getting cleaned.
Why should these scoundrels be allowed to brainwash students anymore? i say we send them all to outer siberia and let them teach nothing
I am the token conservative at the most liberal law school in the nation. Here is an example of the lunacy here:
http://www2.kval.com/x30530.xml?ParentPageID=x2649&ContentID=x49096&Layout=kval.xsl&AdGroupID=x30530
This is a wonderful continuation of the “Nuke the Moon” doctrine…
Yeah! I’m a liberal, and I’m liking this idea. College perfesser-types should be ideology-neutral when they’re teaching. Otherwise, The Red Queen’s Law applies — off with their heads!