Recently Frank J. asked us to comment on women in combat. This got me into some really deep, instropective thinking. The kind that makes you shudder so badly you almost spill your beer. Yes, that would indeed be a remarkable change – but WHAT exactly could we expect to be different? My thoughts…
Ducky’s Dozen…
If Women Were in Combat. What changes could we expect?..
12. Camouflauge paint made by Mary Kay. With Moisturizers and SPF-15
11. Rifles in designer colors with “fingernail friendly” triggers.
10. It would mark the first time a soldier ever said, “Does this Flak Jacket make me look fat?”
9. His and Hers Night Vision Goggles..
8. Interrogations carried out in a warm, nurturing manner.
7. Killings carried out in a warm, nurturing manner.
6. Chocolate issued as a combat field ration. In every meal.
5. Every third raid would be “Ladies’ Raid” (Shoot one get one free)
4. One week out of the month — they would be more dangerous than ARmy Rangers. But less emotional.
3. I don’t know. Who do YOU want to kill tonight?
2. More combat sweaters. 120 degrees? Is it me or is it cold?
And the number one change we’d have if women were in combat…
1. Soldiers wouldn’t need GPS. “Excuse me, sir? We’re looking for Fallujah?”
Disclaimer: Ducky did not mean any direct offense to any females. Especially, MRS. Ducky. Although rifles do come in designer colors, that doesn’t mean you should point them at people. Always wear a sweater when it’s cold, even when in the desert. Neither RWD nor IMAO condone torture in interrogations. Unless “they fell”. Mary Kay cosmetics is not a subsidiary of IMAO. IMAO is not a subsidiary of Mary Kay. How does one spell subsidiary? I really should invest in spell check.
Killings carried out in a warm, nurturing manner.
Women in combat will make military service resemble Alfred Hitchcock’s saying “Make your love scenes like murder scenes and your murder scenes like love scenes.”
Nah, women in combats aren’t half bad. I still prefer them in skimpy swimsuits but…
…what?
I do believe we all have our opinions, we all have asses too.
With that being said- Happy Armed Forces Day and I want to thank you for “most” of what you do.
😛
“One week out of the month — they would be more dangerous than ARmy Rangers. But less emotional.”
Considering I used to me one (an Army Ranger, not a woman) I appreciate the heck out of that. Too funny!
OOps. me=be
Leuthen,
I wasn’t sure if anybody would get that one!! You guys were totally crazy.
“Let’s go running.”
“Running? Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I LOVE RUNNING. RANGERS Whhhoa!”
MOM: Still love me? BTW, I have a GREAT ass, too.
“3. I don’t know. Who do YOU want to kill tonight?”
LOL! 😀
Yeah, I hear that one a lot from my wife the serial killer… 🙂
I like that one best.
Top notch, as always, Ducky!
(ninth! Is that ok?)
Harvey and I both like number 3 at exactly 8:54 PM?
You’re freaking me out Harvey. My little cockroach brain is starting to smoke!!!
(Cue Twilight Zone music)
There’s now a duck blogging at IMAO? Well, I’ve been out of the loop for awhile…
This is the 3rd time recently that I’ve seen duck bloggage. The first time was The Flaming Duck, which was nice enough to blogroll me. And I don’t remember who the next one was… But I posted a comment there – was that you?
Yep, can’t stay mad long. Besides if you do have a nice ass,and I seen it, I would never get mad. Got to love a good ass.
Maybe you should add only the woman who are going through “Their Change” can be in combat.#1-hotflashes. #2-mad as hell and don’t know why. #3-able to leap tall tanks in a single bound.
I suggest dropping leaflets of catchphrases guaranteed to piss women off. Then have the terrorists read those phrases to our women in arms.
It would be beautiful…..
Re #1: British Army camo cream is made by a divison of Max Factor. No shit. And I believe you could make fun of a British soldier, right up until the time he grabbed you by the neck and playfully crushed your trachea.
Oh, and you’ve never been anywhere near the military, have you? Of COURSE chocolate is provided in field rations. Duh. Usually Mars bars, Yorkies, Milky Ways, Kit Kats or Snickers in British Army 24-hour ration packs.
andophiroxia wrote:
I suggest dropping leaflets of catchphrases guaranteed to piss women off. Then have the terrorists read those phrases to our women in arms.
Terrorist: You… butt… very… big.
Female soldier: GrrrrrrRRRR..
Terrorist: You buy shoes… from Pic and Pay.
Female soldier: …RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…
Terrorist: Your cooking… not as… good as mother’s.
Female soldier: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH I’LL KILL YOU YOU BASTARD EAT SOME OF THIS!! (rata-tata-tata-tata…)
Having observed female black belts sparring, I’d like to offer this observation. Most women aren’t cultured conditioned to “fight”,but once they learn, watch out. When women awaken their “inner lioness” they can be ferocious.
And none of the vehicles would EVER be parallel-parked.
Mirramele, … ahem … are you out of your freaking mind? “inner lioness”?
Give me the geekiest nerd for 8 weeks of basic training and he’ll kick the crap out of a whole platoon of black-belt women. WHY?
Because men’s trigger fingers are emotionally detached from their brains. That’s the way God wired us. He did it for this very reason. So that we can protect what is ours without “feeling” bad about what we’re doing until its done. God bless our masculinity!
DG,
I served four years in the Army back starting in 86. Back then, the MRI’s didn’t feature chocolate. If we got lucky, we had that chocalate chip loaf thing. or a cookie.
aakash,
I don’t know if that was my blog you commented on. The important thing is that you are here now, right?
That came off a bit harsh. All I know is that if you get between a squaddie and his Mars Bar, you’re in trouble.
I’ve heard MREs are pretty terrible. A buddy of mine who was in Gulf War I said that there was a pretty good trade between US and UK forces. US camp beds (much better than the British ones) went one way, and UK Compo ration packs (way better than MREs) went the other.
Anyone who doesn’t think that a well-trained American Soldier, Sailor, Airman or Marine can’t handle combat, is simply a fool.
I’ve spent over 20 years in the Air Force and the past seven in joint billets (with other services). Male or Female doesn’t mean a damn thing…it’s the quality of the person that makes the difference.
RightWingDuck
Aakash was talking about my blog, The Flaming Duck. I think that he was amazed to see several references to ducks in the blogosphere, yours being the latest. I have to admit, when I was choosing a name, I went through 20-30 possible candidates but found that each one was already taken. Finally I thought about my all-time favorite joke (see the blog for the joke) and I was sure that I had found something unique. But alas, I was not to be. There are actually several “ducks” in the blogosphere. What is unusual is that 3 of the 4 that I have found have turned out to be conservative. Is there something in the genes of a duck that means it is unable to be a liberal?! =;^)
Terrorist: Your cooking… not as… good as mother’s.
Female soldier: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH I’LL KILL YOU YOU BASTARD EAT SOME OF THIS!! (rata-tata-tata-tata…)
Posted by Sue Dohnim at May 23, 2005 08:49 AM
Good one, Sue!