George W. Bush is visiting Europe & Russia this week as part of the “See? I Told You So!” Victory Tour, although the official excuse is to mark the 60th anniversary of VE Day (or “Don’t Make Us Come Over There Again Day”, as it’s known in the US). Naturally, Bush’s visit caused thousands of smelly Euro-hippies to take to the streets in The Netherlands.
No, I’ve never heard of that country either.
So I did some Googling so I could present (in the extended entry) these:
- People who live in The Netherlands are called “Dutch”, which makes about as much sense as calling peole who live in France “Great – yet humble – warriors”
- Most people refer to The Netherlands as “Holland”, since having the word “The” in your country’s name is, like, totally gay.
- Except for The United States of America, which is only gay along the edges.
- They added the “The” to “Netherlands” to differentiate it from all the other cheap knock-off imitation Netherlands that flooded the market after it became popular.
- Damn Chinese and their market-flooding cheap knock-offs!
- The Netherlands used to be called the The Netherregions, but people complained that it sounded too dirty.
- The Netherlands is known for its many windmills, most of which are non-poisonous.
- However, if a windmill bites you – even a non-poisonous one – your will become a lunatic donkey-riding Conquistador.
- It’s legal to smoke marijuana in The Netherlands, which would explain why all the filthy Euro-hippie protesters are there in the first place.
- Experts agree that the best Tulips are grown in the Netherlands, having the highest THC content of any Tulip in the world.
- The Netherlands has no official language. It’s citizens communicate with each other by hooting like excited monkeys.
- They can, however, be taught English through the judicious application of a cattle prod.
- The official currency of The Netherlands is the Euro, but with a subtle hand gesture, you can persuade most shopkeepers to accept Imperial Credits.
If I overlooked any important facts about the Netherlands, let me know in the comments.
The Netherlands hold the Mecca of hippies witch is commonly known as Amsterdam. This is the city in which the Damned hamsters for centuries but lost the H in recent history due to filthy Euro spelling.
The Netherlands is also where the U.S. sends their cancer and glaucoma patients so they can become hippies and die a much more humane death where they just recieve a quick bullet to the head by a capitalist who thinks that hippies smell.
U.S. and British forces liberated the netherlands, during Operation Market Garden, from Nazi Germany. It turns out that wooden shoes are not the best foot wear for Netherland’s soldiers, as it is hard to sneak up on the enemy when every time you take a step it sounds like some one is at the front door.
The Netherlands is also a haven for feminist, because they have found a useful purpose for dikes.
O.K. that’s the last one I have to get some real work done now.
..but serious. There were no mass protests during Bush’s visit. I blogged about some smaller protests, here:
http://sered.blogspot.com/2005/05/bush-visit-protests.html
FWIW, I think it’s nice to see that a parade of WWII trucks with Canadian WWII vets draws a larger audience than anti-GW Bush demonstrations!
Other than that – yes, most of my countrymen don’t like GWB. I’ve blogged about that too, as did http://www.peaktalk.com.
There were no mass protests in The Netherlands – I should know, I live there!
I blogged about some smaller demonstrations here:
http://sered.blogspot.com/2005/05/bush-visit-protests.html
..sorry about that. It seemed my comment wasn’t posted the first time around, but it was.
In a battle between Auqaman and The Netherlands, Auqaman would become confused that even though most of the country is below sea he would be thwarted by the system of dikes. In his confusion he would be beaten to death with wooden shoes.
I just realized that I misspelled the name Aquaman in my previous post. I was upset about this because I try very hard to spell things right when posting. I got over that feeling when I realized two things.
1. Like Corben Dallas, I only speak two languages. English and Bad English.
and
2. It is Aquaman after all.
The Netherlands is an alternate retelling of the original Netherlands: the Animated Series, detailing its third year as a sovereign nation as it meets its adversaries for the first time, all of which have had a radical re-design.
If you ever want coffee in Amsterdam, don’t go into a place called a coffee house. These establishments are where they sell marijuana. Though I was told by a native that they serve good food there. If you want coffee, go to a cafe.
You can also window-shop for whores.
Not to mention that it’s the birthplace of former Victoria’s Secret swimsuit model Frederique Van Der Wal, which, translated to English, means “somebody who doesn’t look anything like somebody named Fred.”
The national hero of the Netherlands is a little boy who put his finger in a dike.
…you do the math.
Don’t expose your NetherRegions when visiting NetherLand Ranch.
The official transportation is the bicycle with no helmet. That’s because it’s easier to fish out of the canals after you steer off the road because you’ve been smoking too much pot. And if you’re smoking pot… why would you need a helmet anyway?
The Netherlands is the place where you can have a baby, and if you dislike it, euthanize the child.
“The national hero of the Netherlands is a little boy who put his finger in a dike.”
Actually, it was a cross-dressing girl, but that’s a secret, so don’t tell anyone I told you.
Ah. That makes more sense now.