Every time I go to Canada, I get into some kind of misadventure that is neither comical nor interesting. Much like Canada itself.
My latest misadventure to Canada was capped off by a walk past the Luk Fook Jewelry (whose company profile notes they: “operates 28 jewellery retail shops in Hong Kong, Macau and Canada, realizing economies of scale for group operations and the brand name effect”) store where my wife proceeded to drop an outrageous amount of money on wedding rings. Here are a couple of facts you should know:
- I’ve been married for five years and therefore already paid for my wife’s engagement ring, a wedding ring, and my own wedding ring five friggin’ years ago.
- Canadian “jewellery” isn’t any less expensive than American “jewelry” but is apparently spelled “jewellry” so as to show off its decidedly non-American Canadian-ness.
Why women are reading this post right now is not a mystery to me at all: I asked you not to read so of course–you’re reading… Yeah, I caught you and you’re busted, honey. Lemme talk to the boys again:
I wanna ask every married man that reads IMAO a question: If you walked past a Best Buy in the mall and decided you were gonna blow three grand on a new HDTV plasma screen (even though you already have a five year-old TV that works perfectly), would your wife back you up on that little impulse purchase or would she immediately call her girlfriends, her little sister, her mom, her aunt, and the Dr. Laura show to complain about how all you care about is the NBA playoffs?
Man, if it wasn’t for Tim Horton’s, I’d friggin’ despise Canada.
For those who don’t know, Tim Horton’s is to Canada what Starbuck’s is to America. However, many Canadians might be horrified to learn that their national culinary mascot is owned by American food industry powerhouse Wendy’s International, Inc.. Even in light of that great company being falsely accused by a finger-collecting psycho hag and her willing accomplices in the Old Media, I am a Wendy’s fan. The day after that phony scandal broke I ate at my local Wendy’s restaurant.
Dude, you know Texas Double-Bacon Cheesburgers are Man-food!
So let me see if I have this straight. Your wife of 5 years spent obscene amounts of money on wedding rings?
You should go out and buy that TV. If she gives you shit about it just point her to those new rings.
Of course, I’ve never been married.
You are now authorized to spend $3000 on WAY-COOL firearms. Tell her I said so…
Ooh, ooh, get one of those S+W .50’s, or a 1911 in 45 GAP.
Can I shoot them when you get them, since it was my idea?
You are gonna get to wear one of those rings, right? RIGHT?
I certainly wouldn’t let her watch the HDTV if not.
Heading to Canada at the end of the month.
I’ll be sure to avoid jewellry stores.
Any ideas about how to keep my better half away from the Casinos?
“I wanna ask every married man that reads IMAO a question…”
She wouldn’t call anyone, she’d just look at me Very Sternly, or look Very Disappointed, which would pretty much end it right there. On the other hand, she’s never spent like that on impulse either, so I guess I should consider myself lucky!
The world is a great place when Canadians can hate us, but we own their donuts.
I think we should trade them donuts for prescription drugs. Sounds fair to me.
Whataburger® Double Bacon Cheeseburgers with Jalapenos are Man-food. Wendy’s® is food for the girlie-man.
I cannot see spending lots of money for more wedding rings, when I already have them, & I am a woman.
Oh, and the best buy thing, sigh Well, I could probably think of an excuse to back my husband up, maybe like a smaller HDTV for our bedroom.
(and I wonder why my husband loves me so much, hahahaha!)
Saying Tim Horton’s is like Starbucks is a horrible slap in the face to Tim. Besides holding the blue line, Tim’s sour cream donuts kick ass and don’t forget about the Tim’s sauce.
In a war, Rhode Island could kick Canada’s ass. Hell, a Los Angeles street gang could kick Canada’s ass. Even Aquaman could kick Canada’s ass.
While it is true that Tim Hortons is owned by Wendy’s International, Wendy’s largest shareholder is a Canadian, the chap who previously owned Timmie’s.
Also:
1. We have ranches larger than Rhode Island.
2. LA gangs would freeze in most of Canada, but in Vancouver they would be overcome by real weed.
3. Aquaman has never met the Tyee.
Cheers
JMH
Well, yes, my wife would support me in the HDTV impulse purchase, but only because she really wants one too. I told her to keep her mouth shut, so I could preserve the last piece of male dignity I have left and at least FEEL like I’m buying something for me…
I even talked her into griping about it for a few minutes, just so I’d feel like I was getting my way over hers…
…I’m sick…I know.
My wedding ring is over 18 years old and it works just fine. But my TV is crap so I’m all for the HDTV idea. Buddy you got taken!
Screw buying rings. Save up for something cool like a boat or a vacation, you know…the important things in life.
she would if I had signed the contract for the pool the day before.
which I did
it always seems to me that americans only feel better about themselves when they are ridiculing others and it seems that they r easily swayed to Canada because if they say anything about anybody else bombs may be a coming tee hee.
Nah, shane, it’s ’cause Canada just plain sucks. It’s like comparing a real man’s American revolver to some crappy Chinese knockoff… Or American beer to German beer.
Oh yeah, and we make fun of others ’cause we’ve earned the bragging rights for saving their useless asses so many times in such a (relatively) short period.
And capitalize America next time… Scumbag.