(A Filthy Lie)
I always knew that Glenn Reynolds was a heartless monster – what with his puppy blending, hobo-killing, satan-worshipping, robot-dancing, commie-lovin’, Frank J. punchin’, peeing on cats’ heads… oh wait… that was Frank… penguin pornography, and lack of linkage to the Carnival of Comedy, even when it has a flattering Instapundit theme – but somehow I never expected him to post a list of ways that he’s personally mishandled the Koran.
Just amazing.
I mean, I knew he was a lawyer & everything, but that’s just completely soulless.
UPDATE: That link to Instapundit isn’t working, so I’ve put his entire post in the extended entry…
Heh. There seems to be some sort of kerfluffle about people abusing the Koran down in Gitmo – turns out it’s the inmates. Sleeping on it like a pillow, kicking it like a soccer ball, peeing on it like a pregnancy test – things of that nature.
Personally, I don’t understand the unpleasant reaction in the Muslim world. I say the imprisoned terrorists are just celebrating the amazing versatility of the Koran.
When most people think “Koran”, they think “why do those stupid Arabs spell it with a Q?”, but the Koran actually has a variety of uses beyond being a handbook of excuses to commit murder and blame it on God. In fact, here’s a list of things I’ve used a Koran (or at least parts of it) for in just the last week:
* Propping up the short table leg
* Draining sweet, crispy bacon strips
* Emergency Swiffer cloth replacements
* Rolling papers (for legal tobacco use only, must be over 21)
* Making spitballs (just like the ones Democrats supply to the US Armed Forces!)
* Kindling
* Dusting Venetian blinds
* Cat box liner
* Paper-training snacks puppies
* Chamois
* Diapers
* Third base
* Wheel chocks
* Picking random words for filling out Mad Libs
* Replacement air filter for my Yugo
* Kleenex
* Kotex (well, technically, that was the Instawife)
* Litmus paper (turns yellow in the presence of gunpowder)
* Stadium seat cushion
* Making snowflakes
* Voinovich crying towel
* Clever means of hiding my Necronomicon whilst reading on the bus as I’m casing the vehicle for hobos
All in all an incredibly practical item. Truly the Swiss Army Knife of books.
Indeed.
I always new he could manage something more than just pushing puree on the blender.
STOP.
You had me at, “has a variety of uses beyond being a handbook of excuses to commit murder and blame it on God.”
Good bit, eh what?
I must agree with Confederate Yankee on that on. Funny, Harv. I also liked the Mad Libs one.
The Reynoldsesque Carnival intros were cool, too.
Interestingly , page 3 in that Necronomicon is the first chapter called “The Testimony of the Mad Arab.
I kid you not.
Freaky, and creepy.
Wow the versatility is just amazing!
Oh, but this list would be EVER SO anti-Christian if the same jokes were made about the Bible.
Why is conservative humor never ever funny?
Oasis, it’s always great to have someone jest, I– Wait, you mean you’re not kidding?
Well I guess we lack the sophistication required to belittle people by calling them chimpanzees and nazis whenever we don’t like them.
EVIL MONKEY NAZIS!
Oh, but this list would be EVER SO anti-Christian if the same jokes were made about the Bible. – oASSis
Well, that’s different. The Bible is the REAL religion.
Not some gay one that lets you beat and rape women, and kill people who don’t worship that particular religion.
Been to any good beheadings lately, oASSis?
Conservative humor is funny, but only if one has a sense of humor.
Allah Akbar, Asshat.
(Sorry, Jesus. I will try to be more tolerant of other’s “opinions” from now on. It’s tough, though!)
Nice call on the Evil Monkey Nazis, Adam!
Oasis, Maybe if we got the National Endowment for the Arts to sponsor it we could do all the things they’ve done to Christian icons but then it would be “Art” not desecration. We could put a figurine of Allah upside down in a jar of urine. Or we could paint a picture of Allah using elephant dung. The Muslims would have no place to complain because, after all, it’s just someone’s personl interpretation. Therefore, it’s art!
We could put the Koran in a jar of pee and call it art. Wouldn’t that be pretty?
Now, now, you’re just going to make those nice Muslims mad and force them to fail as a civilization. Oops, too late.
ONE: it’s not “Allah Akbar” as Jimmy B wrote. It’s “Aloha Snackbar” let’s get that right.
TWO: I just ordered my koran from CAIR. I can’t wait to find more uses. Not sure about the KOTEX thing, though. You’d have to hate a woman quite a lot to have her stick that “up there.” Then again, names like The Hildebeast, Sarandon, Pelosi, Fonda come to mind (but they’re in menopause. Let’s see: The Ditsy Shits?; Geannane (sp?)Garafalo?, etc.
First of all, I don’t think that crosses in jars of urine is art either.
But if having your beloved religious icons trashed bothers you, how the f*** do you think it feels like to Muslims? I didn’t realize that sacrilege was so funny. Naturally you people mostly hang out with other like-minded people so you never even hear another point of view. Have fun with your conservative circlejerk.
And by the way, I have never called anyone a monkey or a Nazi. Nazis were pretty specific to one country at one time and did far more than anything Bush or anyone else has done since.
One last thing–the Bible is a holy text, not a religion, dumbf***.
Oasis – It’s not “conservative circle jerk”, it’s “Little Right Wing Circle Jerk”, which is a subsidiary of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy:
http://badexample.mu.nu/archives/034413.php
Quote/Naturally you people mostly hang out with other like-minded people so you never even hear another point of view./end quote
sigh you know, I know the lefties hate everybody, and they always repeat the same rhetoric, but where they always get off saying we aren’t informed about the rest of the world, like CNN, PBS, NBC, and CBS don’t tell us of every single day how evil and introverted we are, like we don’t get a f***ed up lefty liberal view from nearly every TV news channel that exists.
GEEEEEZ!!!
TEEEEEEJ
Why don’t you return to your own lefy circle-jerk. I’m sure you would enjoy that much more than getting a sound beating (proportional to your size, of course) from a bunch of conservatives.
Actually, I thought my very presence on this site would indicate that I’m interested in seeing different points of view so I can at least be educated about other opinions, no matter how ridiculous and hypocritical they are.
It’s funny how you mention that PBS is liberal, considerin the MacLehrer News Hour is funded by conservative organizations and owned by the News Corporation. But it’s much easier to just point and blame than do actual research. Here’s a thought–go read a real liberal magazine, or get yourself a copy of Le Monde, Der Spiegel, or The Daily Mirror. American media is far too corporate and unquestioning of the government to be called liberal, and your allegation only proves your total lack of knowledge.
Oasis – this is a right wing humor site, and 99% of the humor is based on the assumption that the left is wrong. Explanations of WHY the left is wrong are something that’s generally left to the more commentary-oriented sites.
Nothing personal, it’s just that you’re not going to find reasoned discourse here. It’s mostly cruel mockery.
Sorry 🙁
For the record, I’m more open-minded at my own blog (Bad Example). At IMAO, though, it’s all about scoring cheap laughs for the amusement of my target audience of right-wingers.
Oh, and you might want to leave a contact e-mail in case someone DOES want to engage in some reasoned discourse. Being anonymous, you’re far less likely to be taken seriously, since it makes you look like you’re just here to do a little flaming.
I left my email address on a few posts up there.
My point, as I stated in my original post, is that conservative humor is by and large not funny in the slightest. Hell, I found this site after searching for conservative humor to prove a poster on another forum wrong; I’m fair, after all, and I think that either side can be funny. This site has done nothing but support the guy, though. Seriously, some of these bits of “humor” aren’t even thought through seriously, which is what I’ve always found funny about so-called liberal humor. After all, there are some dumb liberals who’ll be happy to make a conservative/Nazi comparison, but the smart ones just let the facts speak for themselves.
Ok, I guess I’m not understanding what you mean my “not funny”.
Comedy = truth + exaggeration
Which is this site lacking?
“Seriously, some of these bits of “humor” aren’t even thought through seriously, which is what I’ve always found funny about so-called liberal humor.”
…so, the problem is that you’re looking for more ‘serious’ humor?
Sorry, only comical humor here.
Harvey —
I suppose it’s missing the “truth” element then.
“I suppose it’s missing the “truth” element then.”
Because as we all know, no terrorist as ever tried to claim that the Koran gave them permison to kill people.
So liberals don’t really believe Bush is an idiot, Rumsfeld is bloodthirsty, and Scott McClellan is tubby?
“but the smart ones just let the facts speak for themselves.”
Which is why we all love Howard Dean.
Oasis – Ah, I think I see the problem.
Well, trying to justify the premise on which the humor rests would kill the delivery anyway, so either way, you’ll probably never find any political humor at IMAO that you can laugh at.
You probably get that same sense of stomach-twisting nausea that I get when I read something by Mad Kane or when I listen to Al Franken.
I suppose you could always try Madfish Willie’s Cyber Saloon. Nothing but juvenile toilet humor & smut over there. That’s where I guest post when I’m feeling sick or dirty instead of political.
No, I really believe Bush is an idiot. I’ve got the brother in Iraq, the veteran benefits he cut for my uncle, the Pell Grant award he reduced for me, and the social security he botched for my mom to prove it. Again, like I said, facts just speak for themselves.
Just want to thank your brother for keeping me safe now and your uncle for keeping me safe then. Bless them both.
The ONLY government programs I support are the ones for veterans. Considering their job description is “take a bullet”, they can’t be paid too much. The cuts were a bad move on Bush’s part.
As for the grants & SS – not as much sympathy. I don’t think the government has any business paying for civilian education or retirement in the first place.
What has Bush done to Social Security?
I’ve seen talk, but nothing done yet.
I think the botched part started at the inception of the program.
My brother isn’t keeping you safe, my uncle didn’t keep you safe, and they both know that. My uncle is now the father of two boys, and when one of them expressed interested in becoming a soldier, the family recoiled in shock. My uncle then patiently explained to his son that his service goes unappreciated and that the work is far too hazardous for the very tiny perceived benefit to this country. My family may have a military tradition, but it isn’t like we’re proud of it.
All I want is for f***ers to stop putting yellow ribbons on their cars and pretending like they’re doing their part.
No, they didn’t guard me directly, but they did play a role in the big scheme. It’s true, most people DON’T appreciate that, but I do.
I find it odd, though, that you complain about your uncle being unappreciated, but you also complain about the people who show their appreciation publicly with yellow ribbons.
I agree, there’s more the ribbon-displayers CAN do, but stateside morale is an important factor, too, and I wouldn’t completely discount the value of those ribbons.
In the overall scheme, it’s a penny in a coffee can, but – nationwide – that DOES add up.
There are people publicly saying that they don’t support the war. It’s important that that noise be balanced by those who do, lest we lose at home like we did in Viet Nam.
I was pretty sure that we lost at home and abroad in Vietnam.
And the ribbons on cars don’t help my brother, not even one slight bit, because his armored vehicle is the only thing providing him support, not a magnetic f***ing ribbon.
Guys, I wouldn’t buy the bs about the yellow ribbons not making a difference, though armored vehicles are great. My husband (Army) absolutely loved/loves hearing about all the ribbons. I even took a bunch of photos of them when traveling from Ft. Riley to Ft. Knox to keep forever. Not only did/do they make me happy, I feel the love when I see them. Hard to not cry when I see so many. Yeah I’ve totally seen the big guy clouding up a couple times too. I can’t explain exactly really, but those yellow ribbons do mean a whole lot (to some of us anyhow). They say “We love and appreciate you”, I think, and certainly is how it feels.
I also have 3 children interested in serving their country and though I worry about my children like all mothers, I’ll be proud should they choose to carry on the military tradition in our family.
Not everyone has become so jaded.
I just hope you don’t become a proud war widow.
Jaded with what, anyway? Taking another person’s life? Jesus Christ.
I speak of becoming jaded about duty, honor, integrity, commitment and sacrifice.
The words duty, honor, integrity, commitment and sacrifice are not just “empty words” to us.
They are reality.
Yeah, don’t sit there and tell me that killing other people who are caught up between two warring rich bastards is honorable. You’re only fed that bullshit so that the deaths look nice on paper. Anyone with half a brain can see that.
oasis,
Sorry to hear that your uncle felt unappreciated for his service. With sons of military age that would make him what, Vietnam era? Mid 70’s? Wonder who it was that made him feal unappreciated. I really hope your brother doesn’t suffer the same fate, apparently so do the people with the yellow ribbons.