Yay! House M.D. is back tonight! If only I didn’t have to wait through American Idol. Actually, we’ll probably watch it tomorrow. God bless the DVR.
Oh, I’d just like to thank the Earsore for all the traffic her skanky prom dress has gotten me over at mm today. And no thanks to Vote For the Worst. I thought their voting for the worst was comical, but now they’re backing the Earsore, and really, do we want her to stick around so she can make me want to pour acid in my ears every time I hear her? So boo on you VFTW peeps. Yer killing me.

IDOLS 01… Lisa is singing “Because of You” by Kelly Clarkson. I wonder if she and Kellie had a big throw-down over who got to sing Kelly Clarkson. Ok, um… this was pretty bad. I like Lisa, I like her voice, she has terrible stage presence. But tonight she worked so hard on the stage presence (no doubt because everyone keeps calling her forgettable and saying she has lousy stage presence) that she completely botched the vocals. Really, she was offkey a lot, screechy a lot, and that hair flip thing was way over the top.
[WITHHELD FOREVER AND EVER AMEN]… Earsore Pickler is singing “Suds in the Bucket” by Sara Evans. That’s a cutesy song to listen to in the car, but it’s not even a showoff song for Sara Evans, and that chick has pipes galore. First of all, Kellie’s very different in her pre-game interview. She is wearing less makeup, for one (she looks better, too), and she’s less buoyant. Did I spell that right? Anyway, it’s like she’s lost some of her thunder. Maybe she started reading all the stuff people write about her idiot act and decided to tone it down? If so, thank you. Or maybe she just got ahold of some bad calamaray. Anyway, my ears hurt after that, no shocker. Her low range is awful. Mine is too, but if I’m picking a song to show off with, I don’t pick a song that goes so deep into my shaky area, or I raise the key to something more comfy for me. Anyway, tonight she was even flatter personality-wise than she normally is vocal-wise, which is kinda boring for us snarkers. Touche, Dimwit, touche. UPDATE: I just went back and rewatched this, because the MRI last week showed that I don’t have tumors in my ears, and I was hoping to grow some so I can be a more interesting patient for the doc. It’s really worse the second time around. Not just the vocals (a given), but also the stage presence and the end talk with the judges (she only winked once or twice, and she hardly made any hand gestures). It’s like she finally got deflated after that ballsy comment and realized the gig is up, and she wants out of the competition ASAP so meanies like me will stop saying ugly things about her.
IDOLS 03… Ace is singing “Drops of Jupiter”, which is a good song choice for him. At the first hair flip, the performance is already way too gay. This was blah and bland and vocally hideous. He has absolutely no energy tonight. Moving on.
IDOLS 04… Look at Taylor! He got a haircut! And he’s wearing something weird, like with a leather jacket and shiny shoes and everything. He’s singing Ray LaMontagne’s “Trouble”. He’s totally not dancing like a freak, which is letting him show off just how great that “whiskey tenor” voice is. Not the most exciting and flashy song, but for some reason this is one of my favorite Taylor performances ever. Hey look, there’s George Huff. I liked him. Anyway, this wasn’t the most exciting, but I would pop this one in the CD player, hop into my hammock, and listen to it over and over while alternately yelling at the golfers driving across my lawn and closing my pretty little eyes.
IDOLS 05… Mandisa is singing “Shackles” by Mary Mary. I love it, she’s Jesus talking even in her song, and she’s singing about freedom in Christ. This is what I love about this girl. She can pick anything she wants, and here she is going with contemporary gospel so she can use her showcase to loosely “witness” (as the kids like to call it these days). The vocals were a tad shaky, but Mandisa pulled it all together and mostly rocked. Frank and I enjoyed ourselves. Simon and Randy didn’t like it (Simon thought it was indulgent??). I felt bad for Mandisa when Paula said there were millions of people joining the church of Mandisa. I said to Frank, “Oh, she’s NOT going to like that comment,” and she was shaking her head and very uncomfortable. Yeah, so Paula’s never heard that whole idolatry bit in the Bible. But it’s such a small part of the 10 Commandments that I’m sure a lot of people miss that part.
Frank just told me the name of the show is American IDOL.
IDOLS 06… Ok, so Ryan and Chris are talking, and giving credit to Live for last week’s version of “I Walk the Line”. Here’s the thing. He probably tried to give credit in his pre-game talk last week, but AI cut it up because it’s TV and that’s what they do. And then all the backlash with people saying that Chris didn’t give credit where credit was due, and if I’m guessing, I’m betting he asked if he could give credit before tonight’s performance. Everyone knows he loves Live, and I don’t think he intentionally left out the credit. Maybe that’s just me.
RYAN SEACREST, YOU MUST STOP GOOGLING “SARAHK” TO SEE WHAT I SAY AND THEN PASS IT OFF AS YOUR OWN. Ryan said he’d love to see Chris sing Celine Dion. Yeah, I already said that. If he starts calling Kellie the Earsore, I’m totally emailing him a tough-love-o-gram. Who am I kidding? Ryan’s all scripted except when Simon’s judging a performance. BTW, Simon appears to be in a mood tonight.
Anyway, Chris is doing “What If” by Creed, which I think is great. Great performance. Simon thinks it’s indulgent and that Chris needs to do something other than rock (after he said last week that he likes that Chris doesn’t compromise – make up your mind). I keep seeing people comment that Chris needs to “branch out”. WHY?? You know what I liked about Bo Bice? He was a rocker. Then he came out with a pop album. Yeah, not in a hurry to buy it. I listened to samples of all the songs, and none of them are the thing I liked about Bo. Why do I want to see Chris do showtunes or “The Power of Love”? He’s a rocker, and I don’t care if he can’t sing pop. He’s not going to put out a pop album, and if he does, I’m not in a hurry to buy.
WHAT IS KATHARINE WEARING????
IDOLS 07… Katharine is singing “The Voice Within” by Christina Aguilera. She says she has learned by doing AI that you can’t trust anyone but yourself (trouble in roomy-land?). Katharine, you cannot trust your stylist, so I’m hearing you. If anyone ever tells you that’s a good thing to wear, just pimp slap them, ok? Ok. It was good, she really sounded great (except on the runs, where she was a tad screechy). I’ve never heard the Christina version, and I’m ok with that, because Christina gets screechy sometimes herself. Anyway, she’s got a fabulously controlled voice, and she did bust out a little more tonight (they really do listen to me occasionally, no?), so I’m happy with the performance. Good job. Oh, I criticized the clothes, but the face and hair are awesome. She’s really beautiful tonight. And I do like that she’s got back. Girls with back gotta support other girls with back. And she doesn’t look pregnant tonight. Good on her.
IDOLS 08… Bucky is doing “Real Good Man” by Tim McGraw. He’s dressed all up like Tim McGraw, too, even wearing the black hat so far down over the eyes that there’s a shadow where his peepers should be. I actually thought it was Bucky’s best in a while, and he actually sang like he wasn’t trying to hide the fact that he was singing. I think with as bad as Lisa and Ace were tonight, Bucky will probably stick around.
IDOLS 09… Paris is doing “Work It Out” by Beyonce. She looks much better this week, that freaky 40s hair is gone, thank goodness. She’s doing all the Destiny’s Child dances that she learned when she was 14. Flinging the Beyonce hair, actually trying to do the whole Beyonce look tonight. She finally showed off her voice, at least. That part was great.
However.
The freaky hair dancing and stomping was way much. I was afraid she was gonna jump out the HD and slap me with that freaky straw hair. Stop the madness, Paris, stop the madness.
IDOLS 10… This is brave. Elliott is doing “I Don’t Wanna Be” by Gavin Degraw, which Bo Bice did last year, and did well. So he’s gonna have to come up with something fresh. I hate to say this, because Elliott danced so goofy and dressed like he just stepped out of the gutter, but I liked the arrangement, and I really enjoyed the performance (with my eyes closed, because the squats were going to set me off on a giggle fit, and if my abs already hurt, I won’t likely go to Curves tomorrow). He sang mostly great, with a smattering of eh.
In order by tonight’s vocal (* ones got either my vote or Frank’s vote, ** ones got both so we called twice):
Taylor**
Chris**
Katharine* (me)
Mandisa** (we actually voted for her 3 times, because we like her)
Elliott* (me)
Bucky* (me)
Paris* (Frank)
Lisa
Ace
Kellie
Word of the night: Freaky. Let’s all say it together.
UPDATE: Forgot to predict. The bottom 3 will be Ace, Lisa, Paris. Lisa goes home.