Ok, so if it’s Chloe that gives “the ultimate sacrifice” tonight, I’m done with this show. FOREVER! You hear that, Joel Surnow?? Done!
Yay! Graphic violence! BTW, I don’t think there’s an ep this season that hasn’t had the graphic violence warning.
Previously on 24, Kim was all about her, the Veep said something, and Bill talked to Tony about Robocop. Jack tried to question Robocop. Lynn’s keycard was used to gain access, and CTU had (nerve) gas. Edgar died. SarahK hated TPTB.
Archive of entries posted on 13th March 2006
There he goes again
Well, Pat Robertson went nuts in front of a camera again, saying that Radical Islam is “a Satanic religion” and that Islam has a goal of “world domination.”
Television evangelist Pat Robertson said Monday on his live news-and-talk program “The 700 Club” that Islam is not a religion of peace, and that radical Muslims are “satanic.”
Robertson’s comments came after he watched a news story on his Christian Broadcasting Network about Muslim protests in Europe over the cartoon drawings of the Prophet Muhammad.
He remarked that the outpouring of rage elicited by cartoons “just shows the kind of people we’re dealing with. These people are crazed fanatics, and I want to say it now: I believe it’s motivated by demonic power. It is satanic and it’s time we recognize what we’re dealing with.”
Robertson also said that “the goal of Islam, ladies and gentlemen, whether you like it or not, is world domination.”
Come on, Pat. Radical Islam is not Satanic.
Our Podcast Is Like a Refreshing Shotgun Blast to the Face
Just a reminder to check out our latest podcast if you haven’t already and leave feedback. I think this one was our best yet, but we’re busy working on the next one.
Fun Trivia
he had it half right anyway . . .
. . . he forgot the limousine part
I have to kind of admire him for the consistency of his [wrong] position, but to drag out the popular lie that invading Iraq was intended essentially to capture Osama Bin Laden is just lame. Furthermore, the idea that Iraq and al Qaeda have nothing to do with one another in the general war on terror is just stupid beyond measure. But hey, you think you’re going to ride that pony to a big win in the November elections, be my guest. It will be 2004 all over again.
The Mind of Impeachment
Democrats.com (not affiliated with the DNC) sent me an e-mail about impeaching President Bush. I though I’d share part of the e-mail with you since studying crazy people helps us better understand ourselves, and, more importantly, it’s funny:
Impeachment: Which Democrats Are Blocking Us?
I’m going to guess the sane ones.
Thanks to your grassroots lobbying efforts – and the leadership of Rep. John Conyers – there are now 29 co-sponsors for Conyers’ Select Committee on Impeachment, H. Res. 635.
http://afterdowningstreet.org/635
“The leadership of Rep. John Conyers” – it takes skill to say that with a straight-face. 29 co-sponsors? Bush is going down!
That’s a good start – but ALL 202 Democrats should be co-sponsors. After all, Bush deserves impeachment far more than any president in American history, and a solid majority of Americans want Congress to impeach him NOW.
http://democrats.com/bush-impeachment-polls
So… much… idiocy… in… so… little… space…
Maybe if you put LSD in the water, all 202 Democrats could go nuts and sponsor this, but you do understand that still ain’t enough for impeachment, Mr. Minority Party?
And you really can’t think of any President who deserves impeachment more? Not even Grover Cleveland who murdered all those people with a hatchet?
And you really think the American people want Bush impeached? Have you ever talked to Americans before? Or do you just believe your polls? Who conducted them? Bigfoot?
What’s holding back the Democrats? According to reporter Dave Lindorff, “members of Congress – even firebrands like Maxine Waters (D-CA) and Cynthia McKinney (D-GA) – have been strong-armed behind the scenes by the Democratic National Committee not to introduce an impeachment bill in the House.” The DNC chairman is Howard Dean. Ask him why he is blocking impeachment here:
http://democrats.org/page/s/contact
So, my guess was wrong; even the Emerald Nuts in the House are against this. If you can’t get Maxine Waters, Cynthia McKinney, and Howard Dean onboard, then that’s an indication that what you are proposing is sticking your face in a blender crazy.
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi also opposes impeachment, urging Democratic activists to focus instead on winning the House in November. We reject that because every single DAY that Bush remains in office is another day in which American soldiers are killed or maimed in Iraq, Iraqi civilians are killed or maimed or poisoned, prisoners in America’s Gulag are tortured, America’s ports are left vulnerable, our phones and computers are wiretapped, and our planet races towards climate catastrophe. Also, since a solid majority (52%-53%) of Americans support Bush’s impeachment, it’s both good policy and good politics. Ask Nancy Pelosi and the House Democratic leadership why they are blocking impeachment here:
http://democrats.house.gov/contact/index.cfm
Nancy Pelosi was so shocked by the idea of impeachment, it looked like her skull was about to burst from her face.
Oh, wait, she always looks like that.
But you guys are right; this impeachment thing will go over great. The American people will love it; it will be a non-stop party. And Bush will totally get thrown out of office by the Republican Congress.
Anyhoo, here’s a really powerful telescope; tell if you can see reality from where you guys are.
Another terrific way to promote impeachment is by getting cities, counties, towns, villages, and Democratic committees to adopt impeachment resolutions. Last week, citizens of five Vermont towns overwhelmingly passed resolutions urging their Congressman, Bernie Sanders, to introduce Articles of Impeachment. His first reply was to call impeachment “impractical,” but he then responded to his constituents by co-sponsoring H. Res. 635. The growing list of local resolutions favoring the impeachment of Bush and Cheney is here:
http://impeachpac.org/resolutions
As go five Vermont towns, so goes the nation. While they’re at it, why don’t they pass a resolution saying Iran must now become a secular democracy and abandon their nuclear ambitions… oh and one that demands that gumdrops rain periodically from the sky!
Activists who are particularly savvy have embraced the “Rutland Resolution” to urge their state legislatures to submit impeachable charges directly to the U.S. House of Representatives under Section 603 of the Manual of the Rules of the U.S. House of Representatives. This strategy is best suited to states that have strong Democratic majorities in both houses of the legislature: CA, MA, HI, RI, and VT. Learn more here:
http://www.impeachbush.tv/impeach/statehow.html
Okay, now I don’t even know what you’re talking about, and, rule of thumb, if you can’t explain it to a five-year-old, you can’t explain it to a leftist nut.
If you would like to help organize impeachment efforts in your state, county or town, join the Impeachment Working Group of Progressive Democrats of America:
http://pdamerica.org/impeach-wg.php
Will we have meetings with punch and pie?
And be sure to urge your Representative to co-sponsor H.Res. 635:
http://capwiz.com/pdamerica/issues/alert/?alertid=8329176
“Congressman Dave Weldon, I know you’re a conservative Republican, but have you considered sponsoring the impeachment of President Bush? If you ask me, what the country really needs right now is wackiness.”
Let’s make impeachment our highest priority this spring – victory is possible!!
Yeah, I understand how you guys are already giving up on getting Democrats elected this year, but there has to be something more productive you can put your energy into. I’ve heard good things about Sudoku!
In My World: The Dog Whisperer
President Bush’s session of drumming his desk and singing “I am the President!” was interrupted by the intercom.
“Mr. President, a Cesar Millan is here to see you.”
Bush shot out of his chair. “Ooh! The Dog Whisperer got my fan letter! Send him in!”
Cesar Millan came in the Oval Office. Bush immediately noticed the camera crew following him. “Wow! Am I going to be on T.V.?”
“That is not important,” Cesar said, “What are important are the dog and the dog owner. I hear we are dealing with an unusually aggressive dog?”
“He’s angry,” Bush said, and then thought for a moment. “Very angry, actually. Here, look at this.” Bush handed Cesar the Guinness Book of World Records.
“The World’s Angriest Dog: Chomps,” Cesar read aloud and then looked back to Bush. “I like to think that all dogs can be rehabilitated, but this should be a challenge. With troubled dogs, the real problem comes from the owner. That’s why I focus most on training people.”
“Yeah, well, just make sure your life insurance is updated. Chomps is so bad that we’ve had to discontinue political relations with Burma because the ambassador is too scared to come to the White House in case Chomps is in here. I would really appreciate your help on this.”
“And I am glad to give it,” Cesar answered. “When I was a boy in Mexico, I dreamed of one day being the greatest dog trainer in the world, so great that even the President of the United States would call upon me.”
“Well, cool, but don’t mention the ‘being from Mexico’ too much; I have enough people getting angry with me about illegal immigrants.”
“But I’m here legally.”
Bush looked confused. “Mexicans can do that?”
“Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!” Barney said as the little Scotty dog ran into the room.
“That dog is unruly too,” Bush said, “but he’s small enough that I can just kick him across the room if he annoys me.”
“Shh!” Cesar said to Barney as he pushed his fingers into the side of the dog’s neck. Barney immediately went to the ground and lay there quietly.
“That’s amazing!” Bush shouted. “Still, that’s not as fun as kicking him.”
“The reason Barney doesn’t listen to you,” Cesar explained, “is that he doesn’t see you as a leader.”
Bush hung his head. “No one does.”
“What are you doing in my house?” Donald Rumsfeld demanded.
“I’m Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer, and I rehabilitate dogs and train people.”
“You whisper to dogs?”
“Uh… no. The Dog Whisperer is just a title the National Geographic Channel came up with… you know, like that movie with Robert Redford, The Horse Whisperer.”
“Never saw it.”
“Neither have I. Anyway, I hear you have a rottweiler with an aggression problem.”
Rumsfeld took a swig from his whiskey flask. “A what problem?”
“I hear he bites people.”
“Yeah, he bites people… and objects… and air and water.”
“How did you come to own Chomps?”
Rumsfeld thought for a moment. “Well, about two and a half years ago, he mauled Michael Moore for the first time. Later, after an interdimensional crisis was handled, he followed me around. Since he only attacks people and things I don’t like or care about, I decided not to beat him until he left me alone.” Rumsfeld pointed to a large stick leaning against a wall. “That’s the original stick I thought of beating him with. If he’s ever noisy, I shake it at him.”
“So Chomps has always shown aggression?”
“He likes biting people and destroying things.”
“And what do you do when Chomps shows aggression?”
“I either ignore him or laugh, depending on the situation.”
“But you don’t take control of the situation?”
Rumsfeld took another swig of whiskey. “Who am I tell him what to do? He never tells me what to do.”
“Here is the problem,” Cesar explained. “You can’t control Chomps because Chomps does not see you as a pack leader; he just sees you as a roommate.”
Rumsfeld shrugged. “So? He pays half the mortgage. Every so often, he comes home with a wallet. I don’t care how he gets them as long as they have cash inside.”
“That is not an attitude that Chomps needs to keep him mentally balanced.”
“And I should care because…”
Cesar was silent for a second. “May I meet Chomps?”
Chomps burst through the wall behind them, snarling and baring his teeth. Rumsfeld took another drink of whiskey. “Smile and say, ‘Hi!'”
“The first thing I like to do with any dog is go on a walk,” Cesar said, “This allows me to show to the dog I’m the pack leader and let him feel my calm, assertive energy.”
Rumsfeld snorted. “Chomps doesn’t like leashes.”
“Then what you have to do is…”
Chomps quickly grabbed the leash from Cesar and swallowed it. Cesar looked a while at Chomps. “Okay, this could be a problem.”
“For certain dogs, I have to use creative measures,” Cesar told the cameras. “For Chomps, to make a leash, I needed to use a chain from a tow truck to make him a leash he can’t immediately chew through.” Chomps tried to bite the leash, but Cesar shouted, “Eh!” as he tugged on the chain.
“You’re asking for it,” Rumsfeld laughed.
“By keeping the leash – well chain – high on his neck, I can keep him facing forward. Now, he can only be angry at things in front of him… or in the sky. Right now, it looks like he’s being agitated by that one cloud up there.”
Chomps began to growl, but Cesar yelled, “Shh!” as he jerked on the chain. Chomps then quieted and stared at Cesar. “You can see the immediate change in behavior, because he now considers me the pack leader and is trusting my guidance.”
“I think he’s just confused why you don’t seem to care for you own life,” Rumsfeld commented.
While Cesar was distracted for a second listening to Rumsfeld, Chomps grabbed a fire hydrant, ripped it out of the ground, and then snapped wildly at the water that shot out.
“Maybe it’s time we bring him home.”
“As you can see,” Cesar told the cameras as Chomps sat beside him, shaking but not making a sound, “I have gotten Chomps to contain his anger for the moment. Now, I have to give him something to release this poison on. In front of him, I’ll now unveil a scale model of downtown Paris.”
Cesar pulled the sheet off, and Chomps immediately leapt on the model and started ripping it apart with his teeth.
“Now, having gotten rid of his anger, he will have a chance to be calm and submissive.”
The model destroyed, Chomps now growled and snapped at everything in sight.
“Uh… I guess he has more anger than I thought. Now is the time to be calm and assertive to take control.” Cesar looked to Rumsfeld. “Donald, see if you can make Chomps respond by being calm and assertive.”
“QUIET NOW OR I’LL RIP YOUR SPINE OUT AND BEAT YOU WITH IT! RARR!” Rumsfeld screamed at the dog.
Chomps kept snarling.
“Okay, Donald, that was assertive, but it wasn’t calm.”
“Shut up, dogman, or I’ll rip out your spine and beat you with it! Rarr!”
Chomps leapt out a window, and screams could be heard outside. “Don’t eat anymore children!” Rumsfeld yelled outside. “I hate dealing with the weepy moms of dumb kids!”
Bush looked up from his desk. “Hey, Dog Whisperer, how did things go?”
Cesar shook his head. “I hate to ever say this, but he needs to be put down.”
“We need to kill Chomps?”
“No, you don’t understand,” Cesar explained. “Most of my work is training people, and Donald Rumsfeld is untrainable. He causes dogs and anything else around him to become more violent. Having just spent a couple hours with him, I just want to get home and beat my children for some reason. Donald should not be allowed near any living creatures or the support structures of buildings. He needs to be put down.”
“Aww,” Bush groaned, “everyone is always telling me to either fire Rumsfeld or euthanize him.” Bush perked up a bit. “When will this episode air?”
“I don’t think this training attempt will be informative to the viewers.”
Bush put his head on his desk and sulked. “I’m never going to get on T.V.”
Fondue Fun
Okay, so you’re probably wondering where the pokey-pokey idea came from when you heard the podcast this past week. You’d think Frank would pistol-whip me or beat me with a sword or something.
Well, the truth is, I make fondue. I really like to make fondue.
Unlike other couples, for whom a fondue pot is a display item or something to store other useless kitchen appliances in, our fondue pot gets used once every other month or so.
I made a fondue last night and I’m still groggy from it. I made Shiner Bock and Pumpernickel breads in the breadmachine and we sliced up some small variety of golden something apples (or were Granny Fred apples?) and then brocoli and califlower.
Want to see?
Sometime I Write Things Just Because I Find them Funny
Waking Up Monday
I usually don’t watch much news over the weekend, so I always have some catching up to do on Monday morning.
Apparently, Feingold, the mucakdoos’ stalwart, has proposed to censure Bush for the NSA wiretaps. This is the sort of thing that makes you wish the Senate had their own “code red.” Instead of another Senator making a public statement, they should all just sneak into Feingold’s room at night and beat him with bars of soap in socks.
Also, there was a GOP straw poll for 2008 for some reason, and Frist won. President Bush came in thrid, though, due to a campaign by John McCain to show support for our President. McCain showing support for President Bush? Something fishy is going on here…
BTW, are we going to have an investigation of U.N. detention facilities? Useless conglomerate of other countries; can’t even convict a murderous dictator before he dies.
More political updates as I feel like reading news.