(A Filthy Lie)
Sure, you know about the puppy blending, hobo-murdering, Satan-worshipping, commie praising, robot dancing, Frank J. punching, and penguin porn, but here are some things you DIDN’T know about Glenn Reynolds:
- Glenn Reynolds can crash you server just by thinking about linking to you.
- Glenn Reynolds writes Garfield fan-strips, all of which end with Odie getting stuffed into a blender.
- They’re STILL less predictable than the ones Jim Davis writes.
- You know that asteroid belt between Mars & Jupiter? That used to be a planet until Glenn Reynolds thought about linking to it.
- The KKK was completely harmless until Glenn Reynolds suggested that they put eye-holes in their hoods.
- Spammers originally got the idea for sending out a million e-mails per day by watching Glenn Reynolds post at Instapundit.
- It was Glenn Reynolds who first said to William Hung – “You’ve got talent. Go audition for American Idol.”
- Satan’s biggest fear is that he’ll have to spend eternity with Glenn Reynolds after he dies.
- Glenn Reynolds’ glasses are the only thing keeping his laser vision from incinerating the universe.
- Glenn Reynolds once deflected a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick by thinking about linking to it.
- Glenn Reynolds murdered Socrates by telling him his cup of hemlock was actually a Starbucks Iced White Chocolate Macchiato
- Nuclear bombs fear Glenn Reynolds going off on them.
- There’s more than one way to skin a cat, and they were all discovered by Glenn Reynolds.
- Glenn Reynolds is the leader of the terrorist group Hehmas.
- One drop of Glenn Reynolds’ bath water contains enough residual evil to de-sanctify Vatican City.
- Puppy blood is the secret ingredient in Insta-Cola.
- When CNN interviews Glenn Reynolds, they have to put special filters on the camera lenses, lest TV viewers be turned to stone.
- As for the fate of the audience in the studio… now you know where garden gnomes come from.
- Glenn Reynolds’ remote control only has one button. When he presses it, his TV automatically tunes to the evilest show available.
- Usually “Full House“.
- Glenn Reynolds’ printer is a Hewlett-Packed BloodJet model 900.
- Spelling “Glenn Reynolds” on a Scrabble board will summon the demon Atazoth who – legends say – will exact retribution on the Overworld by getting Hillary elected in ’08.
- Google recently changed their motto to “Don’t be Glenn Reynolds”.
- Glenn Reynolds personally hand-stitched Janet Jackson’s Superbowl outfit.
- The blind leading the blind isn’t so bad… Glenn Reynolds likes leading them into traffic during rush hour.
- In Glenn Reynolds’ DVD collection, “Schindler’s List” is filed under “Comedy”, right between “Saw 2” and “Scream”.
- Glenn Reynolds taught Senator Palpatine how to do that fingertip-lightning thing.
- The Lemarchand Box in “Hellraiser” is a device used by Cenobites to summon Glenn Reynolds.
- Glenn Reynolds never thought about linking to Martha Stewart, but he DID send her an e-mail on December 26, 2001, that was completly blank except for the word “Sell”.
- Glenn Reynolds introduced Bill to Monica.
- Good things come to those who wait – unless Glenn Reynolds steals them first.
- Glenn Reynolds never actually punched Frank J. – he got Frank J. to punch himself by thinking about linking to him.
I wonder what would happen if I spelled “Frank J.” on a Scrabble board…