Ryan is totally wearing a preacher tie tonight.
“It’s one big happy family,” says Lisa Tucker. Yeeeeeeeah. We believe you. And we believe that Paula doesn’t have a substance abuse problem (allegedly).
The Ford commercial was stupid with a capital Kellie.
Aw man. Kellie’s sitting with all the safe people. Darnit.
Ha! I’m so funny. Frank just read one of the posters from the audience. “Ace makes me flush.” My response: “…the toilet.”
The sound is horrible for Shakira and Wyclef Jean. Well, at least you know they’re performing live and not lip synching. I feel bad for Shakira, though. Looks like Sydney attacked her hair in the middle of the night, and she couldn’t find a comb. She has a nice belly. And once you get past the hair, she’s really beautiful.
Ugh. Taylor, Paris, Kellie, Mandisa, Chris are all safe. I’m happy with all but Kellie. Well, not so crazy about Paris hanging around, but we all know she’s not leaving this week anyway.
Elliott is safe. Lisa is in the bottom 3. Ace is in the bottom 3. Between Katharine and Bucky, I’m betting Katharine is in the bottom 3 just for shocker’s sake (and based on the outfit she wore last night. I really do hope she gets a new stylist.). Wow, how does poor Bucky feel with the whole crowd erupting in a chorus of boos when Katharine was called over.
So. Ace is safe. Lisa and Katharine are both gritting their teeth. Katharine is mortified. Kellie looks really happy. Did you catch Ryan saying, “Paula, what do you think about these two being the bottom two, especially Katharine?” That was incredibly rude to Lisa. I mean, I’d say stuff like that on a blog or behind her back, but to her face? That’s just tacky. Shame on Ryan.
And so it goes that Lisa is gone. No big surprise there, she knew she was leaving. She even wore her performin’ clothes. Oh, and look while Lisa sings, they’re zooming in on Kellie, who is paying more attention to herself singing along than to Lisa’s swan song. And when they all go over for the big happy group hug and fake cry, Kellie’s still focusing on herself singing.
Ha, next week is country. I predict that Simon will say something retarded (because, yes, I’m losing my faith in him this season, and he has a bad memory). He’ll say, “Bucky, I’m getting a bit ti-yad of you nevah bronching out and singing anythin othah than country. You’re stahting to bore me, if I’m being ohnest.” And to Chris, he’ll say, “Chris, what I’ve liked about you throughout this competition is that you ahh a rockah, you always sing rock, and you nevah compromise. And now you’ve come out here with this very… put on country song, and I hahv to say, I’m a bit disappointed with the ahct. It was olmost appohling, really.”
Archive of entries posted on 29th March 2006
Protest Rallies – Opportunity for Inclusiveness
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
A recent DC anti-war protest turned out some disappointing numbers for the screeching loony left, and I can’t help thinking that they could REALLY improve their attendance figures if they made the events just a LITTLE more red-stater friendly. After all, liberals ARE about being open-minded & non-judgmental, right?
Since I consider myself a fairly typical warmongering, right-wing, gun nut, here’s what they could do to get ME to show up to one of their little kook-keggers:
- More SUV parking
- More crazy naked PETA chicks [PG13]!
- I’d really enjoy a Dick Cheney hunter safety course, because every time I try to shoot a lawyer, I end up hitting a quail in the face.
- Sell “Ann Coulter Gone Wild!” DVD’s
- Schedule the protest on a weekend so that the gainfully employed can attend.
- Ergonomic comfort-gel Sof-Grip protest sign-handles (“Just say ‘NO’ to splinters!”)
- Free John Kerry silhouette shooting targets (“10 points for the important-looking hair!”)
- Free Korans – I’ve got a wobbly table with a short leg at home.
- Free shampoo – which I’ll gladly provide myself if they promise to use it. Seriously – who’s the lunatic who told white people they could wear dreadlocks?
- Free Palestine – I always see booths offering it, but when I get there, they never have any. I wonder if it’s like funnel cake?
Actually, I’d gladly attend one of those things – and even wave around a “No Blood For Oil!” sign – if they’d just do one simple thing:
* Ban braless grandmothers.
Anyway, what would get YOU to go to a anti-war protest rally?
Denise Majette would never punch a cop
Cynthia McKinney’s website has her position on various issues, including Human Rights and International Relations. One of the headings under that page is “The War on Terrorism Traps Us in a Cycle of Violence”
I guess Cynthia fell into that trap of violence, because she got caught on tape punching a DC cop.
WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END????????
Fun Trivia
If we deport all the illegal immigrants, who will do all the jobs Americans don’t want to do?
They Made Me Work Again!
I had to think really hard and talk and everything.
The things you’ll do for a free sandwich and a salary.
Anyhoo, I’ll see about getting you some Frank J. humor soon. Also, I should be able to send out the official IMAO Test Newsletter tomorrow. Yeah, by now I probably should send out an actual newsletter, but I promised a test newsletter so a test newsletter you’ll get.
So, until I post again, read about Bird Flu since that’s still in the news.
Carnival Of Comedy Reminder
There is no host for this week. Are there any takers?
Update: Not eveybody at once, please.
Update2: Dr Phat Tony will host! Yay!
Ask Dr. Duck: The Questions
Hello boys and girls,
It’s time for Ask Dr. Duck. This is the day of the week when you get to ask me, Dr. R.W. Duck, all the questions that you need answered.
What’s on your mind? Relationships? Love? Pets?
In love with pets?
Not only can Dr. Duck provide answers – but the answers are completely free*!
Please post your questions in comments. Answers will go up on Friday.
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