American Idol 5 top 20 elimination night

I wanna hear about your drunken suntan.

pauladrunk.jpg

image by the evil and fake sarahk

Yay! More people are going home tonight! And Carrie Underwood will be performing; I love her whole CD, so I’m looking forward to this.

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Important Security Question

With the deal between the U.S. and India on nukes, did we first make them promise to implement strict measure to keep Hanuman the Monkey God from getting his hands on the nuclear technology?
I won’t be able to sleep until I know the answer.

Fun Trivia

What was President Bush doing when the levees broke?

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Bad, Bad Dog!

Thanks for all the prayers, readers. I really think Rowdi is going to make a great addition to our happy little family. She did recently get in a bit of trouble, though.
Last night, I accidentally left the gate to the kitchen open, and Rowdi got out. I thought she was going to chase the cats, but, instead, she ran right into our bedroom. So, I called, “Rowdi, come!” Rowdi then trotted out of the room with my favorite 1911 in her mouth. That was a bit worrisome, but I don’t keep a round in the chamber at home. “Drop it, Rowdi,” I told her. And she did, but then she held the gun down with her paw as she gripped the slide with her mouth and raked it. I knew that wasn’t good for the finish, but, to make it worse, Rowdi picked the gun back up in her mouth, pointing it at me gangster-style with one of her big teeth resting right on the trigger.
At this point, I remembered what the Dog Whisperer from the National Geographic Channel always says: Be calm and assertive. So, I stood up straight and told Rowdi, “Put down that gun, unload it, and kick it over here.” Rowdi whimpered a bit, but I stood tall staring right at her. Finally, she put the gun down, hit the magazine release with her paw, and then raked the slide again to eject the round. “Kick it here,” I told her, and, a bit reluctantly, she kicked it across the floor to me. I then told her she was a good dog and gave her a treat. A big mistake a lot of dog owners make is yelling at the dog when he or she is doing bad but not praising the dog for good behavior. That means it’s important I praise Rowdi when she is not pointing a gun at me and thus she’ll associate not threatening my life with treats and praise.
Good, Rowdi!

Carnivals! Yay!

When you’re done checking out the Carnival of Comedy, there is now a Carnival of Bauer for fans of the coolest show ever.
I wonder if those people will help start my Secret Service Agent Aaron Pierce fanclub?

Who Is Scared of Chickens?

I never understood the phrase “And now the chickens have come home to roost.” People say that like it’s threatening, but, if chickens were trying to roost somewhere I didn’t like, I’d just punt them over the fence. I prey on chickens; that’s why people call me a chicken hawk.

Carnival of Comedy #44 is UP at the Platypus Society

Chris at the Platypus Society is billing Carnival of Comedy #44 as the Greatest Carnival Ever!
But Is it? Speaking from the lofty postion of carnival of comedy director, I must speak with utter and complete unbiased-ness. Truly each carnival of comedy is the greatested carnival ever. And not just because of the association with IMAO.US and yours truly (me). Rather each carnival of comedy is the greatested carnival ever primarily because of the association with IMAO.US and yours truly (still me). We’re sure there are other reasons too. However obscure they may be.
Go read the Greatest Carnival Ever! You bet it is, they all are.
BTW, good job, Chris.

Happy 170th, Texas!

I’d say something about today being the 170th anniversary of Texas gaining independence from Mexico and becoming its own nation, but Harvey’s got the “Fun Facts” franchise here at IMAO and he’s wicked-fast with a blade.
So instead, I’ll list my favorite flavors of ice cream:
10. Rocky Road
9. Freedom vanilla
8. Peanut Butter
7. Strawberry
6. Coffee
5. Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia (Goddamn hippie!)
4. Tin Roof Swirl
3. That freeze-dried stuff that NASA makes
2. Peppermint Chip
1. Mint Chocolate Chip (but not the green stuff… white with chips is the right way)

I Guess Glenn’s Blender Broke

Cup ‘o Puppy.
(Thanks to reader Garrett for the link)

Pundits and Me

Michelle Malkin likes that book I got, Menace in Europe (now available to the hoi polloi, and also links to the Glenn and Helen podcast in which our favorite puppy blender and his wife (who looks totally out of Glenn’s league) interviews the author, Claire Berlinksi.
Some may wonder why the Master of Evil of the Blogosphere has been linking to IMAO more often. That’s because we’re now a member of Pajamas Media and even got a big fat check. Since we hope to overthrow the MSM and become even fatter and lazier than they ever were, we need to stick together.