American Idol 5 top 12

So here it is. Boys v. girls. Bigger stage. Bigger band. Bigger beating.
Oh, and of course we get to start off with the horrible montage of all the top 12 making it and doing the oh! tear! bull. And here are the contestants, who all now have personal stylists. For the most part, they look better. Chris is the only one fairly unchanged, because he already had the style and class.
No, Ryan, I did not pick out this top 12. Namely, Kellie Pickler. More on that earsore later.
And after the introduction of the judges, I am reminded that tonight’s horrible theme is Stevie Wonder night. Let’s make something very clear: I heart heart heart Stevie Wonder. He’s brilliant. But any time a contestant does Stevie on this show, they either butcher the song, or try to mellow it out. MELLOW OUT STEVIE WONDER! And I’m not sure there’s ever been a contestant who sang Stevie and didn’t get the “song choice” critique. So I don’t want to hear word one about song choice from Randy, who’s not gonna be feelin’ it, Dawg, or from Paula, who just has no ability to criticize a performance, so usually cops out with saying “You know, I love you, you’re so great, but it just wasn’t the right song for you. I’m sorry.” in a quiet voice.
Oh, and look! Stevie surprised the contestants by showing up while they were at the piano to say hi. And Earsore had the glycerin and onions handy for the spectacle tears! She must be a boyscout. Always prepared.

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The Accomplishments of Feingold

Someone tell Texan Senators that ridiculing moronic Dems is my job.

Regular

Mike Wallace is saying that he will no longer be a regular correspondent on “60 Minutes.”
Tired of eating all that fiber, Mike?

The Mind Boggles

IT’S GOOD LAIR AND HARVEY DON’T LIVE TOGETHER, OR THEY’D HAVE THIS PROBLEM TOO: Obviously, that’s Frank who got the hate mail. He must have started the post at home on the laptop when he was dogsitting.
I just got this comment from a “Mary Jane” to my Super Happy Fun Partial Birth Abortion FAQ post, and I’d almost have to think it’s a joke:

ii think this site is very harable and you are some idots!!!!

If this was a serious hate comment, how did this person even operate the computer to find this site?

Quick question

Would it be considered inappropriate to ask for a moment of silence for Miss Deaf Texas?

Democrat Mottos

Democrats.com sent Frank J. an e-mail wherein they unveiled their new motto:
“victory is possible!!”
Now THERE’S a rallying cry [insert dramatic eye-roll].
I wonder what mottos they rejected?


“we might not come in last!!”
“it’s only MOSTLY completely hopeless!!”
“don’t quit your day job!!”
“why can’t you be more like your brother Murray?!!”
“I’ve got a good feeling about this SuperLotto ticket!!”
“I wish I could quit you!!”
“my MOM says I’m cool!!”


Any other suggestions?

Validation

We all need validation. Sometimes even a podcast rss feed needs it. See, the sad fact is our IMAO podcast has an RSS feed, indeed an RSS feed is what makes it a podcast. But I digress.
This was a feed that was not valid. No, it’s true. This was pointed out by Pat in the comments somewhere. Sure there were some valid parts but like a chain, you are only as valid as your invalidest link.
There were a over a half dozen things wrong (read, INVALID) with it. REALLY! I am hiding my face out of shamefacedness.
BUT. NO. MORE.
But now, forgive me for shouting, NOW it has been validated. By me. Oh yes, it is extremely valid. As valid as an podcast rss feed gets. The validest.
See? Validate the IMAO Podcast feed. BAM! VALID!
Now, I feel so warm and valid inside, now.

P is for Payback – The Official Script

We join our heroes who live in a mythical world with no relation to current reality. Our main character, Malvado, is played by Oscar winner, George C. Looney. A pretty boy with a reputation for being pretty.
We pick up the story as the misunderstood hero plots to overthrow an evil government.

Scene One. Malvado and his long haired lovely are lying in bed.

Malvado- Somehow, we must overthrow this evil Busho regime. They are up to no good.

Sluteska: Oh, darling. We must have another sex scene. Kiss me you hot crazy stud muffin.

Malvado: You are a lovely woman, but it’s only the opening credits.

Sluteska: I can’t help it. I wish I could quit you.

Malvado: And I wish I could do something about this evil Busho admiinistration. I’m sure at this very moment, they are plotting some evil plan to remove these peaceful religionists from our very soil. I’ll call my friend Muhammed.

(Picks up phone and dials)

Mo? what are you doing?

Mo: Stop calling me. I’m plotting evil and wishing to destroy your way of life, you stupid zionist pig.

Malvado: Pig. he he. That’s funny because I’m not Jewish. so it doesn’t offend me. Cool. Call me when you’re done. And lets get together for lunch next week. You pick the place, okay Mo?

Mo; Fine. Someplace crowded with lots of women and children.

Malvado hangs up the phone.

I’m glad I’m lberal. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to make friends with nice people like Mo.

Now – back to our sex scene.

**

Scene two
Inside the White House as they make plans to fortify the country even more.

Busho: The new security fence would cost HOW much to build? That’s insane.

La Condi: The price for security, Mr. President.

Busho: Could we save money by using illegals?

La Condi: Mr. President, I have it on very good authority that the AQ is planning on striking this country in the next few days.

Busho: Hmmm. Would they be interested in helping us run our ports?

Scene 3.
We join Malvado at his home as he prepares his superhero equipment.

Malvado: Sluteska, I might need your help in carrying out my plan?

Sluteska: Plan?

Malvado: Yes, this evil government is holding thousands of Mo’s innocent friends. They’re being held in small rooms, allowed to pray 5 times a day, fed with three square meals a day, and punished by being forced to read mindless hateful cartoons such as pictures of The prophet Muhammed and The Boondocks.

Sluteska: What is your plan?

Malvado: I will destroy all of these buildings in order to make a large political statement. I need your help. Many women and children will die.

Sluteska: Hey, Isn’t that – like – evil?

Malvado: No – we’ll be sure to remove all Peaceful Religionists.

Sluteska: So how do I help? Do you want me to stand guard over the explosives?

Malvado: No. You have to stand here and guard my haircare products. I must go to the doctor. All this Busho hatred is making me start to break out. I cannot look anything less than my best! (he flashes his dreamy smile)

Sluteska: Oh, you are so dreamy. (They kiss for a long time) I wish I could quit you!

Malvado: Remember, if I die, to share with the world the most important thing?

Sluteska: That your mother shouldn’t use your death for shameless self promotion?

Malvado: No – more important than that. Make sure the world knows I do my own stunts.

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Dog Day

Rowdi is sick.

Her stomach sounds like there are people inside shouting. Sarah has an appointment today, so I’m going to have to head home to watch Rowdi. I’ll be doing some work from home, but I probably won’t have much time for blogging.
Anyway, on my In My World™ yesterday, I got this comment from MJPeltier:

As one of the executive producers of the Dog Whisperer (and the co-writer of Cesar’s upcoming book) – I must say, you captured his voice brilliantly!
Very funny and creative. A plus!

That was cool, because the Dog Whisperer is one of Sarah’s and my favorite shows right now. After being told about it by sister a couple times (who doesn’t have a dog – which is too bad because she lives in L.A. and could call on Cesar if the dog was violent or scared or something), I finally added it to the Tivo list. Anyway, it’s like Cesar Millan has magical dog powers, but the pack leader techniques he talks about really seem to work. It’s quite an entertaining show (they expanded it from a half hour to and hour for the second season), especially seeing Cesar calm down some real nightmare dogs (or give courage to big babies) and I recommend checking it out even if you don’t particularly like dogs. It’s also quite informative if you have a dog because so many little things you wouldn’t even think of can have such a big effect on your dog. Cesar even has a blog here.
Cesar Millan also has a DVD out (anyone seen it?) which I’m thinking of buying and has a book coming out next month which I’m going to go ahead and pre-order.
Well, I have to check on my pup. Remember: Be calm and assertive, ronin.