(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
A recent DC anti-war protest turned out some disappointing numbers for the screeching loony left, and I can’t help thinking that they could REALLY improve their attendance figures if they made the events just a LITTLE more red-stater friendly. After all, liberals ARE about being open-minded & non-judgmental, right?
Since I consider myself a fairly typical warmongering, right-wing, gun nut, here’s what they could do to get ME to show up to one of their little kook-keggers:
- More SUV parking
- More crazy naked PETA chicks [PG13]!
- I’d really enjoy a Dick Cheney hunter safety course, because every time I try to shoot a lawyer, I end up hitting a quail in the face.
- Sell “Ann Coulter Gone Wild!” DVD’s
- Schedule the protest on a weekend so that the gainfully employed can attend.
- Ergonomic comfort-gel Sof-Grip protest sign-handles (“Just say ‘NO’ to splinters!”)
- Free John Kerry silhouette shooting targets (“10 points for the important-looking hair!”)
- Free Korans – I’ve got a wobbly table with a short leg at home.
- Free shampoo – which I’ll gladly provide myself if they promise to use it. Seriously – who’s the lunatic who told white people they could wear dreadlocks?
- Free Palestine – I always see booths offering it, but when I get there, they never have any. I wonder if it’s like funnel cake?
Actually, I’d gladly attend one of those things – and even wave around a “No Blood For Oil!” sign – if they’d just do one simple thing:
* Ban braless grandmothers.
Anyway, what would get YOU to go to a anti-war protest rally?
Cash & lots of it.
Plus the banning of the bra-less grannies.
shudder
What would bring me out to one of these protests would be a little common sense.
But if any of the protestors had that, they wouldn’t be protesting the war.
I’d attend if I could attend in the role of the riot police. Maybe we could all attend as riot police and beat some sense into these people.
Didnt a protester somewhere light themselves on fire once?
That would be pretty cool to see…if it wasnt too far of a drive.
Having a war that I was against would be a starter. I might have protested the war in Bosnia. The only problem I have with this war was they are afraid to take the gloves off and fight a war. Here is my slogan for my protest sign – WAR is hell, if done right.
if they had “anything goes” wrestling between a liberal & a conservative…..which would be a joke, as the conservative would doubtless bring his gun.
Dude, I think you got smoked this week by both of us at Justin’s Random Thoughts and The Scratching Post.
So much for home field advantage!
🙂
Heh, I already posted mine in the comments over at the alliance site.
The opportunity to shoot anti-war protesters.
An all vegetarian meal… provided that the vegetarian is grilled and served with some Memphis Style BBQ sauce.
The ONLY way I’d attened: If I could bring Chomps and a camera! I’d also attend if I knew that a flood or something like that was about to hit.
Really, I’m glad that we can protest. However, these anti war types are clueless and probably hippies too…
One of my housemates back in college went pre-med. He said he wanted to find the gene for White-Rasta.
A kissing booth featuring Mother Goof getting kissed… with a brick.
either of two things … open season on these loons,
or a bounty on them
I would go if they had the “FREE LOVE” thing still going when I was young & stupid, like the MayDay thing in ’70 (?)
Had a great time, drank lotsa Boones Farm, might have got laid (don’t remember)
Yay war protests!
(disclaimer: no longer young. May still be stupid, but at least I’m a Reagan Conservative)
so have you seen the comercial for vault soda where the farmer builds the robot scarecrow w/ lasers and flame throwers? at the end he turns it on a bunch of hippies having a “love in” in his fields?
you get that farmer to bring his robot hippie-killer to a rally, and i’ll be there to watch…
That Vault commercial is probably my favorite thing on TV right now 🙂
A free Code Pink piranha dunking tank would be good.
A Klondike bar.
I would be more than happy to attend one of these rallies. But I have a few demands.
*A grassy knoll
*Unlimited ammo
*A FBI Jacket — Navy blue with yellow letters, please
*A Loud Speaker and a tape repeating “This is NOT an Assault!” over and over
*A T-Shirt that says “I Went To This Anti-War Rally And All I Got Was This Lousy Shirt — And 14 Kills”
*Gatorade — gotta keep hydrated.
“Schedule the protest on a weekend so that the gainfully employed can attend.” LOL