Ok, so if it’s Chloe that gives “the ultimate sacrifice” tonight, I’m done with this show. FOREVER! You hear that, Joel Surnow?? Done!
Yay! Graphic violence! BTW, I don’t think there’s an ep this season that hasn’t had the graphic violence warning.
Previously on 24, Kim was all about her, the Veep said something, and Bill talked to Tony about Robocop. Jack tried to question Robocop. Lynn’s keycard was used to gain access, and CTU had (nerve) gas. Edgar died. SarahK hated TPTB.

So now there are 2 safe zones. CTU director’s office, holding room 4, situation room, medical. So that sounds like 4 safe zones, but who’s counting when Edgar’s dead. And that must mean Tony’s fine, and if he’s the other one that dies tonight, I’m done with the show. Tony, Chloe, Curtis, Jack. Anyone else, go ahead and kill ’em. But those four… beware the wrath of SarahK.
Jack wants to know if Robo’s still alive. Chloe is watching her best friend being dead. That makes him Deadger. Jack asks for Chloe’s help, and Chloe is fairly unresponsive. Give that girl an M4 and a terrorist.
Darnit, I just threw my drink all over me. I must be sad about Deadgar and crack whores.
Kim’s evil boyfriend is trying to “help” Chloe to get her out of shock at seeing her best friend die. Chloe’s sad she treated Deadger like crap all day (when doesn’t she treat everyone like crap? She should feel good about that!).
Lynn’s saying this is his fault, because someone used his keycard to get in. THAT’S RIGHT, MIKEY, IT’S YOUR FAULT IF WE LOSE THE GOONDOCKS! No one really cares about L.A. (except my sis-in-law and Frank’s aunt Helen and such), but we all care about the Goondocks.
Red-shirt security guard: “So we’re all gonna die because you were embarrassed [that your sister beat you up and stoled your keycard].”
Tony’s just put the doctor in the CTU ward to sleep. And he wants to kill Robocop. He’s really ticked about Michelle. Jack is bustin’ in on comms and is trying to talk Tony out of killing Robocop, since we need him and all.
Tony tells Jack to hurry up, because he just doesn’t know how long he can keep from killing the man who killed his wifey.
Back at the DHS, the Veep is asking how CTU could have been hit. 40% of CTU’s personnel have been taken out. Logan is worried about how they’re gonna fight the nerve gas threat. This DHS lady is saying she can go in and neutralize stuff and take over.
The terrorists have a new target and are glad that CTU is momentarily subdued.
Oh, and Jack is trying to get Chloe to help, and she’s a little traumatized, and Barry (the evil) is telling Jack that Jack’s a meanie. Jack’s like, Dude, if we had time for your psychobabble, I’d totally be for it, but we don’t have time, so step back before I kick your pinkytoe. BTW, you took advantage of my daughter.
Kim’s like, “Barry’s my only reason to live,” and Chloe’s like, “You people sicken me. Fine. I’ll get back to y’all if you’ll just SHUT UP!”
So the nerve gas is mixed with a corrosive agent that’s eating through the walls or something, and they’ve got mega-warnings that say they’re all gonna die. SLICK SHOES? ARE YOU CRAZY?
Back at the compound, Martha’s mad that the Veep is making policy because President Estro can’t make a decision to save his life. Mike Novick tells Martha to use her influence on Estro. “Bake him a cake. He really likes cake.”
Bill says everyone’s safe except for that corrosion that’s gonna let the gas in. Bill says something about flushing the Centox out of the areas before they all die. Audrey wants to believe the numbers are off. Jack wants to blame himself that Kim might die from nerve gas. Chloe’s all business and looking for solutions. Some program is keeping all of them hostage, because they’re gonna die if the program keeps them un-ventilated.
Long story short: Nerve gas and bad ventilation: everyone dies. Good ventilation and fixing stuff: everyone lives. Except someone.
Chloe reminds Jack not to screw up going thru the ventilation system, or he’ll kill them all. “Thanks, Chloe, I was really happy about having a picnic later.”
Kim tells Chloe not to talk down to her. “Why not? I always talk down to idiots.” Barry says everyone breathe. Chloe says, “What’s up with Barry and the breathing? Is that his solution for everything?”
Jack gets thru something that keeps him from inhaling gas. Lynn is in holding room 4, which is connected to the room that Jack needs to get to. If Lynn can get to the room above the holding room, he can save them all. Jack tells them that Lynn and the redshirt are gonna die to save everyone.
Yay, it’s Lynn that’s gonna die! “No firmen! No firmen!” Yay! Mikey can save us all with his marble bag! Have I ever mentioned that Goonies is my all-time favorite movie? It really is.
Kim apologizes to Chloe so they can have a moment. Chloe tells Kim that everything she passed onto Jack was about Kim. Chloe: “Yeah, well shrinks are always giving advice that they prob’ly don’t follow.” Kim: “How are you doing?” “Oh, I’m great. Woke up with a guy I’ll prob’ly never see again, but you know. All in a day’s work. Later, I’ll have chamomile tea with Audrey.”
The redshirt is talking to his daughter on the phone, telling her to mind her mommy. Lynn is rushing him, because it’s time to get moving and sacrifice themselves. Chloe thanks Lynn for saving everyone, and he and the redshirt go off to save everyone. Lynn runs upstairs and fixes the system so that the corrosive stuff is no longer corroding stuff. Jack comes on over the intercom and tells Lynn and the redshirt that they’re heros. The redshirt breathes and thinks he’s ok, but then he dies. Lynn holds on not breathing as long as he can and then dies, in the arms of One-Eyed Willie. But thank you, Mikey, you saved the Goondocks! BTW, that looks like a super-painful way to die.
Tony and the doc are in the infirmary with Robo. No progress.
Chloe is working the problem, but her team is dead, so it’s kinda hard for her.
Jack wants Kim to get checked out by medical when the barriers are lifted. Kim says she can’t be around Jack even though he loves her and she loves him. It looks like Kim is gonna leave for good, and yay! Can’t say that hurts SarahK’s feelings.
Audrey grabs Jack’s hand from behind and asks if they can talk about their feelings. “No. Woman, can’t you get a grip?” “But Jack… we need to talk about our relationship…” Jack sighs and wishes he’d killed himself to save everyone else.
Estro and the gang are talking, and Estro is trying to say that martial law is super-fantastic! After all, says George Clooney, Hollywood is ahead of everyone on the issue of martial law. And all of the world is so grateful to have George Clooney. Bluuuurgh. Sorry, the tilapia was so good going down, but coming up, it had Clooney. Yuck.
Some prostitute’s phone is ringing, and some John is pressing her. Prostitute promises to have the info in a few minutes. This is half-neckid Coletta. Not Neckid Mandy like alla ya’s were hoping.
Meanwhile Karen Hayes from DHS is calling Bill to tell him that she’s coming to take over. All of CTU’s stuff has been transferred to DHS’s laptops. CTU is no longer operational. And DHS is in full control. They’re gonna fire CTU staff and replace them with DHS peeps. Hmm, something crazy’s gonna happen.
Evil Barry (C. Thomas Howell) stops to thank Jack for being awesome, and Jack says Barry should take care of Kim.
Tony tells Jack that Robo is going to die now at Tony’s hands. Jack says “d—it!” like always, and Tony knocks out the other guy in the room who’s not already in a coma. Tony’s about to jab a giant needle in Robocop’s chest when Robo wakes up, jabs the needdle in Tony’s chest and injects Tony with whatever. Tony is dying. Jack shows up to save Tony. Tony doesn’t care about living because Michelle is gone. Robo has Tony’s gun and has properly checked it for magazines and ammo
If Tony is dead, I’m done with this show. The good news is, there’s a boop-beep at the end of the show, so Tony shouldn’t actually be dead.
Next week, there’s a pansy president who institutes a curfew in L.A., a power-hungry woman, no sign of Tony (which probably means he’s not dead), a helicopter, and Curtis.