Dear Cynthia,
About your Daddy saying it was the Jews…

I almost forgot to congratulate Glenn Reynolds on five years of Instapundit. A link to his first postings is here.
Wow. Five years. That’s a lot of puppies in liquid form.

So, it ends up that Reuters has fraud detection software. You’re probably wondering why it didn’t stop the recent hoax photos. Well, I’ll tell you why.
See, every time the software detects fraud, it has this bright flashing light and sirens that go:
“EEE-WOO! EEE-WOO!”
But the computer is in Reuters headquarters, so all day it’s like:
“EEE-WOO! EEE-WOO!”
And editors are trying to come up with new euphuisms for terrorists while constantly in the background its:
“EEE-WOO! EEE-WOO!”
And people are writing captions to photos to make them reflect badly on Israel, but constantly in their ears was this:
“EEE-WOO! EEE-WOO!”
And others are trying to put not so subtle editorializing into the “news” wire, but there’s always this:
“EEE-WOO! EEE-WOO!”
And, finally, they just got tired of thing. No one could think with all the:
“EEE-WOO! EEE-WOO!”
And it takes some thought to put your bias into “news” stories. So they disconnected the computer. Thus, the fraudulent photos got through. But, if they kept the computer connected, when, as soon as they tried to post those photos to news outlets, they would have heard:
“EEE-WOO! EEE-WOO!”
And we wouldn’t have had this scandal.

When it comes to destroying buildings full of innocent lives, I recommend Israel stop using its military and start using methods that are more socially acceptable to the Middle East; such as ramming buildings with a hijacked airplanes full of screaming women and children. This would remind people of the Religion of Peace. This is good because the press loves the ROP. (Not to be confused with the GOP — which is evil)
This is not an easy decision for Israel, but it’s fair to say that it’s running out of options. Threats are everywhere and a Jew isn’t safe anymore. In Israel they face Hezbollah, in Seattle they face Christian converts who proclaim, “I’m a Muslim American…” just before unleashing death and mayhem, and here in California, a Jew can’t go anywhere without being harassed by Mel Gibson.
Additionally, this strategy could help the Israelis start to get better press coverage, mostly because these new actions would make the press confuse the Jews with the Religion of Peace. I can just see that Press Conference with President Bush and Israel.

Israeli Spokesman: We did not bomb that bus full of Boy Scouts. We swear!! We have evidence that those bodies were dead before we dropped a bomb on it.
Helen Thomas: So what you’re saying is that you have no regret over desecrating the bodies of young innocent boys?
Israeli Spokesman: (Getting desperate) that’s not what I meant at all.

These press conferences end badly. Mostly because — and these is simply a dramatic tool – Helen Thomas keeps a dead Lebanese baby in her purse. Bad press conferences would be a thing of the past if the Jews would simply change strategy.

Press Conference (Post ROP Strategy)
Helen Thomas: Why did you bomb that bus full of innocent Boy Scouts on their way to the Adopt a Homeless Puppy convention??
Israel Spokesman: We felt compelled to strike a blow at the infidels in the name of our God.
Helen Thomas: I want you to know that I respect your religion.

Another huge advantage to acting like the ROP is that nobody every blames them for ANYTHING! Even the stuff they demand credit for!!
On videotape:
Osama Bin Laden: Our organization is very bored. As a show of Muslim solidarity we have decided to burn France to the ground.
Television Reporter to Jacques Chirac as France burns to the ground: Who do you blame for these violent youths and their quest to burn France to the ground
Jacques Chirac. We blame America. And the Jews. But mostly Jewish Americans. And Poverty which is the root cause of all violence.
There you have it. Israel, if you’re reading this, make sure that you post this idea at your country’s web site. Don’t forget to give that link to IMAO for helping you through a very trying time. We must remember to fight the enemy on all fronts. Israel – you keep fighting Hezbollah with all your might.
We’ll keep an eye on Mel Gibson.

Besides, of course, the fact that they kill terrorists, there are 3 good reasons:
Girls with guns

Girls without guns

Girls-on-girls without guns

And here’s a good reason to actually join the IDF

You’re not “groping”, you’re just “checking to make sure her weapon is secure”.
Anyway, here’s plenty more reasons to love the IDF.

There just seems to be no end to the warring in the Middle East. Just a thought: But has any international organization thought of passing a non-binding resolution that there should be peace? If not, I think they should get working on it before anyone else dies.
IDEAS FOR WORDING IN THE RESOLUTION:
* It would be really nice if every didn’t shoot each other.
* Or blow each other up.
* Or kidnap people.
* But, if for some reason someone does, it’s no reason to get all miffed and retaliate.
* Also, it would really help if one side of this conflict stopped being Jews.
Any other ideas for wording in the resolution to help it bring peace?

Greg Gutfeld has a long list of all the fears the Democrats have.
Sample:
“Fear of a police state unless of course it actually is a police state, like, Venezuela.”
and
“Fear of a Marine knocking on your Prius’s window to discuss your bumperstickers.”
Worth a read.