I’d like to take a moment to apologize to all the Muslim readers of IMAO out there for falsely characterizing Islam as a backward and barbaric religion that forces non-Muslims to convert to Islam or face the sword.
After all, this is 2006, and nobody uses swords anymore. The implement of death used to threaten nonbelievers is the gun:

Centanni later told Fox News in a phone call from Gaza City that during his capture, he was held at times face down in a dark garage, tied up in painful positions, and that he and Wiig were forced at gunpoint to make statements, including that they had converted to Islam.

Only by getting rid of such wild myths and false accusations can we, the Western World, come to a better understanding of our Muslim neighbors.

“This guy feels perfectly smooth in front… I guess the French have arrived.”

A lot of people hate little yip-yap dogs, but that’s wrong. It’s not their fault they’re tiny and stupid; that was selective breeding by people who hate all that dogs stand for.
You see, even if you breed tiny dogs, they still are so closely related to the wolf that the species distinction is more aesthetic that genetics. Inside each little yipping Chihuahua is a wolf desperately wanting to tear out the throats of whomever crosses it. It’s like Jack Bauer being trapped in the body of a two-year-old. Do you think Jack Bauer would like to be told how cute he is while being rolled around in a stroller?
No, he wouldn’t. He would plot to kill you even while impotent to do so. Such is the life of the small dog.
And that’s why this is animal abuse of the highest order:

Continue reading ‘They’re Close Relatives of the Wolf, Not Accessories!’ »

Just to bide our time for two more years, here’s a straw poll you can participate in on Republican candidates for president in 2008.
SPOLIER: Everyone hates Hagel.
UPDATE: Oh. I can just add it to our site and see IMAO specific results. If anyone votes for Hagel, I’ll punch you.

UPDATE:
As expected, Hagel is by far the first choice of lefty trolls.

Tonight, the lovely and talented SarahK and I will be heading for Idaho to visit with my folks, my silly sister Sarah, Joe foo’ the Marine, and my Grandma. We will also go out into the desert and shoot stuff (our favorite guns are coming with us). For reading on the flight, I have my e-books (including Jim Baen’s Universe) and, for my new comic kick, the third volume of Y: The Last Man and Frank Miller’s Batman: The Dark Knight Returns (SarahK let me buy some graphic novels despite that they cost $10 and often are only a half-hour read).
Anyway, I’ll be there all next week. I will have internet access the whole time, but I probably won’t be blogging. So, don’t expect much and you won’t be disappointed. spacemonkey will be in charge while I’m away since he has administrative rights.
Be honorable, ronin. (well, I’m not leaving now, but, still, be honorable)

Or any of your friends who are part of the Zionist Conspiracy for that matter.
One of these.
It, I dunno, just works on so many levels doesn’t it?

A lot of you have been wondering why I haven’t said anything about Israel buying two more Dolphin-class submarines from the Germans.
Well, aside from the fact that the Zionist Conspiracy would have me rubbed out as a traitor, there is now the problem of Paul McCartney wanting to rub me out, too…

Continue reading ‘We all live in a Jewish submarine’ »

Nope:

Jessica Lynch, the former prisoner of war whose 2003 rescue in Iraq made her an instant celebrity, is pregnant.
She and boyfriend Wes Robinson are expecting their first child in January, publicist Aly Goodwin Gregg said Thursday.

Having babies out of wedlock… yeah, I’d say she’s adjusted back into West Virginian civilian life.

Tiny monkeys!
Now nowhere is safe from monkey terror! They could be hiding in your pocket or in your coffee mug!
Soon they will be so small they’ll invade your bloodstream!
Make sure to write your congressman that you want a ban on these “Saturday-night special” monkeys before it’s too late.
(hat tip: everyone)

Did you know there were such things as bomb recycling plants?

At least 10 explosions rocked a bomb recycling plant in northwestern Louisiana today, forcing the evacuation of at least 600 students from two schools and more than 400 prisoners from a jail, authorities said.
No serious injuries or deaths were reported.

What do they recycle bombs into?

Continue reading ‘I bet this joke bombs…’ »