Yay! I finally put it up!
It’s a bit rough (this doesn’t have SarahK proofreading yet though I’ve certainly gone over it a lot more than a blog post), but I’m hoping it’s a good start. It’s quite different than the original bit by bit story, but Doug, Bryce, Charlene, and Lulu are still there and nearly unchanged.
Anyway, I’d really appreciate any help in making this a good story. It’s posted at Baen’s Bar in the Slush Pile section (comments on the story go in Slush Comments). You’ll have to register, but it only takes a second and they’ve never spammed the e-mail I supplied for registering to the forum.
If you have suggestions for making the story better, that would be quite helpful. If you point out big problems or things that come off as too confusing, that would also be helpful. If it sucks so badly that it should be immediately buried, I’ll need to hear that too so I can stop working on Chapter 2.
Anyone who helps in this project will get extra IMAO bonus points. Don’t pass up this exciting offer!
Hope you enjoy it. The story combines both science and fiction.
Yeah team Hellbender!!!
Yes! I knew that Baen’s Bar registration would come in handy someday.
“He looked up and saw a barrel about as large as head pointed down at him.”
I’m sure any editor would find that. The story is a little confusing discussing Doug’s reincarnation. Overall I think too many people reading this would believe the devil (Stan) is a liar and is causing havoc. Maybe a later introduction of himself as the devil or a full redemption from peoples preconceived notions. Tri-Lu the ninja is awesome, now all we need is some monkeys.
LOOMDOG,
Thanks for the comments.
Overall I think too many people reading this would believe the devil (Stan) is a liar and is causing havoc.
The idea is to leave that ambiguous. I like having him seem to be the most reasonable person but the whole time you’re suspecting everything he says based on what you (but not the characters) know about him.
BTW, I’d appreciate if further comments were put in the forum so discussion could be kept in one place.
I can’t seem to reach the Baen site atm to see how the discussion is going….
back later.