So the next big contest is New Hampshire, and Fred Thompson should barely register there. Why? Because he didn’t campaign there. You might think that maybe some Hampshirians would vote for Fred Thompson anyway hearing so much about him in the news, but they’re a bunch of arrogant pricks who won’t vote for a candidate no matter how good he is on the issues if they didn’t get to personally shake his hand. They feel they deserve to get all candidates to bow before them and they will not tolerate Fred Thompson’s independence. That’s why I hate everyone in New Hampshire and hope they all get hit by buses. That’s right: I want ever last man, woman, and child in New Hampshire to be hit by a bus or maybe some by trucks if there aren’t enough buses. I also wouldn’t mind some to be hit by trolleys, but I don’t know if New Hampshire has trolleys.
So who to root for? The choices are McCain and Romney and I honestly don’t know which one I like more/dislike least. Where do you all split on that? Romney says all the right things, but I don’t trust him. With McCain, at least I know exactly how he’s going to screw me (and he’s solid on the war). Plus, I think the type of leadership the country needs now is that of an angry old man.
Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Fred Thompson’s next big stand is South Carolina. If things work out, 2008 could be awesome instead of sucking.
That reminds me: When is my state’s primary?
Ah… who cares. Voting in primaries is for homos.
Archive of entries posted on January 2008
They Also Made Sure to Get Glenn Reynolds Soundproof Walls
He’s always taunting me.
Clinton Turns to Reality TV to Boost Poll Numbers
WASHINGTON (AP) – After Barack Obama’s stunning upset win in the Iowa caucases, Hillary Clinton announced that she will star in a new reality TV show in an effort to do better in the New Hampshire primaries.
 |
“I got the idea after reading that attendance is up after the tiger attack at the San Francisco zoo,” said Hillary. “I think that by tying together two of America’s favorite things – politics and animal maulings – I’ll be able to show America that I’m in touch with what’s important.”
The new show, called “The Lady or the Tiger?”, will feature New Hampshire voters in a room where they will cast their votes in the Democratic primaries. If they vote for Hillary, nothing will happen and they can leave the room unharmed. If they vote for anyone else, a hungry tiger will charge into the room and disembowel them live on national TV.
Clinton campaign spokesperson Mo Elleithee is enthusiastic about the new project. “Although some people will claim that this is just a cheap rip-off of the ‘Huckabee or Hyenas?’ show that the Republicans used with great success in Iowa, the truth is Hillary’s been planning this for years. It has it origins in the incident where she hit Bill in the face with their cat, Socks, after hearing about Monica Lewinsky. The basic premise of punishing people’s poor decision-making skills with angry felines remains the same, just with more cat and splattering body parts. Besides, this will give those people who keep saying ‘I’d rather die than vote for Hillary’ a chance to prove themselves.”
Middle-ground also-ran John Edwards was dismissive of Clinton’s plan, calling it “cheap circus theatrics”.
“This is negative campaigning at it’s worst,” said Edwards, “and is just a sleazy attempt to distract America from the fact that only I have the pretty, pretty hair necessary to solve this country’s problems.”
Clinton responded that Edwards’s comment was just “sour grapes” because his own reality show, “The Faggot or the Ferrets?” only garnered him a weak second-place showing in Iowa.
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Ron Paulless Debate Open Thread
I missed the debate again, but am going to tivo a later showing. Anyway, it must be nice to finally have one without Ron Paul. Early on, it was helpful to have an America-hating foil for everyone to play off of, but eventually they had to narrow things down to people who might actually win a Republican primary.
Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact
John Edwards’s Pet Peeve #7: being sick and – after searching the mansion high and low – only being able to find the oral thermometer.Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Debate Open Thread
I missed it. I heard the Democrats actually ran into Fred Thompson at it. Did he kill them all, or did he leave one alive to tell the tale to others?
UPDATE:
I watched it off the DVR (yes, I have too much of a life to watch a debate live on Saturday night but not so much as to avoid recording it for later), and Fred Thompson was freaking awesome. I officially hate everyone not voting for him.
