MALIBU, CALIFORNIA (AP): Hillary Clinton was placed into an ambulance at her home late Thursday after a post-caucus standoff that lasted nearly three hours.

Aerial footage from KTLA-TV showed the former First Lady being lifted in a gurney into an ambulance. It was unclear where she was being taken. Police were called to the residence around 8 p.m., when neighbors reported breaking glass and screams of “But it’s my House damn it!” Anonymous sources are quoted as saying that at the time of the incident Clinton was under the influence of one of the most powerful narcotics known to man–self-delusion.
UPDATE: Comeback kid?

Continue reading ‘BREAKING NEWS: Hillary Clinton placed in ambulance after post-caucus standoff’ »

Andrew Olmsted was killed in Iraq, and he left a final post for such an occasion which hilzoy of Obsidian Wings posted for him. So play Freedom Isn’t Free from the Team America soundtrack (an unsober reminder of the costs of freedom — language warning) and give it a read.

Can you imagine what the Hillary camp was like after her third place finish? She must have been throwing lamps while screaming, “Don’t they know who I am?! I’ll grind their bones to make my bread!” She probably then screeched as she flew across the room to latch onto a staffer and suck out all his juices.

I realized I never gave an update on the infrared remote control t-rex I got from John Hawkins. SarahK let me open it up on Christmas Day, but something was wrong with one of the feet. It kept just going around in circles, and when it roared the dog attacked it.
There’s probably a metaphor for Right Wing News there.

What sort of depraved individual wakes up in the morning and says, “I’m going to vote for Huckabee!” Really, the guy has no appeal to Republicans other than him shouting, “Look at me! I’m a Christian! I’m a Christian!” It’s identity politics; he’s the Jesse Jackson for mentally deficient white people. As a Christian myself, I thought one of our skills were supposed to be spotting frauds, but I guess a large number of “evangelicals” are lacking in that area. If you want to elect a Christian socialist, move to Europe. One advantage of the left being godless is that when they say they want my money for their harebrained policies, they never claimed it was dictated by God himself. Not going to be the case with Huckabee. If you disagree with him on taxes or humping the legs of illegal immigrants, he’s going to call you a bad Christian. It’s going to be so bad that it will necessitate one of us punching him, and who is going to do that? You? Are you willing to get tackled by the Secret Service?
That’s of course assumes he get elected in the general election, but that’s never going to happen. He’ll only get the small number of Republicans behind him who don’t care if you’re a liberal if you have a Jesus fish on your car while scaring away all the liberals on the Democrat side since they’d never vote for anyone with a Jesus fish on his car. Huckabee is the moron Christian — the one who uses Jesus to justify any idiotic idea — liberals always claimed Republicans were but I never actually thought existed. It will be a disaster in the general election. Conservatives are going to have to run a third party candidate just to have something to do this year.
Anyway, I’m never buying corn again and no other American should. It’s time to starve out Iowans.

If you shoved a monkey in a paint can and put that in a paint shaker for twenty minutes, what would eventually emerge from the can would be a more rational decision maker than your average Iowan.
“That guy has a Jesus fish behind him! Let’s vote for him! Hyuk!”
BTW, congratulations on Obama’s win as decided by about as many people as can fit in my living room (though that gathering would probably be more racially diverse).
Anyway, at least the New Hampshire Republican debate will only have the five frontrunners (no Ron Paul distraction!), so hopefully Fred Thompson can drop the hammer on Schmuckabee. When it should be just Republicans voting, why is it such a challenge for a conservative to be elected?
UPDATE:
Vodkapundit’s open letter to Iowa Republicans sums things up pretty well.
(hat tip to reader Anon Y. Mous)

Huckabee’s former research director has hinted that a big Romney scandal will break soon. I don’t buy it. Romney just doesn’t have enough character to do anything scandalous of note. Some huge scandal might actually help him, as people would say, “What? A scandal? He’s not as bland as I thought.”
Anyway, here’s what the scandal could be:
TOP TEN POSSIBLE ROMNEY SCANDALS
10. Did he say “Mormon”? He meant “Scientologist.”
9. His programming does not include Asimov Three Laws of Robotics.
8. Don’t tell anyone, but he actually changed some of his positions on the issues for political purposes.
7. He once ate his salad with the desert fork.
6. He lived in that hive of scum and villainy known as Massachusetts. Not only that, he was their leader!
5. Despite claims of being a green Republican, he himself is not biodegradable.
4. There’s video of him forgetting to use “please” and “thank you.”
3. He refuses to shake hands with poor people (but is that all that unusual for a Republican?).
2. The hobo graveyard in his backyard: It wasn’t there when he bought the place like he originally claimed.
And the number one possible Romney scandal…

Continue reading ‘Romney Scandal to Break Soon’ »

As the Iowa vote/caucus thing is today, I thought I’d put up this FAQ to help clarify things.
IOWA CAUCUS FAQ
Q. What exactly is a caucus?
I dunno.
Q. Who votes in it?
I dunno.
Q. Is it just registered Republicans for the Republican side?
I dunno.
Q. When will we find out the results?
I dunno.
Q. What time is the vote?
I dunno.
Q. Why does Iowa get all this power over elections?
I dunno.
Q. What do you know?
It all sounds pretty stupid.

If you live in Iowa, make sure you caucus for Fred Thompson today or I will use the full power of my blog to destroy you.
That is all.

Thompson: Political Reporters Lack ‘Fire in the Belly’
(hat tip Blender of Puppies)