Hello. I’m Church Wardhill. I’m a professor of Pseudo-American Studies at the University of Aztlan. And in this political season … this election season … I believe with all my … being … that we are in a national crisis, facing a major crossroad. And the decisions we make will impact this flawed nation of ours for weeks, even months, to come.
What do we do? Look to the past. Because we must learn from history.
The Nazi .. I mean, Republican … Party has nominated George Bush’s evil twin, John McCain, and that harpy, Sarah Palin, to be president and vice president.
People forget that Pontius Palin … a governor … sentenced community organizer Jesus H. Obama — that’s “Jesus,” which is the Arabic, um, Aramaic … wait, I mean, Greek … name for “Barack” — to death. To death!!
Nobody deserves to die! Except a fetus. And that’s what we’d get if McCain and Palin win! Death! And not for fetuses. But for good people, who shouldn’t die, like murderers and child rapists.
We must learn from history!
And not just from things that happened millions of years ago. But in recent history. Like the American Civil War.
The U.S. had just come out of the war with France, and the newly-formed Republican Party had introduced slavery to this nation. And the South … that hot-bed of evil … declared war on the United States after a Democrat, Abraham Lincoln, was elected president.
The Republicans, led by Jefferson Davis McCain (the founder of Halliburton) split off from the country after kidnapping all the African-Americans and forcing them to work in the cotton fields, taking all the jobs previously done by the Mexicans.
It was a long and bloody war, with right-wing religious zealots … Methodists … driving their horse and buggies into buildings, killing millions and millions of Americans.
Our great American president, Abraham — that’s a Jewish name, meaning “Barack” — Lincoln, a two-term Democrat, led the Americans to victory. And without a war. He talked and talked until the South surrendered.
But, after the war … I mean negotiations … Confederate vice president John Wilkes Bush, a Republican, murdered Lincoln while he was watching a movie.
The Republicans continued to terrorize America, following the Civil War, all throughout the 17th, 18th, and 19th centuries.
In the 1960s, the country was again at war.
Peace-loving students were bombing administration buildings at college campuses all across the nation. But, in the South, George Wallace, Georgia’s Republican governor, killed Dr. Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy, plunging the nation into the Vietnam War.
And this path of war has continued in the years since.
After Jimmy Carter ended the Vietnam War, Republican Ronald Reagan took us to war with Iraq. His vice president, George Bush, continues that war to this day.
The evils perpetrated upon this flawed country of ours by the Republicans must not be forgotten. They must, in fact, be remembered. And remembered in this way.
We must avoid the mistakes of the past. We must elect Barack J. Obama as our next Führer … I mean president … so he can lead us out of bondage. And into a Brave New World.
Thank you.
Dang those racist Republicans like George Wallace, J. William Fullbright, Robert Byrd, Fritz Hollings and Al Gore Sr. who opposed civil rights !
“We must learn from history!”
Indeed!
Sarah Palin is a governor.
Jesus Christ is Lord.
And Lucifer was the first community organizer,
Saul Alinsky dedicated his masterwork to him.
I’ve seen the light now. Oh, thank you for opening my eyes to the true meaning of Christmas!!!
I’m going to go cuddle my shotgun now.
Im thinking that maybe we should have gone with Ron Paul… Least then it would be two really crazy dumbass’s running for the job instead one really crazy one, and one showing early signs of alzheimers….
RON PAUL!…. bet you aint seen that for a while? Then again I havent been here for awhile…. so another oldy but goody … RON PAUL!…..
Normally this would be hilarious, but if “the messiah” takes office, come January, this is a good sampling of exactly what will be taught in public schools.
A little off subject, but something that needs to be brought up…the Demonrats are trying to drag out and hide a little matter of Osama…I mean Obama’s…rightful citizenship (and eligibility to actually run for President) until the elections are over. If it’s found out that Obama is not a citizen and is ineligible, the presidency will not go to Brain Dead Biden…the ticket will be null and void. Guess who would be installed? The speaker of the house. Yep, a certain cenobite named Nancy Pelosi. Excuse me while I hug my gun collection.
For a second there, I forgot this was satire.
I’ll watch my kid’s history books to make sure you aren’t plagiarized.
Wait, this is fake? Are you sure?
Basil- You sir are the MASTER! That was awesome. Having finished my BA in History a few years ago I can tell you that this is what will be taught in the future. Bet the farm on it.
I’ll bet most public school students wouldn’t even be able to find the “errors” in the piece.
I like how that story identifies Lincoln as a Democrat lol. I could totally see them changing our history books to reflect that. The plain and simple truth is that the slaves were set free by a republican and he’s the one that started the steps towards equality. It didn’t happen until long after that of course but the point is our country is so warped that this parody could be accepted as reality…..How sad the liberal left is becoming.
As a matter of fact I remember about 5-6 years ago when I’d come to this site Liberals were actually kind of funny with their stupidity. It’s changed from funny to sad in that amount of time……
Hey! No fair messing with my tin foil, dude! I know for a FACT that in the unjustified War of 1812 Benjamin Franklin, John Brown’s Body and Jane Fonda saw that they had to free this country from Republican slavery and Salem witch trials where innocent wymyn were made to sit next to ducks and then burned in an orgy of male pattern baldness dominated political frenzy , and that the only good presidents have all been Democrats! George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Edison, Teddy Roosevelt, Madilyn Murray O’Hair… all solid Democrat presidents! Don’t you be making fun of Church Wardhill now, man… he’s a freakin’ prophet and almost a saint, if we believed in that kind of BS, which we don’t, because it’s something-centric and bad for the green environment. Besides, he’s a quasi-Native-I-paid-my-tribal-dues-dude American, dude!
Exactly as published in the Daily Kos!
you do know that Abraham Lincoln was a republican, not a dem, right?